


On the sixth of June 2006

by SaphiyasRevenge



Category: Marilyn Manson (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Misunderstandings, Post-Divorce, Self-Harm, Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 50,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24514924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaphiyasRevenge/pseuds/SaphiyasRevenge
Summary: “If you don’t know what forever feels likeI’ll show you what it feels like without it”The divorce left them both completely shattered. Yet it seems life will continuously find new ways to bring them together until they'll stick that way.In one cruel, ironic twist of fate, the shock rocker meets his ex-wife -what is left of her- again, and she forgot to mention something -two things- very important.Will they be able to work out their misunderstanding and get back together, or will things crash and burn?
Relationships: Marilyn Manson/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. Long Hard Road Out of Hell

**Author's Note:**

> This story is purely a product of my imagination. I don't make any profit from it, I just wrote it for fun.  
> Most of the songs I feature do not belong to me, though I describe my OC singing them or use them as titles for the chapters; it is just part of the story, I am not acknowledging them as my own.  
> There will be, however, some original works that I have written; I will signal them when they appear.  
> None of those works may be stolen, copied, or featured without consent.
> 
> Some themes treated may be triggering to some readers; I will signal them appropriately when the time comes.
> 
> Finally, I am not making any judgment on the characters' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. I love them, and their music.  
> The timeline might be altered (both in terms of band members and song releases) for the sake of the story.  
> Having said that, I thank you all for reading and I hope you will appreciate this story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanna live, I wanna love  
> But it's a long hard road, out of hell  
> I wanna live, I wanna love  
> But it's a long hard road, out of hell"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

The noise of metal tinkling against the floor did not even wake Astrid up; she’d long learned it was useless to say thank you, especially since people threw the coins at her like they were infected.

Like she carried some disease. Or worse, they had pity in their eyes.

That thought made her snort as she huddled deeper in her threadbare, filthy blanket: she _hated_ pity.

Disgust was better.

That was what she’d read in _his_ eyes the last time she’d seen him. It had been months ago, and still… The memory was seared in her mind like a brand made with a red-hot iron; at least, her heart and her eyes stung like she’d been singed with one…

  
A soft, silent but vicious curse fell from her lips as she felt the familiar, too familiar by then, prick of tears under her eyelids.

She would _not_ cry. Not anymore. He would not get even more tears from her, on top of everything he’d already taken.

If it were that easy to tell her heart that… It did not understand what pride was, it only knew pain. How long till she would become numb to it?  
The flame burned too ferociously, and it consumed her more and more everyday…

<<Get out of my house, you good-for-nothing idiot!>>

Female shouting snapped her out of her dreary thoughts, and she lazily tilted her head in the direction of the noise. It came from the building in front of her, from the third-floor window above her head

<<Give me that back!>> A man ordered, but it was too late: something brown, probably made of wood came flying out, plummeting down until it landed in the trashcan with a loud thud that made people wince- not Astrid. She was way past the point of caring, about almost anything, and it wouldn’t be long until that almost fell to pieces like her life had.

Someone stuck their head out of the window.

She knew it was the man because she heard his angry tone shout at the woman in the apartment

<<I bought that two weeks ago! Now I’ll have to get a new one!>>

<<You’ll have to find a new home too, and a new girlfriend! I’m tired of this mess!>>  
<<Fine with me! Good riddance, you bitch!>>

A slam of a door followed, and then silence; still, the woman leaning against the wall of a building had barely cracked an eye open at all. She only did so when someone skidded to a halt just beside her: the musician who’d just been dumped.

He gasped for breath as he reached the trashcan a few feet from her, standing on his tiptoes to peek inside; when he fished out his guitar, a string of colourful expletives resounded in the air

<<Look at this, all broken… Fuck, I’ll really need to get another one>> He sighed, laying the splintered instrument back over the pile of rubble and leaving, still mumbling insults.

Astrid stayed still for a little longer, unwilling to face the world around her: each time she opened her eyes, each new day, was a stab in her heart; the thought that she’d lost everything because of them, because of _him_ …

Then, something changed.

She began to feel weird, as if something was telling her to wake up from the inside. So she did.

Her eyes fluttered, and she set them on the metal bin; as ironic as it may seem, that’s where the stage pulling sensation came from. Her feet were carrying her forward before she could even realise she had stood up, and when her hands grabbed the guitar before she even realised she was reaching out for it, she felt a sudden weight in her chest, a wave of sadness that had always hung over her but she’d refused to face.

The sorrow her divorce had brought.

It was agonising.

But she did not throw the instrument away. Instead, she carefully ran her fingers over the dents visible in the wood, a reminder of the recent launch.

At that moment, she decided the guitar reminded her of herself: fallen, broken and abandoned. However, maybe… Maybe there was still hope.

If she could give new life to the guitar, who was to say she couldn’t do the same for herself?

It had to start with accepting the misery she felt though, and it scared her to no end.

Still, what was there to lose? Her dignity was gone, her heart was torn, she had forgotten how to smile.

The piece of wood in her hands was the only thing that had made her feel even a sliver of emotion in the last few months, besides the few kicks she felt every now and then in her stomach.

How she prayed the skies would have mercy on her child, at least, since they had been anything but kind to her…

That was the last push she needed.

Astrid sat down, cradled the instrument like she remembered people from her past would, and softly strummed a tentative note; just the noise in her ears almost made her cry, so she tried again. She had no idea how to play, but she carried on anyway. It’s not like she had anything better to do anyway…

* * *

A couple of weeks later, Astrid had repaired the guitar as best as she could, which was surprisingly well for someone with no money and little knowledge on the matter.

She played happily while she lounged on the sidewalk as people walked by and fixed her eyes on their mobiles to ignore _her._

Nonetheless, not even the pity she could see on their faces annoyed her anymore; the notes coming from the chords under her amateur fingers were too delightful for her to even care.

And so she continued to play, humming along.

The fortnight had been relatively uneventful, filled with random tunes and contemptuous, patronising glares from the pedestrians. Then, out of the blue, the same pulling sensation appeared inside her, shouting the name of all the songs she loved and she’d always wanted to learn to play.

Ironic, really, that she should learn it then of all the times it could have happened.

Anyway, she closed her eyes to recollect all the words to a particularly melancholic track that now was, to her, inevitably associated with her former husband, and let her instincts take over

**_I can be tough_ **

**_I can be strong_ **

**_But with you, it's not like that at all_ **

**_There's a girl_ **

**_That gives a shit_ **

**_Behind this wall_ **

**_You've just walked through it_ **

She cringed, but carried on anyways

**_And I remember, all those crazy things you said_ **

**_You left them running through my head_ **

**_You're always there, you're everywhere_ **

**_But right now I wish you were here_ **

**_All those crazy things we did_ **

**_Didn't think about it, just went with it_ **

**_You're always there, you're everywhere_ **

**_But right now I wish you were here_ **

Tears began to fall as the memory of their breakup played in her mind

**_Damn, damn, damn,_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Here, here, here_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

**_Damn, damn, damn_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Near, near, near_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

  
How stupid was she, to still miss him when he’d destroyed her completely?

**_I love the way you are_ **

**_It's who I am, don't have to try hard_ **

**_We always say, say it like it is_ **

**_And the truth is that I really miss_ **

But she did miss him… And the people she had once called friends, who probably never loved her at all

**_All those crazy things you said_ **

**_You left them running through my head_ **

**_You're always there, you're everywhere_ **

**_But right now I wish you were here_ **

**_All those crazy things we did_ **

**_Didn't think about it, just went with it_ **

**_You're always there, you're everywhere_ **

**_But right now I wish you were here_ **

**_Damn, damn, damn_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Here, here, here_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

**_Damn, damn, damn_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Near, near, near_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

**_No, I don't wanna let go_ **

**_I just wanna let you know_ **

**_That I never wanna let go_ **

**_Let go, oh, oh_ **

**_No, I don't wanna let go_ **

**_I just wanna let you to know_ **

**_That I never wanna let go_ **

**_(let go let go let go let go let go let go let go)_ **

The truth of those lyrics struck home, and a mountain of rage and despair built up inside her until all she could do was release it with a scream

**_Damn, damn, damn,_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Here, here, here_ **

**_I wish you were here (I wish you were)_ **

**_Damn, damn, damn_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Near, near, near_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

**_Damn, damn, damn,_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Here, here, here_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

**_Damn, damn, damn_ **

**_What I'd do to have you_ **

**_Near, near, near_ **

**_I wish you were here_ **

With a last strum of her digits, the song ended.

She momentarily closed her eyes against the sight of a tear wetting the cold pavement, but all it did was plunge her back in the sea of dark memories that threatened to drown her every moment, awake or asleep

<<Wow!>> Someone commented, shaking her from her mournful thoughts.

There was a man standing in front of her, an affable yet too wide grin on his lips as he looked at her

<<You have a great voice, did anyone ever tell you that?>>

Astrid recoiled, thinking of the very few times she’d sung her then-boyfriend, later husband, to sleep after his nightmares had ravaged his mind… He’d praised her skills endlessly, saying she sounded like a mermaid.

It had made her laugh.

Now it made her want to sob, but she simply nodded and averted her gaze.

The stranger chuckled, stepping closer

<<Don’t be scared, I mean it; you sing very well>>

<<Thank you>> She groused, hoping he would leave, but he did not.

Far from it, he crouched down to be face to face with her

<<It just so happens that I am a record producer, looking for new talents. Would you be interested?>>

Astrid regarded him sceptically, furrowing.

It just made him more amused

<<I know I am little more than a stranger to you, and you do not trust me, but what I have to offer is probably better than sitting here in the cold, isn’t it?>>

The woman eyed him carefully. He seemed like a good guy all in all, and he was being nice, even if he had invaded her personal space- something she did not take kindly to.

Besides, what did she have to lose?

Her grumbling stomach gave her a non-too-subtle hint

<<Ah, you’re hungry. I figured as much.

How about I buy you lunch, and we’ll talk? I only ask you this much>> He entreated, extending a hand.

Taking a leap of faith, Astrid accepted it and he lifted her to her feet, helping her to dust herself off

<<Alright, good. What would you like to eat?>>

* * *

That had been five years ago.

Now, Astrid was standing by her children’s beds after singing a lullaby to ease them to sleep.

Chad, that was the name of the guy who’d recruited her on the street, turned out to be a very smart, funny and generous person; he even defended her when the personnel of the restaurant threatened to throw her out.

Nothing new to her, but he had seemed aghast at her numbness.

She’d just shrugged, telling him she was used to it.

He’d paid for her meal, taken her shopping, gave her a makeover… Made her feel human again, cared for again.

Still, Astrid was just waiting for the catch. The terrible experience with her divorce had left her too scarred to ever trust freely again.

To Chad’s credit, he never asked her about that.

  
The young musician had taken the chance to cut and dye her hair black, adding some blue and red streaks just for fun. Sure, it was time for a change of style -her hair had turned into a rat’s nest after months of neglect- but she also did not want anyone to recognise her. She bought dark lipstick, pierced her ears and renovated her wardrobe, but she kept the guitar with her, wearing Chad down into having it mended correctly.

It had saved her life, she reasoned: without the instrument, he would have never met her. Thus, not only did she owe it the sudden turn in her luck, but he had to thank the piece of wood too, for the new performer he’d launched, a gem for his company.

In the few years that had passed, Astrid had gone from beggar to worldly-known singer/songwriter with a flair for melancholic, sad lyrics and a melodious voice, though she loved to throw in some hard rock and heavy metal every now and then.

She had released two studio albums and five singles, being nominated for various prizes and even managing to win some- not that she cared about that so much. To her, as she never stopped repeating, the most precious gifts were her twins, Caden and Zoe.

They were two identical pests, rather thin for kids their age, with chocolate brown eyes and soft tufts of light brown hair.

That particular had been a punch to the gut when she first found out. They had hair like _his_.

As if that was not enough, as if destiny enjoyed nothing more than to taunt her cruelly, the two imps took so much after their father that it hurt just to look at them. It brought her back in time, to happier days, when his promises were not just smoke in the air…

But their wicked grins, their clever eyes and contagious laughter gave her so much happiness that she’d come to accept it; it bothered her less and less as time went by- paradoxically, since they increasingly resembled the other half as they grew up. They had _his_ expressions, _his_ attitude, _his_ way of thinking… Even _his_ tastes.

  
For example, what would normal toddlers do if a horror movie came up on tv after one of them accidentally pressed a button on the remote? Cry, right?

Well, Astrid had found Caden and Zoe laughing madly while the screen showed IT persecute the group of teenagers in the haunted house.

That, and the fact that they seemed to enjoy rock music from a young age, made her understand just how much of their father was in them.

It was only a matter of time, she knew, before it came to bite her…

Nevertheless, she did not give a damn: those children were _hers_ , not theirs; he’d ditched her without as much as an attempt to see what was going on, what was wrong with her…

On top of that, she’d heard him state out loud that, had she ever gotten pregnant, he would find a _cure_.

The thought made her shiver, and she delicately caressed her son’s forehead as she lay a kiss on her daughter’s.

At least one- two good things had come out of their hellish relationship. Not that he would ever know.

Her children were not a disease. They were angels- metaphorically speaking; the few babysitters she’d had to hire during tours and recording sessions had all but fled the room as soon as she’d come back, much to hers, Zoe’s and Caden’s amusement.

Suddenly her phone rang, and she hastily tiptoed out of the twins’ bedroom to see who was calling

<<Hi Chad>>

<<Hello, Wren>>

That was her new name; it sounded unusual, but in a good way.

As soon as she’d been able to, Astrid had abandoned her given name to legally adopt the alias of Wren Cross.

Astrid had died the day her ex-husband had shouted at her, under the influence of alcohol and certainly some other junk, that he was filing for divorce because she was “opening her fucking legs for anyone but him these days”, to cite him verbatim.

  
That was a wound that had never fully healed, and it probably never would

<<How are you this evening?>>

<<Fine, just put the kids to bed>>

<<The little monsters. Are they behaving? They promised me they would…>>

<<You did not say _how_ >>

That comment sent the man on the other end of the phone into a fit of laughter

<<You fiend! A family of fiends!>>

 _A broken family,_ Wren lamented in her thoughts. _I miss him so much, damn it…_

<<Anyhow, I’m calling because I have huge, wonderful news!>>

<<And what would that be?>> She chuckled, diverted by his enthusiasm

<<We got a call from a very famous artist; he wants to feature you on a collaboration for his new album!>>

The black-haired musician faltered, biting her lips not to smile- in vain

<<That’s… Amazing. Thank you, Chad>>

<<What for? You’re the one who puts in the magic, my dear; I just crunch numbers>>

Wren snorted

<<Stop underselling yourself, you fool. Anyhoo, who’s the lucky bastard?>>

<<Marilyn Manson>>

And just like that, her mobile slipped from her fingers, falling to the floor while she remained catatonic.

_This is not really happening_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured in this chapter is "Wish you were here" by Avril Lavigne


	2. They said that Hell's not Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I kill myself in small amounts  
> In each relationship, it's not about love  
> Just another funeral  
> And just another girl left in tears"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of self-harm, drinking and drug use.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

<<Wren? Are you still there?>>

Still dazed, the poor woman slowly bent to pick up her mobile, bringing it up to her ear

<<I… I just dropped my phone>>

<<Surprised by the news?>> Chad joked.

Wren gulped, forcing a laugh

<<Y- Yeah, you could say that…>>

<<Dear, are you alright?>>

<<Uh, yeah>>

The woman cursed herself for sounding so unnerved; the man noticed it

<<I know he’s very famous, and it can be intimidating, but it’s an awesome opportunity!>>

<<I… It’s not that>>

<<Then what is it? You sound devastated>>

For a moment, she did not reply: the conundrum she was facing was too big not to take a pause and think it through.

Chad had become her best friend in the few years they’d worked together; due to the difference in age, he’d become something very close to a father figure, which was creepy, since he was close in years to her ex-husband.

Crap. Could she tell the producer why she was not jumping for joy at the prospect of working with the god of fuck? Could she trust him that much? Then again, even if they somehow managed to find a way out of it, how would he justify it with Manson?

It would be a lethal blow to her shiny but still fragile career, and then what?

She had nothing, nothing else to rely on.

It would be a one-way ticket back to the streets, but she did not have just herself to think about now: Zoe and Caden were in the picture, too, and they were completely innocent in all the mayhem…

They deserved it.

It was not their fault their parents were two idiots who could not communicate even living in the same house.

Wiping the moisture from her cheeks, Wren finally picked up the call again

<<Look, could you… Could you come over? I know it’s late, but I really need to talk… We can do this tomorrow if->>

<<Honey, stop>> Chad rebuked softly <<I’m getting in the car right now; I’ll see you in a while>>

<<Thank you, C>>

<<Stop calling me that!>> He ended the call as she laughed through her tears.

Some time later, Wren found herself wrapped in the man’s arms as soon as she opened the door; she had not even bothered to dry her ever-falling tears. Chad could see right through her, there was no point even trying; besides, she felt too weak to even attempt a fake smile.

It was a burden she’d carried wordlessly for almost six years, crying alone at night when her babies couldn’t see her. Of course, it came back to bit her in the worst way possible, just when she was finally trying to build something from the ashes of her divorce

<<Alright, missy; you’re going to tell me why you’re so upset, and you’re gonna tell me now>>

<<It’s a long story, dude. Would you like something to drink?>>

<<No, I want to give you my full attention>>

With a sigh, the black-haired woman took a seat on the couch and motioned for him to do the same

<<So… Why don’t you want to work with the guy? You’re a fan of his, if I remember correctly>>

<<I’ve been more than a fan at some point>> She scoffed.

That comment seemed to surprise the older man

<<Really? Like… A friend?>>

<<That too, but… More like _wife_ >>

If he’d been surprised before, now he was absolutely taken aback. He openly gaped, staring at her like she’d grown a third eye.

The singer waited, apparently calm, for his outburst; he settled for a stuttered

<<W- Wife?>>

<<He’s my ex-husband, Chad. We were _married_ , years ago>>

<<But- But how->>

<<I never did tell you the story of how I ended up homeless, did I?>>

<<No, you didn’t, but I never asked because I could see it was a sore topic for you>>

<<It still is, after all this time; it’s a wound that will never heal, no matter how much time passes.

However, it seems I _have to_ tell you, now>>

The producer gently took her hand, shaking his head

<<You don’t have to tell me anything, darling; I’ll take your word for it. You already revealed that you were married to him…>>

<<But you’re my… Friend>> She forced the word out of her mouth; it felt so weird, after so many years, to finally call someone that again

<<Of course I am, darling. Why would you think otherwise?>>

<<I have to tell you everything for you to understand, pal>>

He patted her back soothingly, giving her a sad smile

<<Alright, kiddo. Just know I don’t want to force you, so stop as soon as you want>>

Words failed her, and she could only convey her gratitude through a small nod

<<We got married after being in a relationship for a few years. I was so happy with him, it was like floating on a cloud>> She began, sighing wistfully as she recalled all the wonderful moments they had shared

<<I made friends with his band and other people he knew, though now I see it was just a facade. They were just waiting for me to give them a reason to unleash their hate and mistrust on me>>

<<Why the hell would they do that?>>

<<Because they love him, and he had been through so much already. They were looking out for him>>

<<I can’t believe you’re making excuses for the people who took everything from you>>

<<Just let me finish, please. I want it to be like a band-aid, quick and with as little pain as possible>>

<<I’m right here, dear. I’ll stay silent, I promise>>

She giggled softly, squeezing his hand as she went back to her narration

<<As I said, being with him was amazing, though it had its ups and downs. My abusive parents tried to mess with us on a regular basis, and they threatened him often- his friends too.

I always defended them though, but I guess they resented me for bringing along new problems>>

At that, Chad opened his mouth to protest, but then looked at her again and stayed silent

<<Did you know that condoms only work 97% of the time?>>

The seemingly random question made his eyebrows arch on his forehead; Wren would have laughed, if her heart wasn’t heavy with dark memories and melancholy for the beautiful ones

<<Well, even a three-percent error margin is a lot for a couple who spent as much time together as we did>>

Chad’s jaw slackened in surprise, a hint of horror in his eyes

<<Zoe and Caden… They are->>

<<His children, yes. Isn’t it evident? They look just like him, for fuck’s sake>>

<<And why the fuck isn’t he there for them?>>

<<Because he does not know about them>>

The man by her side froze.

Wren gulped, clenching her fists

<<One night, I couldn’t sleep, so I went downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water. I did not know that he had invited his best friend over though>>

She had to pause for a moment, to collect herself

<<I heard them talking, and I almost spun on my heels to give them some privacy, but then the topic switched to me, and I froze.

More specifically, Johnny asked my husband what he would do if and when I got pregnant>>

As though he sensed the approaching cataclysm, Chad eyed her with concern and moved even closer

<<He laughed, saying that would never happen>>

The man winced, holding her hand even tighter. Wren made a titanic effort to fight the sob building up in her throat

<<Johnny repeated his question. He noted, rightly so, that it was only a matter of time before our debauchery, for lack of a better word, would give that outcome.

Marilyn laughed again, one of those forced, mirthless laughs that villains do in the movies. Then, he said…

If it happens, we’ll find a cure>>

At that point her fingers almost turned blue, given how tightly Chad was squeezing them; thankfully, when she told him, he released her hand

<<How… How could he say something like that?!>>

<<I don’t know. I was devastated.

There are some parts of him that I never understood, no matter how much I tried… But I fell in love with him, Chad; he’s not a heartless asshole.

Maybe he was sca->>

<<Scared or not, you don’t call your children a disease! That’s a horrible thing to say, for fuck’s sake!

Zoe, Caden… They’re such wonderful, wonderful little pests… Who wouldn’t be proud of them?>>

Wren laughed, smiling fondly

<<They’re tearaways, aren’t they?>>

<<Absolutely. They’re fiendish>>

<<Well, their dad and I were explosive: it’s only natural the product of our union would be so… Uncontrollable>>

<<Products>>

<<Sod off>>

They laughed together, but just for a moment

<<I don’t understand… Why would he divorce you? Just because you were pregnant?>>

<<I already told you he does not know the twins of evil are his own flesh and blood.

No, it was what happened immediately after>>

<<I’m afraid to ask>>

<<As you should be.

You see, I… I started visiting the hospital, just to gather information about, you know… Permanent contraceptives>>

<<Fuck, Wren… You would have let it go that far, for him?>>

<<Yes>> She answered without missing a beat.

He was taken aback

<<You… You still love him, don’t you?>>

<<I do, unfortunately>>

<<I’m sure he misses you>>

<<Sure, when he’s between groupies or girlfriends.

I found a picture of him with a woman on the tabloids. Almost threw up my breakfast that morning>>

<<I’m sorry, dear>>

<<Well, back to my story…

I got hold of a doctor who’d helped me a lot in the past>>

<<Again, I’m not sure I want to know>>

With a shrug, Wren filled him in

<<The religious nutcases who gave me life, biologically speaking, tried to take it from me every time I went against their credo.

They beat me, often to within an inch of my life>>

A rather loud expletive fell from Chad’s lips as he heard her explanation

<<I have restraining orders against them, and I never leave my babies without bodyguards close by. They think I’m an overprotective mother; if they only knew…>>

<<Why did you never tell me?>>

<<It takes me a lot to let someone in, Chad, after what I went through. Plus, it’s not something I enjoy talking about.

I just want to erase that part of my past and never see them again>>

<<I will make sure they stay away from you, Wren. I promise>>

<<I’m sure you will. Thank you>>

<<This doctor… What did he do?>>

<<He gave me all the information I needed, and even offered moral support. He was like a dad for me.

Ironically, however->>

<<How so?>>

<<Let me finish. As I was saying, I was looking for ways not to have kids, but it just so happened…>>

<<That you were already expecting Zoe and Caden>>

The songwriter nodded dejectedly

<<I was lost, I had no idea what to do. I was scared to tell my husband, because I did not want to hear those dreadful words from him again…

I would have never killed my baby, not even for him>>

He gave her a sideways hug

<<I was too afraid of what he would say, so I started to push him away- inadvertently.

It was a huge mistake>>

<<But you had no choice!>>

<<I hurt him, Chad. I had very valid reasons, but the last thing I wanted was to bring pain to the man I loved- love.

On top of that, it gave his friends the perfect excuse to poison him against me>>

He grabbed her hand again, biting his lip to keep foul words from bursting out

<<They began to tell him that I was cheating.

Unfortunately, everything I did supported their thesis: my suspicious texts and phone calls, my absences, the distance I kept from my husband… It all pointed in one direction.

Still, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

Not even when shit hit the fan>>

<<I came home one night, after a lengthy discussion with Eric -the doctor from the hospital- to find his whole gang waiting for me in the living room, forbidding expressions on their faces.

He was in the kitchen, downing the last of a bottle of vodka, already clearly drunk off his feet. As soon as he saw me he began shouting, saying horrible things that I will not mention>> Chad saw her shudder as she remembered <<He even threw the bottle at me; luckily, it hit the wall>>

<<B->>

<<Hush, please.

After that, he screamed that he was filing for divorce, and that he wanted nothing to do with me ever again. His friends kicked me out, saying that they would drop my things off at my house later.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

A few days later, we went to court.

His lawyer ate the shit out of mine, claiming that I had cheated on his client and deserved no alimony. Far from it, I owed his client compensation for the moral and physical damages I had caused- and the judge approved.

That’s how I lost my house, the only thing my grandparents had been able to leave me>>

<<Your grandparents?>>

<<Yes; my father’s parents. They were so nice, so sweet… They bore the brunt of my parents’ abuse so many times for my sake, but there was only so much they could take…

They died when I was eighteen, and I moved out to live in their house, which they bequeathed to me>>

<<At least you had a family>>

<<I loved them dearly. Losing that house… It tore me apart, and landed me on the streets. No one wanted to hire me, either because I was connected to Manson, or because I had cheated on him…

That’s the tragic story of how I ended up homeless and pregnant, with absolutely no hope to ever find a way out. You saved my life, Chad.

I owe you everything>>

He pulled her in his arms, stroking her back softly

<<I did myself a favour, too, when I hired you; you’re the best artist that entered the company in a while.

Even _he_ noticed it, and you know better than me that he rarely does things like this>>

<<You make him sound like an asshole>>

<<Well, he wasn’t exactly kind to you, was he?>>

<<I hid the truth from him, Chad>>

<<You did not deserve anything that happened to you>>

<<Sure, he could have handled it differently, forcing me to confront him for example, but still… I hurt him>>

<<And he hurt you a thousand times worse>>

<<Unknowingly->>

<<Stop making excuses for the guy! I’m calling his agent tomorrow to tell him there’s no way you will->>

<<No. I want to do this>>

The producer looked at her with wide, incredulous eyes

<<You… You do?>>

<<It’s not like I’m chomping at the bit, dear, but think about it: how could you justify my refusal?

Plus, my status is still too vulnerable to endure the wave of hatred such a refusal would bring about. Many of my fans listen to Manson, and I have no doubt they would pick him over me: he’s more famous, has been active for a lot longer…

They love him.

Denying him my help for this collaboration would destroy any chance for me to make it out there.

I would wind up on the streets again, and I couldn’t do that to my children…>>

<<I will not let you end like that, Wren>>

She hugged him tight, snivelling

<<Thank you, Chad.

As much as I’m not looking forward to seeing him again, think of the exposure it would bring… It would benefit me and, in tail, the company.

Everyone is happy>>

<<Everyone but you>>

<<It’s a sacrifice I will gladly make, my friend. There’s something in it for me, too, and I owe it to my children to try my best at work.

They’re the only reason I’m still… I’m still here>> She murmured the last part, looking away as best as she could while still in his arms.

He tensed up as soon as he realised the meaning behind her words

<<Wren… You’re not saying what I think you’re saying… Are you?>>

<<I’m afraid so>>

<<You->>

<<I was depressed, Chad. I still am, actually; I see everything black, I miss a husband that probably hates me, friends that never really cared for me… My family despises me…

Caden and Zoe saved me so many times>>

<<Thank God you had them, Wren. I wish you had told me all this sooner, but I understand it must be terrible for you to even think about it.

Anyway, I will call tomorrow to tell them we accept, and they’ll tell us where to meet them.

In the meantime, I want you to know that you can count on me for anything, whenever you need me, alright? Remember that, please, and don’t do anything stupid>> He pointedly eyed her covered wrists, which made Wren cross her arms in shame.

Yes, she cut herself; often. It had come as a habit to wear fingerless gloved that reached her bicep; they complimented her punk-rock look and covered her scars very well.

She switched to leather bracelets in the summer; no one ever suspected anything, and she was able to hide her pain from the world- most importantly, the press.

Those marks and her tattoos were the only traces left of her past, besides her children.

She prayed that her disguise would hold in the face of the man who’d torn her heart apart into millions of shreds.

_I cannot believe this is happening_


	3. No Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know which me that I love  
> I've got no reflection  
> I don't know which me that I love  
> I've got no reflection"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

<<Good morning, Miss Cross!>> A rather short, pudgy man greeted her as soon as she stepped in the studio; Wren recognised him as one of his agents.

She forced a smile on her face and reciprocated the greeting

<<Good morning>>

<<Mr Manson is waiting inside. Would you like something to drink in the meantime?>>

<<A latte, please>>

<<Very well. Wendy!>> He shouted, and a lithe girl that barely reached Wren’s chin skedaddled toward them

<<Yes sir?>>

<<Go buy a latte for Miss Cross>>

<<I thought you had drinks here. There’s no need to send someone to buy me a latte, I can walk>>

<<She is an assistant; it’s part of her job>>

The musician smiled sympathetically and rummaged in her pocket, pulling out a fifty-dollar bill

<<Here you go, dear; keep the change>>

The redhead smiled and was off before the man could say anything else

<<That was very generous of you>>

Wren shrugged

<<Can I see the studio?>>

<<Of course. This way>>

* * *

When they reached the room, Wren beamed: it was bigger than any studio she’d ever used, and there were all kinds of machines and instruments. She just couldn’t stop herself from picking up a guitar. strumming it softly

<<If you want to warm up, feel free to: Mr Manson will be here shortly>>

<<Alright, thanks>>

As soon as he left, the songwriter sat on a stool and began picking at the chords with expertise. In the few years that had passed since her debut album, Wren had learned how to play many instruments- piano, guitar, bass, drums…

She was not a master, but she could definitely hold her own, and she was incredibly proud of that: music thrilled her. It was one of the greatest joys of her life, along with her son and daughter.

To be able to make her own songs, play her own melodies… It made her feel as though she were on cloud nine.

Caught up in her bubble, she began to sing in time with her playing

**_I feel you growing closer_ **   
**_I feel you in the air_ **   
**_And I call_ **   
**_I know you hear my voices_ **   
**_I know you're drawing near_ **   
**_And I'm waiting_ **

The thrill coursing through her veins was incredible; her voice grew louder, her eyes closed, and she let the music carry her away to her own private world

**_So, come away_ **   
**_So, come away with me_ **   
**_So, come away_ **

**_In the dawning of my night_ **   
**_I am free_ **   
**_Lying by your side_ **

<<Fuck, I knew there was a reason I called you>>

That voice.

There was no way in hell she would not recognise it.

Wren froze instantly; her heartbeat sped up so much that she felt dizzy, and her grip on the guitar tightened to the point she was afraid she’d break it

_You’ll have to look at him at some point, you know,_ she scolded herself

<<You have a wonderful voice, doll>>

That nickname was a punch to the gut; she had to muster all her self-control not to be physically ill.

In the end, she summoned all her determination and courage to turn her head and let her eyes alight on the face of the man who’d just joined her in the studio. As soon as she did, her heart faltered.

Marilyn was standing there, smiling smugly at her, leaning against the door jamb with arms crossed. He was dressed all in black, and his coal black hair fell down the side of his face, complimenting his dark red lipstick.

Wren sucked in a breath

_He looks even better than I remembered_

That thought made her curse under her breath

_Fuck, Wren; you’re not here to get into his pants. Just do the damn song and you’ll never see him again._

_That’s how it has to be_

<<Thank you, Mr Manson>>

<<Call me Marilyn>>

Wren forced a smile on her lips and nodded weakly

_When this is over, if I manage not to be recognised I’ll deserve a fucking Oscar_

<<Alright… Marilyn>>

That name had a weird taste in her mouth, bittersweet; it had been so long…

<<Can I call you Wren?>>

<<Sure>>

_Call me my love. Doll. Call me Astrid. Anything but that_

<<It’s a very unusual name, you know?>>

<<Yeah, but I like it>>

<<I wasn’t implying it’s not nice>> He smirked, and Wren stiffened even more

_I know that smirk. It’s his “I’ll have you in my bed by the end of the day” grin._

_N-fucking-O_

Twisting her lips in a smile that felt completely unnatural, the shorter musician placed her guitar in its case

<<I suggest we start working on the song>>

<<Sure. I was looking forward to working with you>>

<<Oh, a fan, are we?>> He joked as he escorted her to another room, and she followed

_When the hell did he get so pretentious? Who does he think I am? One of his groupies?_

<<Yes, I admit I am a fan of yours, and Alice Cooper, Murderdolls, Five Finger Death Punch->>

<<Alright, alright, I get it; you like hard rock and metal>>

Wren really couldn’t help herself, but she tried to hide her giggles: he almost sounded… Jealous.

However, she chose not to dwell on it: the sooner this mess was over, the better.

Once they reached the door, Marilyn opened the door and motioned for her to go in

<<Ladies first>>

She snorted

<<Good excuse to stare at my ass, Manson>>

Time froze. In her mind, the woman had slapped herself a thousand times for saying something like that, but it had simply slipped. It was as though the blasted rocker brought out the worst in her- or best, it really depended on what outlook she chose to have on the situation.

To her relief Marilyn burst into laughter, shaking his head in amusement

<<Mouthy little thing, aren’t you? I think we’ll get along just fine, doll>>

As soon as the door clicked behind her shoulders, Wren sent a silent prayer to the sky

_Trapped, like a lamb in the wolf’s den. Heaven help me_

In front of her sat six men, whom she knew way too well.

It felt like it was just yesterday they were kicking out of her house, chasing her away from her husband on the basis of an alleged liaison

<<Guys,>> Marilyn called, grinning wickedly <<this vision here is Wren Cross, the singer I told you about>>

<<Hello. Can I call you Wren?>> Asked the brunette in the corner, smiling kindly at her.

Her heart missed a beat when she went back in time to see that very same face twisted in disgust

<<Of course. No problem, Mr Depp>>

<<Aw, shucks; call me Johnny>>

<<Ok… Johnny>>

<<C’mon, doll, you weren’t this shy a moment ago>>

<<And you weren’t this annoying>> She bit back.

A bout of laughter came from the other side of the room, and the overwrought female instantly knew whose it was

<<Feisty, aren’t we?>> A blond mohawk entered her field of vision, and Wren faltered at the sight of his wolfish grin

<<I’ve never been known to be submissive>>

<<That’s promising>>

<<Get your mind out of the gutter, Mr>>

The rest of the band burst into hysterics, while the keyboardist grinned at her

<<You’ll fit in just fine>>

_Is it just me, or does it sound like a threat?_

* * *

A few hours later, Wren was still in the room with Johnny and the band. Not that she would ever admit it, but she was enjoying herself; it felt good to spend time with them again, but it stung like hell to know it was not _her_ company they were enjoying.

Sometimes, she really hated the whole persona she’d built when she’d become a musician; she barely knew where it started and she ended. It felt more like she’d ended the day of the divorce, and the next few months had been a soulless limbo before the birth of Wren.

Damn, that was profound poetry.

Still, she had to be careful not to expose herself too much; sure, five years were a long time, and they had probably forgotten about her, but she could never be too careful: her career, her reputation… The future of her children was at stake

<<Hey, Wren?>>

<<Yes?>> She turned to look at Marilyn, who was smirking like someone who was up to no good would

<<Would you like to warm up?>>

<<As in sing in front of you?>>

<<Exactly>>

Before she could stop herself, Wren unsheathed a shark grin

<<An eye for an eye, Mr Manson>>

<<Jeez, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Marilyn?>>

<<At least one more, Miss Swan>>

At that, Johnny burst into laughter, shaking so much that he had to lean against the wall not to fall off the chair

<<So you’re a fan of his, too>> The taller man commented.

Wren could have sworn his expression and tone were far from pleased

_What the hell…_

<<The world doesn’t revolve around you, Manson, believe it or not>>

<<Why do you hate me?>>

<<You are not important enough to hate>>

<<Ouch!>> Twiggy teased, chuckling at his boss’ distress

<<Fine, I’ll sing before you. Happy now?>>

<<A bit more>>

The tall man snorted, shaking his head in disbelief while he took a microphone from somewhere

<<Guys, let’s put on a show for prissy girl over here>>

<<What are you going to sing?>>

<<A track I covered after getting divorced for the second time>> He commented darkly, not looking at her.

It was a good thing, though. If he had been watching her at that moment, he would have seen the unadulterated horror in her eyes

_Please no. He’s not really going to do this, is he? Is he really going to sing-_

<<We’re doing Tainted Love, aren’t we?>> John asked, standing up

<<Of course>>

Wren felt her heart slowly come to a halt; the room suddenly felt cold, and she was fighting the tears that threatened to brim in her eyes

_No. Please no. I cannot take this, please…_

The band got ready, and as soon as Manson grabbed the microphone, Wren knew she was in for a slow, agonising torture.

* * *

_Forget it, I deserve the motherfucking Oscar now_

Wren mentally cursed when she managed to dry one of her tears without being noticed.

He was awesome, as always, but the lyrics… The thought that it was directed at her made her feel faint.

It was every girl’s dream to have a song written about them, but not like this… Never like this.

It was basically a hate anthem.

Just when she thought she had known true pain, he went and proved her wrong

<<So, doll… Did you like the show?>>

She hastily got back in character, mildly surprised by the actual interest she could see in his hazel orbs

<<I prefer you in stage clothes, Manson, but other than that… I bloody fucking did, sure>>

He snickered, stepping closer with the mic still in his hands

<<It’s your turn now, doll. Tit for tat>>

<<You’d like that, wouldn’t you?>>

Marilyn snorted

<<Just sing the damn song, woman>>

She stood up and shoved him aside

<<Step aside, man>>

With that, she walked past him to stick the mic on the boom and grab her guitar; the reverence with which she handled it was almost out-worldly

<<It looks a little worn… How old is it?>>

<<About six years, give or take>>

<<Why don’t you buy another one?>> Ginger wondered. The glance she shot him when he said that quieted him immediately

<<This baby saved my life; I do have other guitars, but I will never get rid of this one. Never>>

<<Saved your life?>> Johnny asked hesitantly, but Wren did not seem put off by that request

<<I wouldn’t be here without it>>

<<Oh, you mean you wouldn’t be a musician, right?>> Marilyn piped up, suddenly unnerved by the turn the conversation had taken

<<No, I mean literally: I would be six feet underground if it wasn’t for this guitar>>

<<How->>

<<That’s a story for another day, ‘mkay?>> She hastily dismissed his apprehension, holding the instrument up and staring at it, as if to learn all its dents and smudges by heart- which she already had, a long time before.

All of a sudden, she spun on her heels and set it back in the case

<<Doll? Something wrong?>>

<<Mh? Oh, no, not at all. I just decided to sing a different song than the one I initially had in mind>>

<<Do you want us to play?>>

<<I just need an electric guitar, and I’m all set>>

Twiggy handed her his own, and she accepted it with a smile and a “thank you”

<<What are you gonna play?>>

<<Ah ah, Mister Manson>> She teased, calling him by his surname again <<you’ll find out if you listen>>

He sat back down in his chair and watched her with a cocked eyebrow while she made herself familiar with the new instrument. Her eyes were closed, and her jaw was set.

He found her concentration admirable, and her passion was flooring. Little did he know, she was reliving his performance from a few moments earlier

**_Once I ran to you (I ran)_ **

**_Now I'll run from you_ **

**_This tainted love you've given_ **

**_I give you all a boy could give you_ **

**_Take my tears and that's not nearly all_ **

Her grip on the guitar tightened

**_Oh tainted love_ **

**_Tainted love_ **

She released a silent growl

**_Don't touch me please_ **

**_I cannot stand the way you tease_ **

**_I love you though you hurt me so_ **

**_Now I'm going to pack my things and go_ **

The dull thrumming in her ears rose exponentially as her heartbeat increased, her fists clenching and unclenching as she tried to hold herself back

_“Don’t touch me”, after he shouted at me for the exact opposite._

_The way_ _I_ _tease-_

 _Pack_ _his_ _things-_

The white-hot, unadulterated rage she felt running through her veins blurred her view and threatened to overcome her.

She needed to sing, right then.

And she knew exactly which song she would play.

When she opened her eyes again there was a steely determination in her gaze, and she took hold of the guitar, striking the first note.

The room fell silent, and the six males all watched her intently.

**_I'm the girl you've been thinking about_ **

**_The one thing you can't live without_ **

**_I'm the girl you've been waiting for_ **

**_I'll have you down on your knees_ **

**_I'll have you begging for more_ **

It started softly, but it took a turn pretty soon

**_You probably thought I wouldn't get this far_ **

**_You thought I'd end up in the back of a car_ **

**_You probably thought that I’d never escape_ **

**_I'd be a rat in a cage, I'd be a slave to this place_ **

**_You don't know how hard I fought to survive_ **

**_Waking up alone when I was left to die_ **

**_You don't know about this life I've led_ **

**_All these roads I've walked_ **

**_All these tears I've bled_ **

**_So how can this be?_ **

**_You're praying to me_ **

**_As I look in your eyes_ **

**_I know just what that means_ **

**_I can be, I can be your everything_ **

The following pause was eerie, but she needed it to go back with her mind to a particularly harsh memory from their gory divorce.

It gave her the necessary strength to start the refrain with fury

**_I can be your whore_ **

She saw all of them recoil in amazement when she released that inhuman shout, but she was too lost to rage to even care

**_I am the dirt you created_ **

**_I am your sinner_ **

**_And your whore_ **

**_But let me tell you something baby_ **

**_You love me for everything you hate me for_ **

The moment of silence -metaphorically, because she was still playing- was almost grotesque, especially considering the taken aback expressions on their faces. She just played on

**_I'm the one that you need and fear_ **

**_Now that you're hooked, it's all becoming clear_ **

**_That all your judgments that you placed on me_ **

**_Was a reflection of discovery_ **

**_So maybe next time when you cast your stones_ **

**_From the shadows of the dark unknown_ **

**_You will crawl up from your hiding place_ **

**_Take a look in the mirror_ **

**_See the truth in your face_ **

**_So how can this be?_ **

**_You're praying to me_ **

**_As I look in your eyes_ **

**_I know just what that means_ **

**_I can be, I can be your everything_ **

Her voice in that part sounded almost mocking, sweet to the point of irony, and in a way it was.

When she’d written the song she had simply imagined him begging for forgiveness, but at that moment… It seemed so fitting.

He’d taken an interest in Wren. Well, Wren was going to show him just how much _he_ would be _her_ whore

**_I can be your whore_ **

It felt so good to sing like that

**_I am the dirt you created_ **

**_I am your sinner_ **

**_And your whore_ **

**_But let me tell you something baby_ **

**_You love me for everything you hate me for_ **

There was a pause again, but she barely acknowledged the audience around her. With her eyes closed she began to sing again, with a pained and broken voice that made the men wince

**_I am the dirt you created_ **

**_I am your sinner_ **

**_And your whore_ **

**_But let me tell you something baby_ **

**_You love me, you want me, you need me_ **

**_Well I can be your whore_ **

Only to finish with a feral shout one more time.

She was revisiting all the nightmarish memories that she had locked away in the darkest part of her mind. Normally no one with a bad past would like to live it again, but she found that music was her saviour, her own version of drink-to-forget that made her feel a thousand times better than a hangover ever could, and lasted longer; as long as the words were set down in black and white- or whatever fucking colour she decided to write with. Her favourite ones were black and blood red

**_I am the dirt you created_ **

**_I am the sinner_ **

**_And your whore_ **

**_But let me tell you something baby_ **

**_You love me for everything you hate me for_ **

**_Let me tell you something baby_ **

**_You love me for everything you hate me for_ **

**_You love me for everything you hate me for_ **

She drew out that note, strumming the chords one last time before finally falling silent for real.

_Bloody hell, that felt good_

<<Fuck, doll, that was amazing>> Came her ex-husband’s voice from behind her, sounding as winded as she felt.

Wren handed her guitar back to an awestruck Twiggy, who accepted it without a word, and smiled shyly

<<You really think so?>>

<<Damn, yes. You are remarkable. Where did you get inspiration from?>>

That question brought a taste as bitter as gall in her mouth

_From you, asshole,_ she wanted to shout, but miraculously held herself back

<<From my divorce>>

That confession seemed to surprise them, but she was mostly curious about Marilyn’s reaction. He pursed his lips, looking at her with something akin to sympathy, which was very different from the lust he’d eyed her with from the moment he’d set eyes on her- again, after five years.

_I wonder who he likes better: Wren, or Astrid?_

<<I’m sorry to hear that, doll. I know how hard that shit can be>>

_You don’t know the half of it, Mr Superstar_

<<Thanks>>

<<If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here, you know?>>

Where had that come from?

<<Thank you. Right back to you. Can I get a glass of water now? That song always makes me thirsty>>

<<Sure. I’ll go get you one>>

<<I can->>

<<Hush. You’re a guest, and after that performance you have to relax. Have a seat, chat a little with the band and Sparrow over there->> He teased, motioning toward Johnny who gave a mock salute <<I’m sure he finds you as interesting as I do>>

That said, he walked out the door, leaving behind a Wren that looked calm on the outside, but was banging her head against a wall on the inside

_But I find you more interesting than anyone, dammit…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second song featured in this chapter is "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson.  
> The first and third songs featured in this chapter are "Her Kiss" and "Whore", both by In This Moment.  
> Even though in my story the main female character is shown to be the author and voice of their songs it is solely for the purpose of writing; I am in no way making claims on their art, and I will always acknowledge them in the endnotes.


	4. Smells Like Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone, someone, someone, someone  
> I wish that I could be  
> Someone, someone, someone, someone  
> I wish tomorrow would never ever come, come
> 
> Smells like children  
> Smells like children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

Marilyn almost scurried out of the room, hurrying his steps as soon as the door closed behind him. It was an incommensurable relief, being out of there.

That confused him

_What’s happening to me?_

The only thing he knew was that seeing Wren perform that song had gotten to him: her voice was so raw, so laced with pain… He thought he had seen some tears trickle down her eyes, and he wouldn’t be surprised to find out she had actually cried while singing that mournful lamentation.

Every single word had felt like a stab to his own heart, for an unknown-to-him reason, and that both puzzled and irritated him: he could not explain his feelings, and that angered him.

All he could say was that the agony her lyrics conveyed brought him a sensation of uneasiness the likes of which he had only felt a few times in his life, especially when it came to… _Her_.

Astrid.

Perhaps the song had shaken him so much because she had written it about her own divorce, and he had shared a similarly brutal experience.

He found that reasoning to his liking, and decided to stick with it, no matter the nagging voice in the back of his head taunting that it was not the right conclusion.

He’d gotten quite good at ignoring his conscience, after all. A marvellous example of that had been his way of dealing with his now ex-wife.

Theirs had probably been one of the bloodiest, messiest divorces in history; his first one had not been even nearly as chaotic.

What hurt the most, though, was that he’d never gotten to the bottom of things; he still did not know what he had done wrong for her to shun him like that, to turn her back on him after all they had shared…

He’d trusted her, he’d loved her so much… So much that he still refused to believe she had actually cheated on him. But if that was not the truth, what the hell had happened?

There was no use in crying over spilt mi- blood, more like it: he had no idea where she was, what she was up to at that moment, and he had the distinct hunch she would tell him to fuck off as soon as she set eyes on him. Thus, he settled for cooping himself in her former house and mulling over their spectacularly failed relationship that had once made him feel over the moon.

Wren’s hit track had awoken his conscience again, rousing all those unresolved issues and feelings he still refused to deal with. After all, if Astrid was out of his life, why did he have to confront his inner thoughts?

That nagging voice answered again, regardless of how much he would have liked it not to

_You cannot start a new chapter if you haven’t finished the previous one…_

The performer gnashed his teeth and hurried his gait even more, finally reaching the table with snacks and beverages he’d been looking for. Thankfully, the cups were not made of the flimsy plastic he expected, otherwise he would have crushed the one in his hand already.

_Damn you, Astrid: making me feel like shit even when you’re not here_

He knew it was a figment of his imagination, but he felt as though all the cuts and scars on his body were tingling back to life, to sting as badly as they did the day he’d carved them into his skin. Many of the most recent ones all bore his ex-wife’s name, and he resented her for it; still, he could not shake off the feeling that there was something he’d missed in the whole ordeal.

Something big

_Fuck, get out of my mind; you can’t still be there after six years, you bitch._

_Especially when I’m trying to build something new…_

The singer’s mouth twisted in an ugly snarl, and he glared at the water in his grip intensely, almost wishing it to turn into absinth

_Now’s not the time to get fucked up; you need all your sanity to get through this- not that there has ever been much_

He knew exactly what the _this_ in question was, apart from the memories of his ex running through his mind again.

Wren.

Six years. Six fucking years after the last woman he’d let in had left him battered and broken, he found another one who spurred those very same feelings in him, and that scared him shitless.

He was mad at himself for getting those feelings, and furious at whatever twisted spiritual entity was clearly toying with him like a puppet, putting obstacles in his way just to fuck with him.

They were some mighty fine obstacles though, he had to admit.

That did not help though; far from it, actually, it made everything more complicated.

Wren was a very beautiful woman: he liked her style, her short, chin-length black hair with red and blue highlights, her red contacts, dark lipstick and her tattoos- tough he had yet to inspect those from up close to actually understand their meaning. He enjoyed the spark that had instantly lit when they met, her sassy attitude and, in particular, her uncommon passion for music.

As soon as she’d begun to play, he’d sensed energy radiating from all over her; the twinkle in her eyes had been unmistakeable, and the show she’d put on a few moments earlier…

He’d been enthralled.

The lyrics were dripping with raw emotion, conveying so much suffering that he almost reached out to her to ask her if she were ok. The grit with which she hit every note, both with her voice and the guitar, slightly offset that image though: it was the embodiment of rage and vengeance, and it got his blood boiling, to the point where he had to run out of the room before he did something he would have eventually regretted- as usual.

And that was how he found himself standing in front of a table, ignoring the curious glances he got from passers-by as he engaged in a staring contest with a glass of water.

Part of him was almost scared to burst the bubble of thoughts he’d inadvertently built around himself, but he knew it was inevitable. In fact, it happened at that very moment, but in a way he’d have ever expected.

Before he could even understand what was going on, a hand slipped up to his and nabbed the cup from him

<<Wha->>

<<Thanks>> A voice answered, the tone so candid that he did not know whether to be offended or not.

Marilyn froze when he noticed just who had taken the beverage for himself. Normally, he would have lashed out at anyone -except for Wren, probably- who dared to attempt such a feat, but this was no ordinary thief. By his side, kneeling on a wooden chair he had no idea had even been there in the first place, was a young child, probably five or six years of age.

A rather peculiar child at that: he was rather slim, with a mohawk of blond hair crowning his little head and tattoos randomly speckling his arms; his hazel eyes shone with a devious glint, only enhanced by the slight smirk he offered the taller man as he drank the water from the purloined glass

<<That wasn’t for you>>

<<Least I am drinking it; all you did was glar at it>> The kid retorted, clearly proud of himself as he took another sip without tearing his gaze from the equally brown eyes of the rocker

<<Didn’t your parents teach you it is impolite to steal?>>

<<Didn yos teach you how to drink waer?>> Came the child’s comeback.

The shock rocker was flabbergasted by the little one’s sass. In spite of himself, he chuckled

<<You have a cheek, kid>>>

<<I hav two>>

Again, he laughed

<<I can see that. What are you doing here? This is no place for a child>>

<<My mommy says all aduts are jus kids in disais, so you soudn’t be here too>>

<<That’s very true. Where’s your mother now?>>

<<Why do you ask? Do you wan to come on her?>>

The musician was utterly stumped by that. What on Earth did the kid mean?

<<Come on _to_ her; don’t forget the _to_ , darling>> A female voice reprimanded softly, making both the child and the man turn to see who was addressing them.

Wren was standing a few feet from them, leaning against the wall with arms crossed and a fond smile on her face as she cackled. Behind her, the entire band and Johnny were trying to hold back their laughter, red in the face from the effort

<<The what?>>

The woman snorted and moved closer

<<Never mind… Though I have the feeling you might have forgotten _on purpose_ >>

Without answering, the child simply grinned widely at her, making her visibly melt

<<I still have to understand where you learnt that expression>>

<<In the songs you lissen to>>

She rolled her eyes

<<I knew it would come back to bite me>>

<<They are nice songs!>>

<<Absolutely. Now, apologise to Mr Manson for stealing his water>>

<<It was actually _your_ water, doll. And I told you to call me Marilyn>>He informed her. He was forcing a smile on his face, but inside, a battle was raging: him against his fears.

She was too friendly with the kid. Sure, she could be a very affectionate aunt, but something told him they were related much more closely…

<<Still, you know you should not steal, darling>> She spoke to the boy again

<<But you sole the cake off the ol man’s tray the othe day at the restoran!>>

At that, Wren hid her face in her hands and sighed.

While the other performers burst into hysterics, she explained

<<He was rude to me, baby. Mr Manson is a nice guy>>

Marilyn almost laughed at her words, but held silent somehow

<<He was mean to me>> The boy lamented

<<Oh, was he now?>> She threw a glance at him, and he shrugged

<<He asd me if my paents had tot me that it is impolite to steel>>

That confession made her wince and bite her lip.

The older singer felt ashamed; whatever the child had done, it was not his place to put him back in line. After all, he was a lot worse than him in every aspect

<<Well, that’s not very nice, you’re right, so here’s the deal: you’ll both apologise to each other. You for being a thief, and he for being rude>>

A new series of snorts echoed from their small audience, and the taller singer tried his best to ignore them; those scamps were having a field day with the little show he and the kid were putting on.

He was just about to say that there was no way he would apologise, especially not to a child, but Wren shot him a pleading glance, and he was stumped.

_Dammit,_ he cursed. _What is this woman doing to me?_

<<Fine. I’m sorry for being an ass. Happy now?>>

<<Not what I had in mind, but yes. Darling?>> The woman prodded, eyeing the blond fiend; he grinned wickedly, which made them all understand his apologies wouldn’t be very traditional either

<<I’m not sory for steelin the waer, but I aologise>>

That was enough to set all of them off; even Marilyn himself laughed, unable to hold back in the face of such innocent sass- as much as that may sound like an oxymoron, there was no other way to describe it.

Finally, Wren calmed down just enough to talk again

<<Good job, baby. I’m proud of you>>

<<Thanks, mommy>>

Mommy.

There was the word he had dreaded ever since coming to face with the boy.

So _she_ was the mother who told him all adults were kids in disguise.

She probably had a boyfriend at home, with whom she went on disgustingly sweet dates and probably had lots of-

<<Mommy?>>

<<Yes sweetheart?>>

<<Why did Mista Mason say a bad word befoe?>>

<<How do you know he did?>>

<<I know what ass mins. You saut it when someone make you mad on the phone>>

At that, Wren could only face-palm

<<I swear, having kids is like signing a contract with Satan, only without the benefits>>

Marilyn chuckled

<<What are you laughing at? This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t have a potty mouth>>

<<Potty mouth? Really?>>

She rolled her eyes and smacked him on the shoulder

<<Try dealing with five-year-olds all day; we’ll see if you still speak English after a week>>

He winced again

<<Five-year- _olds_? As in more than one?>>

As if on cue, a second child stormed into the room with a packet of candy in her arms, followed closely by a brown-haired man who looked like he was on the verge of passing out. The child, a girl, screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran past the group, grabbing a chair that she dragged to the bathroom and used to lock the door.

The man tried to open it, in vain. He fell to his knees, gasping for breath.

When he spotted Wren in the corner, he smiled sheepishly

<<I’m sorry, dear… I couldn’t keep up with both of them, and I left Caden with an assistant before chasing Zoe… He must have shaken her off too, poor girl>>

The woman shook her head in amusement before looking at Marilyn

<<I’m so sorry about this; they were supposed to stay out all day, but I couldn’t find a baby sitter and->>

<<We wanted to see you, mommy!>> Caden shrieked.

  
In spite of everything, the rocker smiled: Wren’s repentant expression and the embarrassment clearly etched on her features touched him more than he could have imagined; besides -not that he would ever admit it though- he actually found the whole charade pretty funny

<<No problem, doll. They wanted to see you; I get it>>

He did not like the stupor he saw on her face when he said that

_Does she think I am a soulless monster or something?_

Even the man who was still crouched on the floor seemed taken aback

<<Oh. Thank you>>

Her cheeks were slightly red, and her contacts did not disguise how surprised she was

_Oh for fuck’s sake, I’m not that bad… Am I?_

<<Chad?>> Wren called, approaching the newcomer

<<I’m sorry, Wren. I->>

<<Leave this to me>>

With nonchalance she strutted to the door and knocked softly, only to receive a curt rejection

<<I’m not comin out until I finish my gummy woms!>>

<<Zoe, don’t make me come in there>>

<<Mommy? Is that you?>> Asked a shrill, but small, female voice

<<Yes, darling, and I’m going to be very upset if you don’t come out right now>>

<<But you take the candy fom me if I do!>>

<<Honey, eating the whole bag will give you a stomachache>>

A few moments of silence went by. Then, the child spoke again, timidly

<<So… I can have some?>>

Wren chuckled, smiling fondly

<<Of course you can, sweetie, but do come out here>>

<<Keep Caden away>>

<<Hey! I want candy too!>> The boy replied, offended, prompting laughter from the band.

Finally the door opened, and out stepped a little girl who looked exactly like the other child: blond hair, brown eyes and a lithe physique that belied her age; she hung her head down, hiding a pack of sweets behind her back.

Wren knelt to be at eye-level with her, smiling lovingly

<<Zoe, will you give me the candy?>>

<<All of it?>>

Sighing, the young mother scooped one child in her arms and headed toward the other

<<Caden, let me sit please>>

Her order was carried out instantly; as soon as the chair was free, she took her place in it and lifted the boy on the other leg, setting the prized gummy worms in her lap

<<Each one of you will take a handful of them and eat it, and that will be all for today, alright?>>

<<But mommy…>>

<<What?>>

<<We have small ands>> The boy began

<<We will take few woms>> His sister finished.

Once again, the entire band and the actor burst into hysterics while the female singer tried to hold back her own

_Christ, these ankle-biters are smart_

Since the woman was holding on to her children, he decided to help

<<Here>> he picked up the bag and pulled out two equally generous amounts of gummy worms for each twin <<Is this ok?>>

They beamed up at him with gaping grins and squealed in delight

<<Yes! Thank you, Mista Mason!>>

He tried, he really tried to. Regardless of his best efforts though, he couldn’t help but laugh at the twins’ enthusiasm; it was so contagious that the amazed expression on their mother’s face did not even put a damper on it

<<You’re welcome, rascals>>

The two still grinned at him, and he grinned right back.

He was so distracted that he missed the exchange of perplexed glances between Wren and Chad; they had expected everything from him but this calm, almost affectionate acceptance

_Maybe not all hope is lost…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever the twins say something dirty or swear, it is simply because they heard someone say it, but they do not understand the true meaning. They're too young, but they are mischievous and two tearaways.  
> Taking into account their mother's job, her musical preferences and now this collaboration with a very controversial (but awesome anyway) band, they are bound to catch some bad words here and dirty puns here and there.
> 
> I am aware that the pun in the title is lame, but I chose this song also because both protagonists are facing internal dichotomies, and the chorus describes that well.


	5. Murderers Are Getting Prettier Every Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fall on your knees  
> I hear the horrid voices of someone else's angels  
> Fall on your knees  
> I hear the horrid voices of someone else's angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

After the havoc the twins had wreaked, it was decided that everyone deserved a break- especially Chad: the poor guy had spent the whole morning and even the afternoon chasing after two hyperactive five-year-olds, one going left and the other going right. As soon as Twiggy proposed ice cream, the two children ditched the candy and jumped off their mother’s legs, gambolling all over the place and shouting

<<Ice cream! Ice cream!>>

The dreadlocked male threw an apologetic glance at the woman, but she shrugged with a kind smile

<<I’m feeling like getting some ice cream too, actually>>

And that was how they all found themselves sitting in the outside parlour of a cafe, enjoying either a drink or a cone while Wren stuffed tissues in her children’s necklines so they would not make a mess of themselves too much.

Much to the female’s stupor and her producer’s, the shock rocker had even placed the order for the twins’ cones, paying for everyone.

Wren failed to recognised in him the same man she’d eavesdropped on that dreadful night so many years ago, the one who did not even contemplate the idea of a family. It only made her feel worse, because it highlighted just how big of a mistake she’d made when she kept her pregnancy from him.  
She felt guilty, incredibly guilty…

She could only watch as her children enjoyed their ice cream in the chairs beside her ex-husband’s; their gestures, even the expressions were uncannily similar. It suddenly made her wish she were sitting there, instead of them.

_It would be too suspicious now; you can only hope no one notices just how alike they are_

Luckily, nobody seemed to have clicked on to it, and Wren managed to relax a little as she ate her choco mint with relish. She even allowed herself to revel in the illusion that this was a family outing…

Until something- someone, rather, distracted her

<<Hello… Sorry to bother you, but could you spare some change, please?>> Ablond, green-eyed man appeared out of nowhere, standing by the side of their table.

The entire group treated him kindly, handing him some coins and even notes, but they did not give him a second glance; nobody but Wren, that is. In fact, the female seemed to know the newcomer somehow, if her narrowed eyes and curious gaze were anything to judge by; as she slid a tenner in his paper cup, she gasped

<<Oh my… Pat?>>

That caught the males’ attention, and the twins'.

The vagrant eyed her with surprise

<<Yes ma’am, that’s me. May I ask you how do you know my name?>>

She stood up, staring at him with wide eyes

<<It’s me, Wren. Don’t you remember?>>

For a few moments, no one spoke.

The audience was puzzled: how did Wren know a homeless man? She surely was a generous woman, but that did not lead to being on a first-name basis with whoever she helped.

How had that come about, then?

Finally, the man seemed to lighten up, and he grinned brightly

<<Wren? It’s really you?>>

<<Yes! I can’t believe I saw you again!>> She smiled, moving toward him, but he held his hands up

<<What’s wrong?>>

<<I smell, darling, and my clothes are filthy>>

No sooner had he uttered that sentence than he found himself wrapped in her arms

<<I don’t give a damn, Pat>>

He hugged her back, smiling happily

<<I see you did not change, dear; fame did not get to your head>>

As they pulled away, she smacked him playfully

<<How dare you doubt me?!>>

They laughed together. Then, suddenly, she remembered they were not alone

<<Ah, Pat, these are->>

<<Oh, are those your children?>> Pat interrogated, eyeing the twin with curiosity

<<Yes, in the flesh>>

<<What are their names?>>

<<Darlings, would you introduce yourselves to my dear friend here?>>

<<I’m Caden>> The boy beamed, his face entirely smeared with chocolate; his sister was not faring better, but she managed to smile at the newcomer too <<I’m Zoe>>

<<Nice to meet you; my name is Pat>>

<<How do you know mommy?>> They asked candidly.

Both the blond man and the black-haired woman faltered, biting their lips as they thought of how to answer that question

<<We, uh, worked together>> Wren managed to say, avoiding her children’s gaze

<<Cool!>>

<<We shouda guest, you have dedlocks!>>

<<And what does that mean?>>

<<Musicians have dedlocks! Like Tigger!>>

The entire group, minus the man in question, erupted in hysterics

<<Tigger!>>

<<I’ll never live this down, will I?>>

<<Never>> Wren gasped in between peals of laughter.

Caden and Zoe seemed proud to have amused everyone, and they went back to their chocolate.

Their mother turned toward her friend once again; she studied him for a moment, then took his hand

<<Come with me>>

<<Where to?>>

<<Where would you like to go first? Hairdresser, clothes shops, restaurant?>>

No one expected that turn of events

<<Oh no, Wren. I can’t accept all that>>

<<Shucks; you helped me when I needed it more than ever. You deserve this>>

<<But you->>

<<Are you worried about the press?>> She asked with a sneer <<I don’t give a f->> Thanks to a barely perceptible nod from the blond, the singer managed to restrain the foul word <<flying pig about what they are going to say.

You’re coming with me, and that’s final>>

He looked at her with tears in his eyes, filled with gratitude

<<You’re an amazing woman, Wren>>

<<There’s just one problem…>> She trailed off, looking at her children who were still busy ruining their t-shirts

<<We could bring them along; I’d like to meet them>>

<<Later; now you’re in for a makeover. However, I’m kinda hesitant to leave them with Chad again…>>

The producer tried to minimise their worries, but he was clearly worn out. Luckily, Johnny spoke up

<<We’ll watch the monkeys, don’t worry>>

Wren was taken aback

<<Really? Are you sure?>>

<<Of course, it’s no problem>>

<<You will regret this in a few hours, Mr Depp>>

<<I don’t scare that easily, dear, and it’s Johnny>>

She forced a smile on her face and nodded

<<Seriously now, are you sure you don’t mind? They can be a handful>>

<<There’s seven of us, Wren; we’ll be ok>>

Still, the woman eyed the lead singer warily.

Marilyn was almost offended by her uncertainty: sure, they were little more than strangers and she did not have much to trust him, but he seemed to get along with the pests well enough. Why did she doubt him so much?

<<We’ll be fine, doll. Go off to wherever you need to>>

The young songwriter grinned and moved to crouch in front of her children

<<Babies?>>

<<Yes, mommy?>>

<<I have to go do some stuff now, but I’ll be back shortly. Will you be good with Chad, Johnny and the band?>>

Two pairs of hazel eyes were instantly fixed on her, wide and innocent

<<Can’t we come with you?>>

<<No, baby. It’s boring stuff, anyway.

I promise I’ll be quick, ok? Just be good with these guys, please. They’ve been nice to you, right?>>

<<Yes>>

<<Perfect>>

She pecked each child’s cheeks and stood up

<<I’ll bring you something back, alright? Pat, come along>>

<<I’m still not su->>

<<Shove a sock in it and follow me>>

Thus the men were left alone with the twins, who were still enjoying their ice cream

<<So… What do we do now?>>

* * *

A few hours later Wren and Pat returned to the studio, where they found the twins listening to the band playing while Johnny and Marilyn chatted.

The female faltered at that sight: what could they possibly be talking about?

She was forced to plaster a smile on her face when they walked up to her

<<Hey. Did the rascals behave?>>

Johnny chuckled

<<We managed to keep them in check, but I wish you’d been there, Wren>>

<<With any other expression I would have taken that as a plea for help, but you seem amused… Maybe you had a nervous breakdown?>>

Both the actor and his best friend cackled at her comment, shaking their heads; Johnny was all too eager to inform her

<<I’m serious, darling, you should have been there: those two played all of us like fiddles>>

<<Oh no… Did they ask you to buy them something?>>

<<Buy something? No.However…>>

He pulled out his mobile to show her a video: in it, Caden was sitting on Twiggy’s, or Tigger, as he was now known, shoulders.

Wren giggled, and Pat laughed.

Then the framing moved to Zoe, who was looking up at Brian with pouty lips and joined hands. The young woman’s jaw slackened when she saw the musician give in and sit on the wall nearby so she could climb on his back; as soon as he stood up, holding her in place, the little girl proceeded to make fun of her twin from the vantage point of the rocker’s shoulders, underlining the significant height difference between him and the rest of the band.

Wren was torn between laughter and tears: on the one hand she was elated to see her babies have fun, and a group of tough-looking musicians goofing around like toddlers was a sight for sore eyes; on the other hand, however, she felt so incredibly remorseful that she had to grit her teeth not to cry in front of the three men.

When Johnny showed her another video, where Caden had taken Zoe’s place and was making the most of it, she almost sobbed.

Her self-control was fading rapidly, and her nerves were wracked; her ex-husband looked so happy, so at ease with both kids…

<<I’m glad you had a good time>> She ground out, trying to sound as little strained as possible <<Where are they now?>>

<<In the recording room with the guys. Are you done with your…>> Marilyn trailed off as his gaze moved to the guy standing by her side.

He looked like a new person: his hair was now cut short, almost cropped, but it suited his angular visage and the round shape of his green eyes; he was clean-shaven and sported new clothes that showcased his lean, slightly muscular built. He was a handsome man, there was no denying that, and he was blond… Was he the father of the twins?

Was the sudden unpleasant sensation building in his chest jealousy? He barely knew the woman, for crying out loud! And yet, there was something familiar about her…

He liked her, there was no use denying that either.

His eyes scanned her rapidly, taking in her new look: chunky heel platforms that made her seem taller, ripped black denim shorts over dark tights and a black frayed t-shirt that read "I like fingering. Here you go"; under that lettering, there was a huge hand flipping the bird. A black choker was wrapped around her neck, with a tie fashioned like a broken heart, and her lips were now a deep, dark purple. All in all, she looked fantastic.

Damn

<<I love your t-shirt, by the way; new purchase?>>

She giggled

_She is adorable when she does that_

As soon as he realised what he was thinking, he gritted his teeth

_Fuck_

<<Ah, yes. I had it custom made>>

<<A woman after my own heart>> He purred with a smirk.

She recoiled in surprise, and his mind shouted at him

_What the hell do you think you are doing?!_

<<Your heart must like deranged people>>

For a moment, Marilyn was stumped

_Is she flirting back?_

<<Darling, have you seen me? How could I like anything sane?>>

<<You’d have to be insane for liking me>>

The rocker stepped a little closer, never tearing his eyes from hers

<<Well then, good thing that I am, right?>>

He could read both thrill and fear in her eyes, and he did not know how to explain the fear. Was it his reputation?

Did she have prejudices on him?

Suddenly Wren smirked, leaning closer. Ignoring all the alarms ringing in her brain, she drawled sensually

<<Mh, yes. Just the way I like ‘em>>

Then, just like that, she walked past him toward the door of the recording room,followed by Pat, leaving a dumbstruck Marilyn and an amused Johnny who gave his friend a knowing look

<<You like her>>

<<What?>>

<<Oh please Brian, don’t play dumb with me.

 _A woman after my own heart_ >> He mocked, doing air quotes with his hands

<<And what if I do, Johnny boy? Are you interested in her?>>

<<I told you not to call me that, and I’m not, so don’t be jealous. I’m just saying…>>

<<What?>>

<<I don’t want to see you hurt again, Brian. Especially after…>>

<<Astrid>> The taller man growled, baring his teeth.

The actor nodded

<<I just want you to be careful, ok? Wren seems like a nice girl, but she’s younger, and she has kids…>>

<<Fuck, I know. It’s just…>>  
<<You have chemistry, that’s true>>

<<Do you think…>>

<<What?>>

<<Do you think that whatshisname->>

<<Pat>>

<<-Is the twins’ father?>>

That question surprised the shorter musician, and he took a moment to ponder it

<<No, I do not think so. They are blond like him, but Wren could also be blonde under the hair dye, like you.

She mentioned a divorce, so I guess the ex must be the father. Besides, she called him a dear friend>>

<<Dita and I are friends>>

<<If they had been married but had split on good terms, don’t you think she would have helped him with his situation? That she would let him see the children?>>

The singer nodded

<<You’re right>>

<<Those kids don’t have a father, Brian>> Johnny continued <<That means the separation was difficult, much like yours>>

<<So you’re saying that I have a free hand>>

<<Not so free, pal. She is a mother, and she might not be game for casual flings that may affect her children>>

Marilyn stiffened

<<Affect… How?>>

<<I don’t think she would like to introduce someone to them, risk them getting attached and then never see him again>>

<<But->>

<<Would you be ready to be a dad? Remember the conversation we had on this very same topic a few years ago>>

Bran hissed, closing his eyes and trying to fight the memories coming back to him

<<You were completely against the idea. What changed?>>

<<I… It’s not something I’m proud of, Johnny>>

The actor noticed how tense his companion suddenly looked: his arms were crossed, his head hung low and he had a furrow on his face. Immediately he was at his side, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder

<<You can tell me anything, buddy; I won’t judge, you know that>>

<<Thank you, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. I will, eventually, just… Not now>>

<<Fair enough. Whenever you want, I’m here>>

<<Thank you>>

<<You’re welcome, my friend. Now, shall we go? I think your flame is impatiently waiting for your return>>

<<Sod off>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not making any assumptions when it comes to Manson's (actual) divorce either; I write in the story that he is friends with his ex-wife but I do not know if it is actually so; it's just for the story, I'm not making any accusations or insinuations.


	6. Cupid Carries A Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep your halos tight  
> I'm your god or your guardian  
> Keep your halo tight  
> One hand on the trigger, the other hand in mine  
> Because now  
> Cupid carries a gun  
> Now, now  
> Cupid, Cupid carries a gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

The recording room was abuzz with the sound of guitars and keyboards. Wren sat on the floor, the twins in her lap, moving her head to the music while the two little ones clapped excitedly

<<I’ve never seen children enjoy hard rock so much>>

Ginger commented, high-fiving Caden and then Zoe

<<They seem to have a flair for this genre>>

<<Indeed>>

<<Sometimes, they ask me to sing them a song by Arch Enemy>>

<<The melodic death metal band?>>

<<The very same; they love Alissa White-Gluz’s voice>>

<<And you sing like that?>>

  
All of a sudden the music stopped, and all eyes were on her. Wren blushed and bit her lip, looking away

<<You can seriously do _growl_?>>

<<I try…>>

<<Let’s hear it!>> Pogo exclaimed enthusiastically, kneeling beside her

<<Hey, you imps? Would you like to hear mommy sing _Nemesis_?>>

The two squealed in delight

<<Ar favorite is _You will no my name_ >>

The blond performer nodded and stood up, bringing a hand to his chest

<<The people have spoken. Wren, do the honours, would you?>>

The black-haired woman laughed, shaking her head

<<You are crazy>>

<<Guilty as charged. Come on, release the rascals, I want to hear you scream>>

She snorted, accepting the hand Marilyn was offering her

<<You wish>>

Hoots of laughter followed her cheeky retort; the lead singer grinned wickedly

<<You’re bold as brass>>

<<You say it like it’s a bad thing>>

<<Never>>

They stayed like that for a while, staring into each other’s eyes and still not letting of each other’s hand, until someone harrumphed

<<Earth to Wren. Can you hear me?>>

The singer shook her head to break the sudden trance they’d fallen under, and let go of his hand like his touch scorched her skin

<<Right. On it; give me the mic. Do you know the music?>>

<<Pshaw, who do you take us for?>>

<<A bunch of demented people with the craziest one as the leader?>>

<<Oh, then you _do_ know us. Alright>>

Wren laughed while the band prepared the instruments, shaking her head in amusement

_I missed this so much…_

Once again, the knowledge that it was not _her_ they were having fun with, that it was not _her_ Brian was flirting with, hurt more than she could bear. Nevertheless, she was determined to make the most of it

_To hell with the consequences_

  
As soon as that thought crossed her mind, however, her gaze fell on her children, sitting on the chairs in the corner of the room and waving at her with big grins; waving back with a sweet smile, she corrected herself

_Well, maybe I should be mindful of the consequences, at least a little…_

<<Doll, we are ready to go>>

<<Alright. This is for my two little monsters over there in the back>>

Zoe and Caden shrieked and wriggled in their seats. She gave them another sweet smile, then turned on her stage persona and closed her eyes, concentrating on the sound of the guitar, battery and keyboard.

**_The judging eyes watching me_ **

**_Is all I've ever known_ **

If she had been looking at the others in that moment, she would have seen the look of admiration on their faces

**_When I try to open up my heart (Heart, heart)_ **

**_I am ridiculed and torn apart_ **

**_You tell jokes I'll never get to hear_ **

**_Behind my back at my expense_ **

**_There's something inside me_ **

**_And I know it's good_ **

**_I'm not evil, just misunderstood_ **

The twins were very excited to see their mother perform. On the other side of the room, Johnny and Brian watched her in amazement

**_Do you see me now?_ **

**_Do you hear me now?_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

**_Do you see me now?_ **

**_Do you fear me now?_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

She paused, never opening her eyes though; she was still concentrated on the melody, tapping her foot in time with it

**_Today I break my silence_ **

**_Strip you of your dignity_ **

**_Tear down your perfect world_ **

**_Your perfect lies_ **

**_No more jokes I'll never get to hear_ **

**_Behind my back at my expense_ **

**_There's something inside me_ **

**_And I know it's good_ **

**_I'm not evil, just misunderstood_ **

**_Do you see me now?_ **

**_Do you hear me now?_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

**_Do you see me now?_ **

**_Do you fear me now?_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

<<It’s incredible>>

<<I know>>

**_No longer invisible_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

**_Do you see me now?_ **

**_Do you hear me now?_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

**_Do you see me now?_ **

**_Do you fear me now?_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

**_No longer invisible_ **

**_You will know my name_ **

The song came to an end, and she finally opened her eyes again to take in the stupefied expressions of everyone around her.

Her children screamed

<<You are amazing, mommy!>>

She melted right then and there, crouching down to hug them

<<Thank you, babies; I love you so much>>

<<We love you too, mommy>>

After hugging them a little longer, she stood up and turned toward the band

<<Doll, that was… Fantastic>>

The woman blushed, biting her lip

<<You really think so?>>  
<<Absolutely! You sounded just like her>>

<<Oh no, I could never hope to reach that level>>

<<Don’t bring yourself down; you are talented>>

Wren flushed even harder, looking away.

 _Damn it_ , she cursed, _it’s like falling for him all over again_

In the meantime, Marilyn strode up to her and cupped her chin in his hand, lifting it so he could look into her red contacts

<<I mean it, doll; you were amazing>>

<<Thank you. Receiving a compliment from the Antichrist himself really means a lot to me>>

He grinned, and she scrunched up her nose in embarrassment

_She is adorable when she does that_

Once again, his mind raged when that thought crossed his mind, but he ignored it this time.  
Just because his ex-wife had turned out to be a cheating shrew -as far as he knew; he would work that out though- it did not mean that he had no more chances at love, right?  
Maybe this would be the time he got it right

_You keep telling yourself that, and look where it got you last time_

His conscience scolded him, but he’d had enough

_Fuck off_

<<You know doll, I could give you a lot more compliments… Tonight, say, over dinner?>>

Wren froze on the spot, unable to believe her ears. An argument between her and her conscience began

_He did not just ask me out. He didn’t_

_Yes he did! Are you deaf?_

Her subconscious shouted

_I’m just upset! Did he forget me so… So easily?_

_You are Wren AND Astrid; if he’s attracted to Wren, it means he still likes Astrid_

_So I should just… Go with it?_

_YES! Are you dumb? When is this chance gonna come to you again?_

_I divorced the man, and look where we’re at_

_Touché. But seriously now, don’t you dare turn him down! You like him too much to even think about that_

_He’s my ex-husband. Am I supposed to pretend to be a whole other person?How would I feel when he likes the part I’m playing better than me?_

_First of all, you know he brings out even the darkest parts of me. Secondly, if I lower my guard just one second, he’s gonna recognise me, and that will be the end of our whatever-it-is, of my career, of everything!_

_You are not the same person you were before, Astrid. Or should I say Wren?_

_You changed, and you did not even notice. Your divorce hardened you in ways you cannot even imagine, and yet… You know you love this man more than anything in the world_

_And that is exactly why I cannot lie to him!_

_You’re not lying! You’re just… Omitting the truth_

_Which is even worse_

_Oh for fuck’s sake, girl, then reject him! Make everything awkward, think of a dumb excuse that he’ll turn against you until you have to tell him the real reason behind your refusal and see how that goes!_

_I’m just scared_

At that, her conscience’s voice softened

_Of course you are, but it will be ok. Even if he finds out who you are, he cannot hurt you_

_Really? He is so popular… His fans would have my head if they found out I’m the one who broke their idol’s heart_

_Without you, they wouldn’t have the new album_

_That’s gonna be my epitaph_

_Jeez, girl, just accept the poor man’s invitation; his grin is decreasing as we speak_

_And I hate seeing him like that, but I-_

_Look, I know you want to fix things with him. As much as it may hurt, he’ll never talk to Astrid again, and that’s a fact._

_However maybe, if you approach him as Wren -which is your stage persona, so not a complete lie- you may be able to, you know… Get him to consider things from your perspective_

_I just hope he’ll understand_

_He will; remember what you told Chad?_

_That he’s a nice guy. I fell in love with him for a reason_

_And that same reason is why you’re going to accept his invitation right now_

That was the final verdict, regardless of how frightened she felt.

Meanwhile, Brian was facing a similar internal dichotomy

_You’ve done it_

_I did nothing wrong!  
_

_Look at her: she’s terrified_

_She divorced her husband not long ago; she’s just worried it may be too soon_

_Sure… That’s why she’s looking at you like you’re a killer_

_Stop it_

_No, I’m not going to stop it! You just ruined this whole collaboration because you couldn’t keep it in your pants!_

_That’s not what I want from her!_

_Oh, isn’t it now?_

_No_

_Ah, yes, the way you were ogling her was completely innocent, sure._

_You’re pathetic_

_Am not_

_Are, too, and she’ll show you in a moment, rejecting your proposition by laughing in your face and saying-_

<<Yes>>

That shook him

<<Yes?>>

<<Yes, Marilyn. I will go on a date with you>>

As soon as he heard those words, he grinned so widely that his cheeks hurt; it must have been contagious, because she couldn’t stop a smile either

<<Thank you, doll. I’ll pick you up at eight thirty this evening, ok?>>

<<Yeah>>

He pecked her cheek

<<Marvellous. Shall we work on our song in the meantime?>>

Wren nodded enthusiastically, earning herself another kiss.

* * *

<<I have nothing to wear!>> Wren cried out, throwing the umpteenth dress on her bed. Behind her, leaning against the wall, Pat was having a hard time fighting his laughter.

She noticed, and turned to glare at him

<<You prick; you could at least try to help me>>

<<I did, darling: I said you look amazing in every outfit you tried, but you ->>

<<I don’t want to be too casual, but neither too elegant>>

<<The purple dress is something between>>

<<He may get the wrong idea if I strut out of the house in that dress…>>

<<Then put on black and white one with a floral pattern; it’s nice>>

<<Too plain>>

<<The black one with the silky, sheer skirt?>>

<<Too sexy>>

<<You can never be too sexy, Wren>>

<<It’s too much>>

<<The shimmery one with hearts?>>

<<Too gaudy>>

<<I give up>> the blond sighed, sitting on the mattress beside the ever-growing pile of clothes <<At this rate, you’re never gonna find anything to wear>>

<<And it’s eight o’clock on the nose! He’s gonna be here soon, if he hasn’t changed his mind…>>

That caught Pat’s attention; standing up, the man approached her and cupped her chin in his hand, lifting it to look her in the eyes where he found some tears already pooling

<<You really want to impress this guy>>

<<Yes>>

<<Alright then, listen to me>> He moved his hands to her shoulders and gave her a gentle but meaningful squeeze <<You are beautiful, Wren; even now, in sweats and your ridiculous t-shirt->> She was still wearing the I like fingering. Here you go tee <<you look stunning; you did even when you sat beside me on the pavement with that filthy blanket and tangled hair.

Most importantly though you’re smart, funny and kind, so kind. You’re a wonderful person, and if he doesn’t understand that, he’s not worth your time>>

The woman gave him a soft smile, finally letting her tears fall as she reached up and placed her hands on his. She was scared alright, but the apparel was only part of the problem: what she really feared was that her ex-husband would realise just who he was having dinner with.

She really wanted to talk about it with Pat- though they had not seen each other in about five years, they were still very close; he’d been her best friend during the months she’d spent on the streets, sharing his meagre meals with her and offering her a shoulder to cry on when her pain became too much to bear. As soon as she’d been able to, she’d started donating money to whatever organisation she could find to support homeless people, hoping with all her heart that he would find a home and a job soon; if only he had not been in jail when Chad had found her…

_So bloody unfair, being arrested for stealing a fucking sandwich. He was starving, for crying out loud!_

_And he took it for me, too…_

<<C’mon now, just choose a dress, put on some lipstick and brush your hair>>

<<Aye aye, captain>>

<<Get the purple one>>

<<But it’s->>

<<For heaven’s sake, just get dressed already!>>

<<Fine, you curmudgeon!>>

He threw the gown in question at her and ushered her to the bathroom

<<I’ll get your shoes in the meantime; the black satin heels will look good with it>>

<<Were you a stylist before?>>

<<Shut up!>>

  
With a giggle, Wren began to change, lacquering her lips with black and adding her ruby contacts as soon as the dress was on.

Once she was done she walked out of the bathroom, shyly keeping her head down

<<Do I look ok?>>

Pat abandoned his exploration of her shoe closet, an annoyed retort already on the tip of his tongue, but he trailed off as soon as he set eyes on her; his jaw slackened

<<Pat?>>

Still no reply

<<I’m ridiculous, aren’t I?>>

<<Wren… You look breathtaking>>

<<I do?>>

Snorting affectionately, her friend walked up to her and took her hands, twirling her on the spot. The gown she’d finally thrown on was purple and velvety, with a one-shoulder neckline; the other arm was covered in black lace that reached her neck. Both sides of her skirt were slitted, giving an enticing but still modest view of her thighs

<<Absolutely gorgeous. Here, put these on>>

The singer took the black shoes from him and slipped them on her feet, smoothing slight wrinkles in her dress

<<You’ll knock him on his ass>>

<<Stop it>>

<<I mean it, _doll_ >>

Wren snorted, shoving him playfully; he pulled her closer

<<Thank you. Are you going to be ok with Zoe and Caden?>>

<<Of course! We’re going to have so much fun>>

<<Not too much though, please; insurance is expensive>>

<<Fine, you killjoy; your comment is applicable to you as well though>>

Wren blushed to the roots of her hair

<<Asshole>>

Pat was about to retort, but the noise of a car pulling over by the entrance distracted him

<<Oh, your boyfriend is here!>>

<<He’s not my boyfriend!>>

<<Not _yet_ , my dear>>

When they heard the distinct sound of a car door being opened and closed, Pat took hold of Wren and began to push her out the door

<<Go, he’s waiting for you>>

<<You’re going to make me trip!>>

<<Shut up and move>>

They finally reached the main entrance, luckily without accidents, just when the doorbell rang; Wren went to open, her palms feeling clammy already

<<Hi>>

There he was, clad in a black tux and with his usual dark lipstick. His smile made the butterflies in her stomach flutter wildly, and she flushed a little

<<Hey>>

Marilyn grinned, giving her a once-over

<<You look wonderful, doll>>

The scarlet hue on her cheeks darkened

<<Thanks; you clean up nice too>>

He offered her his arm

<<Shall we go?>>

Wren turned to look at Pat, but he dismissed her worries immediately

<<Go, and enjoy yourself>>

<<You know you have my number for any emer->>

<<Yes Wren, I know the drill. Overprotective much?>>

<<Just enough>>

<<We’ll be fine, dear. Now smeg off, or I’ll ask Mr Manson here to pick you up>>

The young musician rolled her eyes and spun to face the taller man again

<<Sorry>>

<<No problem, I understand; I promise I’ll drive you home instantly if he calls, ok?>>

The woman swooned

_He’s such a wonderful husband…_

The voice of her conscience instantly broke the spell

_Hold your horses, young lady: this is just a date. Let’s see how it goes, if the old flame is still there_

Wren chided herself

_Right. Fuck, sorry_

_Calm down, you’re all nerves_

_Easier said than done; I’ll try though_

He offered her his arm again, and she accepted gladly.

The rocker escorted her to the car and even opened the door for her. When he started the engine, he tried to initiate small-talk

<<How are the pests doing?>>

The woman giggled

<<They’re good; still hyped up from the afternoon they spent with you>>

<<Glad to hear that; children are usually scared of me>>

<<It’s a projection of their parents’ fears>> She tutted annoyedly; he smirked

<<So your kids adore me because you do too?>>

That comment brought her up short

_Impressive: he managed to turn it against you in an instant_

<<Conceited much, Mr Manson?>>

As she expected, he groaned

<<What’s with you and not calling me Marilyn?>>

Wren shrugged

<<How’s that different? The real privilege would be getting to call you by your given name>>

The older singer was surprised by her statement

<<That’s very wise, especially for an excuse>>

<<It’s only partly an excuse>>

They finally reached the restaurant he’d chosen for their evening

_Italian; I love Italian food_

_He doesn’t know that_

_Could he be thinking of Astrid while he’s taking me out?_ She wondered hopefully

_Don’t get ahead of yourself, Wren. Baby steps- Fuck, scratch that; small steps_

The woman nodded, but her mind was still lost

_And yet…_

While he scored her inside, he gave her a smile

<<Hear me out: after this date, if it goes well enough for me to achieve a second one, I’ll officially grant you the immense honour of calling me Brian>>

Unable to hold her sarcasm back, Wren brought her free hand to her chest and pretended to be moved

<<I’m so touched>>

He snorted but, instead of replying with a witty comeback, he simply leaned in, lips dangerously close to her ear, and whispered huskily

<<You will be, doll>>

She couldn’t even disguise the shiver that ran down her spine, which made him chuckle

_Holy fuck_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured in this chapter is "You Will Know My Name" by Arch Enemy. I am in no way making claims on their art.
> 
> Let me know what you think of the story 😊


	7. Heart-Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't break, don't break my heart  
> And I won't break your heart-shaped glasses  
> Little girl, little girl, you should close your eyes  
> That blue is getting me high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

They took their seats in a secluded corner of the restaurant; he even pulled the chair for her, giving her a smile as he took his own seat and she blushed. After ordering, they conversed while they waited for their food

<<I’m glad you accepted to go out with me>>

<<Did you think I wouldn’t?>>

<<Yes, actually>>

<<Why’s that?>>

<<I don’t know… You seem tense around me>>

Ironically, Wren stiffened even more

_Fuck, she cursed, we’ve not even eaten and he’s already on to me_

Trying to breathe normally and remain calm, the songwriter forced a smile on her face

<<I know, but it’s not just you>>

<<Even the guys? Even Johnny?>>

Wren nodded

<<Why?>>

<<Well, my divorce…>>

He winced when she said that word; she cast her eyes down and wriggled her fingers <<My divorce gave me severe trust issues, I think>>

<<Was it… Bad?>>

Her smile turned sincere, but sad

<<Horrible. It could have gone worse probably, but I don’t know how>>

<<I’m sorry to hear that, doll. I know where you’re coming from>>

The woman laughed bitterly, in her own head

_You don’t know how true that is_

<<Your separation was tough too?>>

<<Terrible. We did not have kids, but it was a bloody battlefield>>

Wren gritted her teeth

_Did not have kids, right. Guess again_

<<I understand>>

Silence stretched between them for a while; they were too caught up in their own sorrow to think of anything else to say. Thankfully, at some point Marilyn had enough and decided to initiate a new conversation

<<Enough with the sad talk. Tell me what got you into music>>

Her smile grew, happy once again even though there were traces of melancholy in her eyes

<<Truth be told, I’ve always loved music; it got me through some tough times, basically raised me when my parents did not want to.

It was always there for me>>

<<Your parents…>>

<<You said enough with the sad talk>> She joked, making him chuckle. Then, with a sigh, she admitted <<My so-called parents despise me. They are religious fundamentalists, two nutcases that did not tolerate a daughter like me, and they made sure to let me know>>

Her hands unconsciously went to her cheek, where a scar shone under her short hair. Marilyn seethed

<<I hate bastards like that. You did not deserve any of it>>

<<Thanks, but seriously, let’s get back to lighter topics>>

<<Well, not lighter, just less sombre>>

<<Agreed>>

<<What kind of music did you like?>>

The way her eyes twinkled when he asked her that made him grin even more

_She’s adorable when she does that_

For the first time since he’d met her, his conscience did not lash out at him for thinking that

<<Many different genres, but mostly rock and metal>>

<<I guess I should have known>>

<<Well yeah: I just painted the perfect picture of a troubled, rebel teenager for you. It couldn’t have been clearer>>

The rocker snorted

<<I guess the sass did not help either>>

<<Oh no. It earned me the majority of my scars>>

That confession made him freeze: it meant they beat her.

His jaw was set, and his fist clenched. Yet, to avoid her pain, he swallowed his vitriol and smiled as softly as he could

<<I’m glad you got out of there>>

<<Me too, so much. Now I have a real family>> She beamed, clearly thinking of her twins. He chuckled

<<Ah yes, the demons>>

<<I call them twins of evil>>

<<It undoubtedly suits them>>

<<I see they made an impression>>

<<A striking one, much like their mother>>

Wren’s cheeks darkened to match the colour of her contacts

<<Smooth, Manson>>

<<Just telling the truth, doll>>  
She snickered and reached out for the bottle of red wine, but he beat her to it

<<Let me>>

After poring a hearty dose in both their glasses, he put the wine down and took a sip

<<Is red wine your drink of choice?>>

<<Maybe. I’m not much of a drinker though>>

<<I guess kids make it harder>>

She groaned, grimacing

<<You have no idea. Waking up with a hangover and hearing their shrill voices calling me is torture…

I kinda feel guilty for pretending to be asleep when it happens, but the headaches are terrible. Luckily, sometimes I can call Chad to babysit>>

<<What about their father?>>

Instantly, he noticed her grow tenser than she’d ever been around him

<<He… He’s not in the picture anymore>>

He did not expect _that_

<<They don’t see him?>>

<<No. They never met him; he doesn’t know about them>> She murmured, looking away and gulping the remainder of her wine

_Fuck_

<<I’m sorry, doll>>

  
Wren stayed silent; she tried to fight it, with everything she had, but a tear still made its way down her cheek. She dried it quickly, but not enough for him not to notice

<<I’m sorry, darling, I didn’t mean to make you cry>>

She still avoided his eyes, biting her lip and making a massive effort to stop any more stray teardrops

_He should be telling me this in other circumstances_

At that moment, it felt to Wren like the weight of just what she was doing was coming crashing down on her

_What the hell were you thinking, you reckless fool?_

Then, something happened: instinctively, he reached out to take her hand in his. When his skin touched hers, both of them felt thrills run up their spines, like electric sparks

_Shit,_ Wren mused. _The old flame’s still there alright_

It felt weird even to Marilyn

_Fuck. Wren…_

<<What can I do to make you smile again?>> He entreated, squeezing a little harder.

She took a deep breath and finally lifted her head up

<<I just… I need a minute>>

<<Take all the time you need, I’m not going anywhere>>

_You said that last time too_

<<Thanks. I bet this is very sexy>>

He cackled, letting go of her fingers to wipe her cheeks dry

<<You still look amazing, Wren>>

A corner of her mouth rose slightly, but it was a huge victory to him

<<There we go. That’s better>>

She laughed

<<Thank you. Some food would be even better though, I’m starving>>

<<It will come soon, darling>>

<<Never too soon. And that joke is lame>>

<<I haven’t->>

<<You were about to, I could see it in your eyes>>

<<Oh?>>

<<Please, I basically served it to you on a silver plate. Speaking of which->>

<<Good evening>> Another waiter, younger than the one who’d taken their orders, walked up to them and placed their plates on the table; Wren was positively drooling. In fact, she was so taken by her pasta that she did not even notice the guy eyeing her up with a slight smirk, but her companion did. He growled, making the younger man come back to his senses and scuttle away from the table after the routine complimentary phrases

<<I love Italian cuisine>>

He grinned

<<I can see that>>

<<Shut up and eat>>

<<Rude>>

<<At least your mouth will be to busy for you to make fun of me>>

<<There’s still _after dinner_ , doll>>

Those words sent shivers up her spine, making him cackle deviously

_It sounds like a promise_

* * *

The couple enjoyed their meal, talking some more while the waiters came and went. Wren was in stitches for most of the time, keeping a hand over her mouth as he made her laugh even while she ate, and Marilyn smiled: seeing her like that made his heart soar

_Woah there, boy: aren’t you going too fast?_

_  
What’s the point in waiting?_

_Not getting hurt again_

_I went slow last time, and it tore me apart anyway. This time, I want to enjoy myself as much as I can before it all comes crumbling down_

_Now that’s optimistic. Weren’t you the one who said this would be the lucky try?_

_I’m just being provident. She’s fantastic, and could very well be my other half, but I am not a half anymore: I’ve been broken too much_

_You should use that in a song. Anyhow, let’s see how it goes_

<<That joke is horrible>>

<<But you’re laughing>>

<<Oh, that doesn’t mean anything: I laugh at everything>>

<<I can see>>

<<Sod off>>

He chortled, sipping his wine

<<By the way, are we going to work on our song tomorrow?>>

<<If you come to my place, we can try to write something tonight>>

Wren winced, taken aback by his forwardness. He’d never been like that.

What was going on?

<<After wining and dining? Heaven knows how that would turn out>>

He smirked wolfishly, eyeing her ravenously

<<Wanna find out?>>

She simply sipped her wine, playing off her ever-increasing blush. He chuckled: she was so adorable in his eyes.

* * *

After they were done with dinner -and after a fight over the bill, where Wren had managed to distract Marilyn by pressing herself up against him, only to slip her credit card to the very same waiter who’d been eyeing her up earlier. Needless to say, the rocker had not been too happy about that, but a peck on the cheek had lifted his mood- they decided to go to a bar; the younger musician named a dive a few blocks away.

The man was surprised she even knew a place like that: it was rundown and rather dirty, the drinks were pure alcohol and little else, but people were drunk enough not to recognise either of them, and they had karaoke. Of course, Wren wanted to try, so she strutted up to the rather tipsy band and told them something about the track she wanted to sing, since they probably did not know it. They started to play, and she began to sing

**_Slice like a knife, your middle name’s Danger_ **

**_Hunting tonight, you kill the park ranger_ **

**_Saving the life of any old stranger_ **

**_Your are large as a planet, but_ **

**_Locked to ground with attitude for days_ **

**_Rock to the sound of any song you play_ **

**_Shocking the crowd, smile on your face_ **

**_I just can't understand it, no_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Maybe, but then again this life is short_ **

**_You are exactly what I'm looking for_ **

**_You are the key that opens up the door_ **

**_I'll take anything from you_ **

**_I'd long to love you_ **

**_You are exactly what I've waiting for_ **

**_Waiting has only made me love you more_ **

**_Tell me what you're gonna do_ **

**_I'm crazy into you_ **

**_White picket fence, the typical picture_ **

**_Think you should know that's not what I'm into_ **

**_I'm not an ordinary girl_ **

**_Got your scent & I'm gonna follow it_ **

**_All of the girls think I'm a bit psycho_ **

**_Maybe I am but that's the way I roll_ **

**_And when I gotcha watch the whole world know_ **

**_I am truly original_ **

He watched her, enthralled, as she continued to sing with her eyes closed, holding onto the microphone like a lifeline

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Maybe, but then again this life is short_ **

**_You are exactly what I'm looking for_ **

**_You are the key that opens up the door_ **

**_I'll take anything from you_ **

**_I'd long to love you_ **

**_You are exactly what I've waiting for_ **

**_Waiting has only made me love you more_ **

**_Tell me what you're gonna do_ **

**_I'm crazy into you_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't cha, don't cha, oh_ **

**_I long to love you, I long to love you_ **

**_I'm not enough_ **

**_I long to love you, I long to love_ **

**_I'm not enough_ **

**_I long to love you, I long to love oh oh_ **

**_Tell me whatcha gonna do_ **

Was that song meant for him? What did it mean if it was?

**_I'm crazy baby into you_ **

**_I long to love you, I long to love you_ **

**_I'm not enough_ **

**_I long to love you, I long to love_ **

**_I'm not enough_ **

**_I long to love you, I long to love oh oh_ **

**_Tell me whatcha gonna do_ **

**_I'm crazy baby into you_ **

Her voice suddenly dropped to a soft melody, and the singing slowed-

**_You are exactly what I'm looking for_ **

**_You are the key that opens up the door_ **

**_You are exactly what I've waited for_ **

**_Waiting has only made me love you_ **

Only to get louder and faster a few moments later

**_You are exactly what I'm looking for_ **

**_You are the key that opens up the door_ **

**_I'll take anything from you_ **

**_I'd long to love you_ **

**_You are exactly what I've waiting for_ **

**_Waiting has only made me love you more_ **

**_Tell me what you're gonna do_ **

**_I'm crazy into you_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't you think you are a little extreme_ **

**_Don't cha, don't cha, don't cha don't cha, oh_ **

When she was done, applause roared throughout the joint, even shaking the windows; she cackled and bowed, handing back the mic and walking back to her date, who welcomed her with a questioning glance

<<What is it?>>

<<Doll… Was the song meant for me?>>

Wren balked; only then did she realise just what message the lyrics had conveyed to her ex-husband-turned-date

_Oh bloody fuck_

<<Was it?>>

_Well, we made our bed, now we have to sleep in it_

<<Maybe>>

He observed her intently, studying her expression with curiosity

<<Why do you say you are not enough?>>

<<I told you, I’m still reeling from my divorce; it will take a long time to heal>>

<<I’m still healing from mine too, but I think there is a reason I met someone like you>>

<<Someone like me?>> She pretended to be indignant.

He snickered, moving closer in the booth and leaning in

<<Yes, someone like you. A woman who’s sassy, sweet, loves music as much as I do, has a wonderful voice, is talented and beautiful, so beautiful…>>

Her eyes widened, and he suddenly felt a wave of rage against her ex-husband for destroying such a precious, delicate flower. Delicate, but so strong at the same time, if the fact that she was raising her children alone while advancing her career as a singer was anything to judge by

<<B-Beautiful?>>

He scooted even closer and cupped her chin, looking her in the eyes

<<Oh yes. Irresistible, I’d say…>>

  
His eyes moved to her lips and then back to hers. Her breath hitched, but she did not move.

The distance between their faces began to decrease, slowly but steadily.

Wren’s heart thumped so wildly and loudly she was certain he heard it; Brian felt much like a teenager kissing his crush for the first time.

Finally, their lips brushed together; it was all it took for them to lose themselves in each other.

His arms found their way around her waist to press her against him tightly while hers wrapped around his neck. She found herself squashed between him and the wall, but she enjoyed it immensely.

The kiss was getting lewder by the second; to be fair, neither of them had started it with the intention of being delicate and loving, but it was getting far more out of hand than they realised. Marilyn nipped her lower lip and sucked it between his teeth, making her moan and sink her fingers in his hair, pulling just enough to elicit groans from him.

They were so into it that they ended up basically lying on the bench, one on top of the other; his hand found her thigh, hooking under the bend of her knee and lifting it so it wrapped around his hip while he skated his finger over the smooth skin left uncovered by the slit in her dress.

Out of the blue, a round of applause for the next person who would attempt karaoke reminded them they were in public, and they pulled themselves together. In the meantime, they both tried to quell the ever growing turmoil in their minds

_Holy fucking shit, he kissed me_

_Kissed? More like made out with you_

_It felt good_

_I can see: you’re incredibly flustered_

_Oh shut up_

_You are NOT sleeping with him tonight, so get it together and cool off; the last thing you need is to be dumped again after he’s had his way with you_

_I wasn’t-_

_Oh please, I know perfectly well that you were hoping to rekindle your relationship; you’re not just after sex, even though you’ve gone six years without it and-_

_SHUT UP!  
  
What? It’s the truth_

_It… It did not feel right without him_

_Aw, poor little baby; do you think he had similar qualms while screwing groupie after groupie?_

Just like that, any desire she felt to take it further with him that night died

_There you go, little silly girl._

_Don’t rush it, or you’ll regret it_

* * *

_Damn, that was some kiss_

_Look at her: you scared her_

Brian threw a glance at her. Upon seeing that she was, indeed, -but not for the reason he thought- shaken, his whole seductive persona crumbled, and the insecurity took its place again

_Fuck, she’s terrified_

_Well, you cannot demand a girl to put out for you on the first date and expect her to be over the moon. Unless she’s a slut, you know_

_Wren’s not like that_

_You don’t know her that well but no, she does not seem promiscuous: just look at her now_

_I have already, thank you_

_Aw, is poor little Brian upset because he’s not getting any tonight?_

_Fuck you_

_It seems that’ll be your only resort tonight, buddy_

_Holy shi-_

_Look, just try to calm her down. You had a good time tonight, didn’t you?_

_Yeah_

_Ask her for a second date_

_With that reaction to a kiss?_

_You stubborn mule. ASK HER ON ANOTHER DATE_

_Fine! Let’s get out of here first, or I’ll probably pounce on her again_

He stood up and offered her his arm; she took it with a small smile and let him walk her outside, toward the car. During the drive, they blasted any radio station that played rock music; when they found _Body talks_ she went crazy, launching in her own car-karaoke

**_You can be cool, you can be shy_ **

**_Say what you want, say what you like ‘cause_ **

**_Ooh, your body talks, your body talks_ **

**_Ooh, ooh, your body talks_ **

**_You can pretend you don't want to know_ **

**_But I read the signs from your head to your toes_ **

**_Yeah, you don't need to say a word ‘cause_ **

**_Ooh, ooh, your body talks_ **

He cackled, shaking his head in amusement even though those lyrics made him think: she’d been so responsive to him, so eager, and yet so frightened…

Almost like a virgin.

Of course, he knew she was not untouched, but something must have happened to reduce her to that state. Again, a bout of contempt for her former spouse overwhelmed him.

He wanted to ask her about him, but it was clear that she would be anything but willing to discuss that particular topic… Much like he did not want to even think about his ex-wife, especially when he was finally enjoying himself with a woman doing something more than banging.

That turn in his thoughts made him smile; watching her belt out the words in time with Kesha broadened his grin even more. Wren was special.

Sure, he’d said that about Astrid as well - _poisonous bitch,_ he cursed, _always slithering around my mind when I’m having a good time_ \- but even that knowledge did not deter him from admiring the songwriter sitting beside him in the passenger seat; he hadn’t been so relaxed and carefree since the beginning of his divorce. No, scratch that: since his marriage had begun to decline.

He’d suffered so much; they both had. Perhaps it was time for a little happiness?

He certainly hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs featured in this chapter are "Extreme" by Valora and "Body Talks" By The Strums ft. Ke$ha. I am in no way making claims on their art.
> 
> Let me know what you think of the story 😊


	8. Leave a Scar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself  
> Are you aware I'm a danger to others?  
> There's a crack in my soul  
> You thought was a smile
> 
> Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar  
> Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar  
> Leave a scar, leave a scar  
> Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of self-harm, drinking and drug use. It's a retelling of the story presented in chapter 2
> 
> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

Wren touched her lips incredulously, leaning against the door with a smile.

She’d had a wonderful time that evening; the kiss he’d planted on her lips before letting her walk through the door had made her weak at the knees. As if that was not enough, however…

_< <I had a fantastic time tonight>>_

_< <Me too. Thanks for this wonderful date, Marilyn>>_

_< <Brian, sweetie. Call me Brian>>_

_< <Ok… Brian>>_

Reliving the kiss made her blush scarlet.

She bent to remove her heels and plonked down on the couch, flexing her aching toes but still grinning dumbly. The sound of steps approaching did not pull her out of her reverie; luckily, they clearly belonged to an adult

<<Hello, _doll_ >> Pat teased with a chuckle; once he noticed the state she was in, he laughed a little louder- just a little; the twins were asleep, and he’d almost succumbed to tiredness himself in the arduous attempt to put them to bed

<<I take it the date went well?>>

<<Yes>> She exhaled dreamily, still looking at the ceiling with a dumb smile. He took a seat next to her, still cackling

<<Wren is in love…>>

<<Shut up>> She scolded affectionately, sitting up and swatting him on the shoulder

<<Actually, there’s something I wanted to show you>>

<<Oh, what is it?>>

<<Well, I looked Manson up on the internet- just for research>> He swore, noticing the furrow on his friend’s face

<<Fine>> She sighed <<So what?>>

<<Well, I found pics of his ex-wife, and I must say, I’m kinda freaked out by how much she looks like you>>

The black-haired woman felt her heart cease to beat, and her blood freeze in her veins. Her breathing stopped; she was terrified

<<Seriously, look at this>> He unlocked the mobile she’d bought him that afternoon and showed her a picture which she remembered very well. It had been taken at one of Johnny’s POTC premieres, a few months after their marriage. Such happy days; they were so in love, it felt like a fairytale… Of course, neither of them would have ever accepted such a mushy term, but still, that was the kind of relationship they were enjoying at that moment.

To Wren’s teary eyes, it seemed like centuries ago, another lifetime… That woman was someone else, someone that no longer existed: pain, tears and hunger had killed her slowly during the atrocious divorce, and after. They had slowly worn him too, she knew, but still…

Seeing her and her ex-husband smiling at the cameras and hugging each other felt like a kick in the stomach, and she knew how badly that hurt- her parents had taught her well

<<She has longer, lighter hair and doesn’t wear contacts, but the resemblance is undeniable, you have to admit… Wren?>>

The singer was shaking with silent sobs. Immediately, her companion grew alarmed

<<Wren, darling, what’s wrong? Is it the picture? If it is you have nothing to worry about: you’re prettier than her and have much more in common with him than she did->>

<<Stop>>

<<What?>>

<<Stop comparing her and me>> She cried <<We are different. We are entirely separate people>>

<<Of course you are->>

<<Stop!>> She exploded, suddenly standing up and walking away from him, hiding her face in her hands.

Pat was incredibly puzzled

<<Wren, I don’t understand… Why are you reacting like this?  
They are divorced, she’s no longer a threat->>

<<She will always be a threat>> Wren snivelled, still not looking at him

<<You don’t even know her>>

<<Astrid Lauren McCarson, born on the 15th of January 1988 in Sussex, England. Moved to the States when she was five, lived in LA with her parents for years before inheriting and moving into her grandparents’ house. She met her ex-husband at one of his shows and, well… The rest is history>>

Pat gaped, scrolling down the page where he’d found information on the former Mrs Antichrist that he was comparing to her tale

<<You _do_ know her. Extremely well, it seems…>>

<<Far too well to my taste, and yet… Not well enough>> She whimpered, resting her head against the wall as she waited for him to connect the dots. Her friend simply gaped at her, unable to comprehend

<<How… How is that possible?>>

<<Oh for crying out loud->> She hissed, striding up to the couch and inelegantly dumping her left leg on the cushion next to him

<<Wren, what->>

<<You see this scar?>> She asked him, pointing at a one-inch-long discolouration on the internal part of her knee

<<Yes, and?>>

Gruffly, the woman took the mobile from his hands and zoomed on the woman’s knees before handing the device back.

He stared at the screen for about five minutes, during which the singer fought with all her might the sudden urge to scream and smash something against the wall.

Finally, he lifted his gaze up to hers; she saw the recognition in his eyes, as well as incredulity

<<I got this when I was fourteen; my father made me kneel on a smashed bottle of beer as a punishment, and a shard rammed home in my knee>> She unravelled, taking her leg off the couch.

A bitter laugh fell from her lips

<<I feel like Ulysses now>>

<<You- You are-?>>

<<I am Astrid, yes. Wren is Astrid, Astrid is Wren>>

He gaped

<<Before you ask no, I’m not mentally disturbed -well, not in _that_ way at least: I don’t have schizophrenia, DID or anything of the sort. I just…

Bloody hell, how do I explain something like this?>>

<<Telling me the story, _Astrid_ >> The blond noted sternly.

The woman sighed, slumping down on the couch a few cushions from him

<<Don’t be mad at me Pat, please. Have I ever been mean or rude to you?>>

That truth seemed to thaw the sudden frigidity in the male

<<No, but I don’t understand… Why did you lie to me?>>

<<I didn’t, honey. As I said before, we are entirely separate people>>

<<You also said Wren is Astrid and Astrid is Wren!>>

<<I know, but I am no longer that woman, as you can see. I _was_ her, a long time ago, before my fucking divorce…  
The divorce killed Astrid; by the time Chad rescued me, I was someone else>>

Finally, the distraught blond seemed to understand a little of what she was implying

<<So you… You became Wren when Chad hired you>>

<<Yup. I legally changed my name to Wren Cross; that’s my pseudonym too>>

<<But wait a second. If you are- _were_ Astrid McCarson, then you- you went on a date with your ex-husband tonight?!>>

<<He has no idea, Pat>>

<<Why are you tricking him? Are you out for revenge?>>

A harsh, bitter laugh fell from her lips, startling him

<<Revenge? On him? Sweetie, the only person who has to pay here is me. I don’t deserve a second chance with him, and yet…>>

<<What the hell are you saying, Wre- As- I don’t even know what to call you anymore!>>

<<Wren>> She murmured, moving slightly closer and hesitantly reaching for his hand <<Please, call me Wren; I want to forget Astrid ever existed>>

The anguish in her eyes was so raw that he gasped and simply let her talk, unable to think of anything to say. She smiled sadly

<<You want to hear the whole story don’t you?>>

<<I’m afraid to ask…>>

<<As you should be. Anyway, it all started on a cold November morning, while birds chirped on the bare trees out the window and a cold breeze blew through the branches…>>

<<Wren, stop it; sarcasm will get you nowhere>>

The female laughed sardonically, standing up

<<I know, I know. It’s just… Every time I relive this nightmare I want to gouge my heart out>> She confessed, scaring him even more

<<Wre->>

<<You know what? I’ll go change into something more comfortable and I’ll meet you here; it’s a long story, so we’d better be ready for bed immediately after>>

<<You’re making me worry>>

<<I know. Wait for me, ok?>>

He nodded, concern etched on his features as he observed her tiptoe up the stairs to her bedroom.

* * *

She joined him in the living room about ten minutes later, sporting slacks and a tank top, along with her inseparable gloves.

Given the circumstances, it caused him anxiety: what was she hiding under those things?

<<So, uh… I was married to Marilyn years ago.

It was bloody amazing. I was incredibly happy>> The wistfulness in her gaze and her sad smile were clear signs of how much she missed those days

<<Then what happened?>>

<<Well, as I’m sure you know, condoms are not 100% reliable>>

At that, the man sucked in a breath

<<Zoe and Caden are->>

<<His kids? Yes. I mean, come on! They are his miniatures>>

He froze for a moment, probably trying to recall some scenes from earlier that day

<<Now that I think about it, they sure do resemble him greatly…>>

<<Yeah. Too much. It’s like looking at him every day, and it hurts; a stab would be easier to bear>>

<<I’m sorry>>

<<Thanks. Anyway, I was afraid to discuss this with him, for fear he might react badly; turns out that would have been the wisest choice>>

<<It promises to be a disturbing story>>

<<Oh, this is just the start.

So one night I got up, unable to sleep, and I went to the kitchen to get some water. There, I found my ex-husband and his best friend, talking about me>>

<<By best friend you mean->>

<<The one and only Johnny Depp? Yes, the very one.

I heard him ask Marilyn what would have happened when I got pregnant>>

<<What… What did he say?>>

<<He laughed>> Wren commented morosely <<One of those nervous laughs you do when you’re at the doctor’s for a shot, or at the dentist’s and you see him take the fucking drill.

Then, he said that it would never happen>>

<<What?>>

<<Johnny reacted much the same way: he repeated his question, stating that it was only a matter of time before our continuous meetings in the bedroom- and other places>> She added for kicks, relishing in her interlocutor’s evident disgust <<would result in a baby- or babies, as was actually the case.

Again, my ex-husband laughed. This time, however, he said…>>

She trailed off, unable to force the words out of her mouth. Pat prodded

<<Said what?>>

<<That if I ever got knocked up, he would… Find a cure>>

Silence enveloped the room. Wren’s mind went to the two pests sleeping upstairs; the thought that they could have died before even taking their first breath hurt her immensely, and she praised the skies that things had gone differently. On the other hand, Pat was horrified

<<A… A cure? Does it mean what I think it->>

<<I think it does>>

<<Bloody hell>>  
<<Exactly. I was terrified, and I made a mistake: I should have talked it out with him. Instead, when I found out I was pregnant, I began to keep secrets from him, calling doctors right and left and even texting an old friend of mine, a doctor who’d helped me a lot when my parents sent me to the hospital>>

<<They what?>>

<<They were abusive, but that’s not the point.

What matters is… I began to act suspicious, and of course, what would any husband think if he saw his wife leave for who-knew-where at random hours without even telling him, texting someone and refusing to have sex?>>

The blond gulped

<<That she was cheating>>

Wren snorted, nodding

<<Bingo.

The horrible thing is that I never noticed how bad things got, how much pain I brought him; what kind of wife was I?>>

<<You were fighting for your children!>>

<<He would have never killed them, Pat>>

<<Then why did you->>

<<I panicked, I guess. That’s no excuse, but I was pregnant and scared.

That conversation did not help.

However, the man I fell in love with had a heart of gold under the crusty, tough exterior. He is one of a kind, and he was mine…

Fuck, I miss him>> The singer whined, hugging a pillow close to her body

<<Did he… Did he divorce you for that?>>

<<I think the guys convinced him I was cuckolding him. In fact, the night he kicked me out- yes he did Pat, but he was desperate and I understand where he was coming from- I found his band and Captain Sparrow all standing in the hall, waiting for me with snarls on their faces like the fucking Fight Club>>

She snorted uncouthly

<<Where was he?>>

<<In the kitchen, getting drunk like a skunk while he waited for me. When he saw me he threw the bottle at me; luckily he missed, but he shouted, saying that he wanted a divorce, and he wanted me out of _his_ house that instant.

I had no choice but to leave immediately>>

<<Wren...>>

<<After that, we went to court; his lawyer convinced the judge I owed his client some kind of compensation for reducing him to the catatonic state he was in -he was an empty husk of the man I’d married, and it was my fault. I’ll never forgive myself for that.

Anyhow, I had to give him my house.

I lost my job, and no one wanted to hire me because I was either tarnished by my involvement with the Antichrist or a bad person for hurting him that way. That, to sum up, this is how I ended up on the streets pregnant and alone, without even a dime; exactly how you found me>>

After a few moments of silence, her friend let out a deep breath

<<Damn, that’s some story… I’m so sorry you had to go through that>>

<<Think about him too, Pat: I betrayed his trust. He always told me I could tell him everything, and what did I do? I kept something from him; something big.

I did exactly what he asked- begged me not to do>>

<<Bloody hell, Wren, you barely had any choice! He basically called your children a disease!>>

<<I’m sure he was just scared. Perhaps if I had spoken to him, like I should have->>

<<What if he said he wanted you to get an abortion?>>

<<I wouldn’t have, but still… It would have been better than what happened; anything would have been better.

Besides, he loved me: he would have made sacrifices to make me happy too, I’m sure of that>>

<<Sacrifi- He should have sent praises to the sky that someone as wonderful as you was going to have his children! He should have been elated to become a father!>>

<<Not everyone is the same, dear. Anyway, I’m certain he would have been happy, he just needed to get used to the idea… But I ruined it, and now my children have no father; the man I love is broken, much like I am.

I caused a disaster>> She cried, burying her face in the cushion

<<Aw, Wren…>> The blond scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her, planting a kiss on her head <<Darling, it will be ok>>  
<<No, it won’t! What the hell am I doing, going on dates with him without even telling him who I really am? It’s horrible!>>

<<You’re in love; as simple as that>>

<<I’ll show you simple when he finds out and goes off the deep end>>

Pat simply pecked her cheek, hugging her even closer

<<C’mon now, my dear, we should go to sleep; it’s late, and you’re worn out. Just one last thing, Wren>>

<<Uh-uh?>>

<<You are an angel, darling, whoever you may be: you pulled me off the streets and basically gave me a life, a family, just because I let you grab a bite of my stale sandwich while we were homeless.

Not many people are like that.

Trust me, dear: everything will be ok; there may be bumps along the road, but that man loves you, and you love him.

You will be together, I just know. And then, maybe, Zoe and Caden will have some siblings…>>

Wren groaned, nestling in his arms as her eyelids drooped, making him chuckle. As he made himself comfortable on the couch trying not to wake the woman in his arms, he grinned some more

<<You are truly wonderful, Wren, and you deserve the best. If that fellow made you fall so deeply, then he must have quite a lot to recommend him…

It makes me think he deserves you.

I’ll help you in any way I can, I promise. Now, goodnight>>

That said, he fell asleep, hugging her tight.


	9. The Red Carpet Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's the ones that you love  
> The ones that love you  
> The ones that make you come  
> The ones that make you come unglued, yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions and thoughts of self-harm. The start and end will be signalled by a string of hashtags (#)
> 
> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

The next day, Wren arrived at the studio rather soon, and she found Wendy waiting for her with a latte

<<Hi>>

<<Good morning, Miss Cross! I brought you this>>

The singer chuckled, taking the cup from her

<<Thank you very much; let me pay you back>>

<<Oh no; no way. Besides, with the money you gave me last time, I owe you something like… Twenty lattes, at least>>

<<Dear, I didn’t give you that note for this>>

<<I know; I just wanted to do something nice for you, since you’ve been so kind to me>>  
That made Wren smile. The redhead giggled shyly, swinging back and forth on her feet

<<Do you have something else to tell me, Wendy?>>

Her green eyes widened

<<You remember my name>>

<<Of course I do; shouldn’t I?>>

<<Barely anyone does, to be honest>>

<<Well to hell with them>>

Finally, a laugh fell from the assistant’s lips

<<You’re funny too.

By the way, my brother is a huge fan of yours>>

  
The black-haired woman blinked in surprise: after almost seven years as a singer, she still had trouble believing anyone could like her music

<<That’s awesome; I’d like to meet him someday>>

Again, the girl was taken aback

<<Seriously?>>

<<Who did you work with before, young lady? They must have been a real scream>> The songwriter joked

<<Yeah. Well, he’s dropping by in the afternoon today>>

<<Marvellous! I feel bad for him for listening to my work, but it’s wonderful anyway>>

<<Your songs are beautiful, Miss Cross->>

<<Wren, please>>

<<Wren. You are a very talented artist, and apparently a very approachable person, something that can’t be said for the majority of celebrities out there>>

Wren scrunched up her nose

<<I would never want to be like that.

Anyhow, thank you for your compliments>>

<<Just being honest, Mi- Wren>>

That made the older woman chuckle

<<By the way, if your boss gives you trouble again, let me know; I’ll make sure to leave a warning, nicely of course… At first>>

Wendy cackled

<<Will do; thank you so much for being so kind>>

<<It’s called being a decent human, and it’s so sad that only a few people can do it, but you’re welcome. I look forward to meeting your brother>>

<<Not as much as he will, believe me!>>

That said, the redhead walked away to carry out other tasks, leaving Wren to sip her latte and smile to herself. Maybe she could get that girl to be her personal assistant.

She was so nice, and clever too…

<<Whatcha smiling about, doll?>>

That suave baritone made her jump, almost dropping her beverage

<<For fuck’s sake, Manson, you do not sneak up on people like that!>>

<<Aw, are we back to surnames?>>

<<We are when you do things like this>>

He chuckled and hugged her from behind, pecking her cheek

<<Sorry, doll>>

<<Mh… You make it very hard to stay mad at you>>

He spun her in his arms to look her in the eyes, smirking at her

<<It’s a gift>>

<<A curse, for me>>

Rolling his eyes, Marilyn brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face.

He’d never looked at her from so close, and he regretted not doing it sooner: she was beautiful.

As he let his eyes rove over her face, he found something that made his breath hitch: a scar, just below her bottom lip, down in the right corner. It was in the exact same spot…

The same spot as _hers_

_Relax, it’s just a coincidence: many people probably have similar marks_

_But this one is identical!_

_Are you saying you remember exactly how Astrid’s scar looks?_

Brian faltered

_I… I’m not really sure, to be honest_

_There you go. You’re just being paranoid_

_Damned crazy bitch: she fucked me up_

_You weren’t so sane to begin with_

_Fucking-_

<<Brian? Are you ok?>>

Her soft voice brought him back from his reverie, and he smiled at her

<<Yes, doll. Even more now that I have you here with me>>

She shoved him playfully, chuckling

<<Smooth>>

<<What did you expect?>>

<<Oh no, I don’t do expectations: it’s like signing up for disappointment>>

<<That’s deep>>

<<I can be, sometimes>>

His shark grin returned

<<I hope I’ll get to try it more often>>

That earned him a paper cup in the face; luckily, it was empty.

He simply laughed in response.

* * *

  
When they finally made it to the record studio, she found the rest of the band and Johnny sitting inside already

<<Good morning, ma’am>>

<<Hello… I would say people, but I have some doubts>>

Her words made them chortle.

Johnny grinned

<<Where did you leave the rascals today?>>

<<At home with Pat; I’ll probably have to pay the poor guy therapy by the time we are done with this song>>

<<Come on, they aren’t that bad!>>

Wren cocked defiantly an eyebrow, crossing her arms with a snort

<<I decided to take them to the zoo, one day. It was about two years ago.

My son decided it would be a good idea to climb over the fence and go mess with the gorillas>>

<<Holy sh->>

<<I had to jump in there and pull him out; luckily, the animals seemed to like me>> She glanced at Manson for a moment <<And I have not lost my touch apparently>>

Hoots of laughter followed her quip; the man in question flipped her off, and she giggled

<<As for Zoe, one time when she was four she tripped in a shop, and a woman mocked her; she turned around and went “Sorry, it’s been a while since I possessed a body”.

The lady was horrified>>

The hysterics rose, and she joined the merriment

<<They’re certainly a handful, but I wouldn’t have it any other way>>

Her affection shone clearly in her eyes, and in the soft curve of her lips.

Apprehension aside, Marilyn was captivated: she loved her children so much. They were her priority, her first thought at all times.

He’d rarely seen anything like that. To think that she was raising them alone…

_Stop imagining yourself as the hero who steps in and acts as a father to those two; you’d run for the hills at the first challenge_

_I wouldn’t_

_Wanna bet?  
_

_Sure_

<<Should we get to work on our song? I feel inspired today>>

<<Might be the wonderful date you had yesterday, doll>>

She humphed and spun to look at him

<<Yeah, just before you came to pick me up>>

  
That retort left him gaping, while his companions proceeded to prepare their equipment among chuckles. Wren strutted to the table, picking up the stash of paper with scribbles all over

_Damn, she’s sassy_

_You better not let her go, you moron_

_Fuck off_

* * *

Hours later, they had revised and corrected the parts that Marilyn and Wren had written during the last days.

It was still just a draft, but it was shaping up to be a very beautiful piece

**_[Wren]_ **

**_I can't take what you're doin’ to me!_ **

**_I can't take it! (What it is you do to me)_ **

**_I can't take what you're doin’ to me!_ **

**_I can't take it!_ **

It was as if they were trying to warn the other to run for the hills while they still could, even though they both wanted to see each other badly.

**_[Hook: Marilyn & Wren]_ **

**_No matter what I say or what I do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I’m turning away now before we begin_ **

**_And no matter what you say or what you do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I’m turning away now_ **

**_I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_I'm dangerous for you_ **

Wren was scared, terribly so.

After getting even a small taste of the pain she’d inflicted on the man who meant more to her than anyone in the world, she wanted to push him away for his own safety.

She was persuaded she would only end up wounding him more, and she knew firsthand how prone he was to rash, dramatic decisions…

Just the thought of losing him made her want to cry.

It was twisted, sick and selfish, but she only wanted to be loved by him, even if for just a little more. The threat of the imminent explosion did not deter her, but the last thing she wanted was to bring him further suffering…

It was too late to back out though, but for him, she would find a way to pull through.

Even if it cost her the last, ever-shrinking bit of sanity she had left

**_Wren: I’m dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: I’m dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I’m dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: I’m dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I’m dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: I’m dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I’m dangerous, I'm dangerous for you!_ **

Marilyn felt like he was playing a huge, risky gamble. On one side there were all his failed relationships, Astrid above all, the sorest and fresh wound. On the other there was Wren, a sweet and beautiful woman who seemed to be just as broken as he was.

He’d long lost faith in the possibility of two shattered souls mending each other, but she was making him rethink his stance…

And that frightened him.

His heart was held together by sheer desperation; one more cut, one more breakup, and all would be lost.

He did not know what he would do if- when- if-

In that case.

He kept telling himself that he’d cross the bridge if he got there, but it became more and more a “when” he got there as he felt the path beneath his feet being dangerously close to crumbling

**_Marilyn: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

**_Wren: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

**_Marilyn: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

**_Marilyn & Wren: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

That was the only certainty they were able to give.

The song ended with a soft, melancholic note, leaving both of them silent and breathless.

Johnny clapped

<<That was amazing; both of you were>>

Silently praising the distraction, the male and female singers smiled at him

<<Thank you, Johnny>>

<<The emotion was incredibly raw; I could feel it>>

<<Yeah, it’s like you were speaking from experience>>

At that Wren faltered, her smile becoming forced

<<I guess failed relationships are the best source of inspiration to write lyrics, unfortunately>>

<<So you’re thinking about your ex-husband?>> Marilyn asked her, a hint of anger colouring his words.

Knowing him like she did, Wren -Astrid- noticed it, but chose to tell the truth anyway

<<I’m _always_ thinking about him>>

<< _Always_?>> The tension was rising.

The woman shrugged

<<Could you honestly say that you were not thinking of your ex-wife while writing those lines?>>

Silence fell on the whole room as the other men sucked in an unnerved breath: it was never a good idea to ask Brian about Astrid.

Never.

As much as he seemed to adore Wren, the divorce was too fresh a wound for him to be willing to share anything about it…

Their expectations were met when he bristled and hissed in response

<<It’s not something I like talking about>>

The shorter lyricist shrugged, moving to put the guitar down and then walk out of the room. She looked incredibly unperturbed, uncaring even…

That was as far from the truth as it could get.

As soon as she was out the door and into the bathroom, Wren began to cry, hugging herself as she tried to keep her sobs as soft as possible

_He hates me. He despises every memory that involves me_

_Can you blame him?_

_I know I hurt him, but I was trying to protect my children!  
  
Are they only your children? Or his as well? Oh wait, he doesn’t know about them, because you kept it from him_

_I had to_

_Really? Is this how much trust you had in your beloved husband?_

_I-_

_You ruined three lives besides yours with your assumptions, you fool. Learn from your mistakes_

_I never wanted to hurt him…_

_Tough luck; you did_

That made her cry more.

#####################################################################

She fumbled with the leather bracelets around her wrists, pulling the strings loose. When she did, years of abuse on the skin shone ominously in the neon light; some were white and faded, others were pinkish and stood out against her tan complexion, but they all told the same story: she felt unworthy, she felt like a monster who’d caused the man she loved to feel so devastated that he’d relapsed and almost reached the point of no return. Thankfully, his friends were there for him.

For her, Zoe and Caden had been the only beacons of light ever since her former spouse had thrown her out- no, even earlier; ever since she’d eavesdropped on that damned conversation years ago.

Her fingers skimmed over every single mark, and she felt the all-too-familiar need to inflict more pain on herself.

It didn’t come as a surprise that she was doing this because of him.

Not because of her parents’ abuse nor after losing her grandparents, the only real family she ever had before getting married. Not even for other problems that had messed up her life, and still did.

It was all because of _him_.

The man whom all her songs spoke of, who haunted her dreams -nightmares- and still made her heart flutter with just a glance.

Instead, he hated her. As far as she could tell, he hated Wren too, but only because he was afraid of opening up again.

Unfortunately -or fortunately, it depends on the perspective- for her, there were no blades available at the moment and she couldn’t allow herself to self-harm while in the studio.

What would happen if the manager and the interns saw her?  
If the band and Johnny saw her?  
Worst of all, if her ex-husband noticed?

It was already weird enough that he had not looked up her divorce the first time she told him about it. She had never told anyone about it, making sure that her real identity was kept secret from everyone, but she knew that the closer they got, the higher the probability of having to tell him would get.

At least she could play the card he’d used earlier

#####################################################################

“It’s not something I like talking about”

She would probably be using that phrase a lot.

* * *

When she walked out of the toilet, having fixed her bracelets and a fake smile on her lips, she bumped into Wendy who greeted her cheerfully

<<Hi Wren. My brother is here, if you can see him>>

<<Sure. Where is he?>>

* * *

In the meantime, Marilyn was pacing back and forth in the studio, simmering with rage.

Exactly who that rage was directed to he did not know, though he had a pretty good idea

<<Pal, why did you treat her so harshly?>> Johnny interrogated, appearing beside the rockstar

<<I didn’t mean to, but she brought up the- Astrid>>

Everyone did a double-take: it was a very rare occurrence for Brian to utter that name; he avoided it like the plague

<<Mare, you can’t get mad at other people for talking about it.  
Does Wren bite your head off when you mention her husband?>> Twiggy rebuked softly, smiling in sympathy while he tried to restrain the sudden wave of anger that overcame him.

Astrid had done a number on the singer, possibly ruining him permanently for his future relationships after the brunette. Marilyn had loved her so dearly, even after all the heartbreak he’d endured, and she stabbed him in the back.

The guitarist really wanted to like Wren, but those memories soured his own disposition too…

<<No. She just… She cries>>

<<She has no fault for what the bitch did to you, B. Don’t take it out on her>> Another member of his band commented, trying to stifle his hatred for the brunette like the dreadlocked musician.

The tall artist sighed

<<Fine, I’ll go apologise>>

With that, he walked out.

The rest of the group shared a meaningful look: they had to keep an eye on Wren, make sure she would not hurt what was left of Manson.

That was enough to make them scamper to their feet and go after their boss, trying to be as quiet as possible.

* * *

<<It’s an honour to meet you, Miss Cross>> Wendy’s brother beamed, offering her his hand to shake.

He was a good-looking guy, very tall with defined muscles, blue eyes and blond hair, not to mention the impressive cheekbones and dazzling smile.

To Wren, however, he looked entirely plain.

There was someone else on her mind, and no other guy would change that

<<Right back to you…>>

<<James, my name is James. Do you mind if we take a picture together?>>

<<No, go on>>  
To be honest she hated the idea; pics were her least favourite thing in the world. However, she did not want to disappoint a fan, and she knew it was part of the deal, so she swallowed the toad and smiled with him.

Once Wendy snapped the pic, he looked at her again

<<You are even more beautiful in person>>

Her mind reeled

_He’s flirting with me_

<<Thank you>>

_Make him back off, you’re with Marilyn!  
  
Was with Marilyn, unfortunately_

_You fucking went on a fucking date with him yesterday, and he’s going to ask you outagain soon-_

_Is he now?_

_Yes, so tell Prince Charming here to take a hike_

_Alright, here it goes_

<<You know, I was wondering if we cou->>

<<There you are, doll>> A deep, husky voice announced the performer’s entrance; he strode up to her with determination written all over his face but, before she could ask him what was happening, he’d wrapped her in his arms.

Next thing she knew, he was kissing her like his life depended on it.

Wren was frozen on the spot, all cerebral activity on standby.

There was only one thought going through her mind on repeat

_He’s kissing me. Holy shit, he’s kissing me_

When he finally let her go she stared at him for a while, eyes wide and mouth agape; he, on the other hand, smiled at her.

After a few moments, Marilyn turned to look at the siblings who stood there awkwardly

<<Oh, I seem to have interrupted something>>

<<Not at all, Mister Manson>> Reassured the redhead, though she looked lost. Her brother was even more disconcerted, evidently not expecting what had just unfurled.

Wren herself was thoroughly confused

_Why the hell did he kiss me in front of them?  
_

_Perhaps he was jealous_

_Oh please_

_Shut up, you have been married to the man: don’t you remember how possessive he can be?_

That thought made the young singer pause

_Now that you mention it… This means he actually likes me_

_You?_

_Fuck off_

_Fine_

_Paps are gonna have a field day with this_

In the meantime, the taller man was doing his best to stop an arrogant smirk from curving his lips upward

_What the fuck did you just do?!_

_It felt good_

_You fool! Don’t you realise you’re gonna be all over the tabloids if this story leaks out?!  
  
_ The black-haired performed stalled for a moment, but just one

_I don’t care_

_You should_

_Leave me alone_

<<We didn’t know you were together>> Wendy murmured, still looking surprised. Before Marilyn could intervene, Wren cut him off

<<We aren’t; Manson here just likes to be overly affectionate, you know>> She chuckled, striving to sound as spontaneous as possible

On the other hand, the man standing by her side was hurt

_Stop whining, she did the sensible thing_

_But I thought-_

_Shut up. Just play along for now_

_Fine_

<<Don’t act like you don’t love it, doll>> He joked.

The black-haired woman giggled, effectively surprised by his sudden change, but she went with it

<<Sure, whatever you think>>

James chose that moment to go back to what he had been trying to do before the taller man showed up

<<I… I wanted to ask if->>

By the same token, Wren’s mobile chose that very same moment to ring. She smiled apologetically and pulled it out of her pocket; when she saw the caller’s ID, she excused herself to answer and walked a few steps away

<<Hello?>>

<<Mommy!>>

The grin that stretched on her face was one of the brightest he’d ever witnessed

<<Hello, sweetheart>>

The rocker chuckled.

He had liked those kids from the beginning, but that small coincidence made him like them even more: it was obvious that the frat boy wanted to ask her out. Just the thought made him growl under his breath.

Luckily, the pests’ intervention had saved both him and their mother from a very embarrassing situation.

In fact, catching on, the other guy simply waved at the young musician and walked away as she waved back, beaming as she spoke on the phone. Wendy bid both of them goodbye too and accompanied her brother out, seemingly not catching on to neither Wren’s embarrassment nor Marilyn’s jealousy.

Once everything was fine, the performer joined his colleague in the corner

<<We’re having so much fun, mommy!>>

<<We made uncle Pat dress as a girl!>>

Two shrill voices squealed through the speaker, making the woman wince and the man fight to hold back a grin- with scarce results

<<What?>>

<<Wren>> A deeper voice called, surely belonging to her blond friend <<Don’t worry, I’m fi->>

<<I’m not worried. I was going to ask for pictures!>>

A horrified gasp resounded just before the children’s laughter

<<You are a despicable woman>> Pat groused

<<Aw, don’t be a wuss; they’re having fun!>>

<<Well I am currently touring your house in high heels! How the hell do you do this?>>

That was too much for the young woman. Overcome with hysterics, she leaned against the wall and held her sides as she shook with peal after peal of laughter, tears streaming from her eyes.

Manson was not faring much better either; he was cachinnating out loud at the thought of the rather buff man sporting stilettos, a dress and a wig

<<Those pests of yours are very persuasive, doll>>

<<Oh, I know; I saw you carrying them on your shoulder>>

He pursed his lips

<<That’s different>>

<<Pshaw. Both Zoe and Caden would have you in a pink tutu in mere seconds and you know it>>

He recoiled in horror, bringing a hand to his chest

<<Now that’s a rather disturbing image…>> She commented

<<Hey!>>

<<Wren? Who’s there with you?>> The blond called again

<<It’s the one and only Pale Emperor>>

<<Who?>>  
<<Manson>>

No sooner had she said that name than both Zoe and Caden started shrieking and, from what they could assume by the sounds they heard, jumping up and down around the room, no matter how Pat tried to rein them in

<<Mason! MASON!>>

It got to the point where she had to move her mobile away, turning toward him to notice the rather smug look on his face

<<Your children love me>>

<<Shut up>>

In reality Wren was staggered, both by the twins’ reaction and his. They liked him indeed, and it seemed he had an interest in them as well.

The knowledge sliced through her heart like a dagger, bringing along a ravenous guilt that almost wiped the smile off her face, if not for her acting efforts

_He loves them._

_He loves them already, and they love him back_

She could see just how true that was in her ex-husband’s smile as he took the phone from her and spoke to the kids

<<Hello there, munchkins. How are ya?>>

<<Good, Mista Mason! And you?>>

<<I’m doing well, thank you>> He laughed, shaking his head amusedly as he heard their babysitter try to calm them down and fail miserably.

Wren shivered

_I’m a monster_

All of a sudden, like a tidal wave crashing on rocks, all the insults he had spouted on her came back with a vengeance, followed by the band’s slights, Johnny’s slanders…

The worst thing was that she felt she deserved them all.

While she did not actually cheat on him, she betrayed his trust. And for what?  
While he was not the most cuddly and paternal man out there, he’d proved time and time again that he cared for his family in his own, peculiar way.

For heaven’s sake, she came from an abusive, unloving family: how could she not tell the difference?

The meaning behind the horrible words he’d said during that damned conversation with Johnny in the kitchen was still unknown to her, but she found it more and more improbable that he had actually meant abortion when he spoke of a cure.  
What was it, then?

Whatever it may be, she felt terrible. Guilt was eating her alive.

Finally, she was pulled out of her reverie when Marilyn handed her the phone

<<Pat?>>

<<Mommy, it’s Zoe>>

<<Oh hey, darling. Did you want to tell me something?>>

<<I wanted to give you a kiss>>

<<Aw, thank you my dear; I’m sending back an even bigger one, got it?>>

<<Mine is bigger>>

<<No, mine is>>

<<Mine!>>

Wren cackled, ultimately deciding to surrender

<<Alright, I yield. Give Caden a kiss for me>>

<<Ok>>

Immediately after, they heard the little girl’s silver voice sweetly tell her brother to sod off.

That was how the call ended, and the two adults found themselves laughing more

<<They are hilarious>>

<<Indeed>>  
<<I never met kids like them, to tell the truth>>

Another pang of guilt hit her, but she managed to keep her countenance

<<I may be partial, but I don’t think there are kids like them>>

He gave her a lopsided grin before offering her his arm

<<Well, after this delightful break, I think we can get back to the song>>

<<Sure, but I’m hungry>>

<<What would you like to eat?>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured in this chapter is "The promise" by In This Moment featuring Adrian Patrick.  
> Even though in my story the main female character is shown to be the author and voice of their songs it is solely for the purpose of writing; I am in no way making claims on their art, and I will always acknowledge them in the endnotes.


	10. Fated, Faithful, Fatal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling stoned and alone like a heretic  
> And I'm ready to meet my maker  
> I'm feeling stoned and alone like a heretic  
> I'm ready to meet my maker
> 
> Lazarus got no dirt on me  
> Lazarus got no dirt on me  
> And I'll rise to every occasion  
> I'm the Mephistopheles of Los Angeles  
> Of Los Angeles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

That question led to what Brian defined their second date, which turned into a third, a fourth, a fifth…

It went on like that for about two weeks, during which they flirted and designed the lyrics for their new hit.

The issue of their kiss in front of an audience, small as it may have been, was solved during their date when she told him that it would be better to proceed with caution, and he had to agree. He didn’t say that the bloke’s presence roused the jealousy in him, but Wren knew it already; she did not turn it against him though, and he appreciated it.

It was evident in the numerous kisses they exchanged, during dates and recording sessions. Marilyn took care to engage in PDA when only his band and his best friend were present, but Wren was still tense around him; the other musicians told him she was just hesitant because of the divorce, and because she thought of how a new relationship probably worried her, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something more afoot…

Something that Wren would never tell him.

Well, he was going to find out, one way or another; after Astrid, he was done with secrets

**_[Wren]_ **

**_It's haunting_ **

**_This hold that you have over me_ **

**_I grow so weak_ **

**_[Marilyn]_ **

**_I see you_ **

**_And everything around you fades_ **

**_And I can't speak_ **

**_But you can never know what it is you do to me_ **

**_[Wren]_ **

**_I can't take what you're doin' to me!_ **

**_I can't take it! (What it is you do to me)_ **

**_I can't take what you're doin' to me!_ **

**_I can't take it!_ **

**_[Hook: Marilyn & Wren]_ **

**_No matter what I say or what I do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I'm turning away now before we begin_ **

**_And no matter what you say or what you do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I'm turning away now_ **

**_I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_[Marilyn]_ **

**_You touch me_ **

**_And I can barely make a move_ **

**_And I can't breathe_ **

**_(I can't breathe)_ **

**_[Wren]_ **

**_You can never know what it is you do to me_ **

**_[Marilyn]_ **

**_I can't take what you're doin' to me!_ **

**_I can't take it! (What it is you do to me)_ **

**_I can't take what you're doin' to me!_ **

**_I can't take it!_ **

**_[Hook: Marilyn & Wren]_ **

**_No matter what I say or what I do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I'm turning away now before we begin_ **

**_And no matter what you say or what you do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I'm turning away now_ **

**_I'm dangerous_ **

**_Wren: The only promise I could make you_ **

**_Marilyn: Is that my promise is a lie!_ **

**_Wren: The only promise I could make you!_ **

**_Marilyn: Is that my promise is a lie!_ **

**_[Hook: Marilyn & Wren]_ **

**_No matter what I say or what I do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I'm turning away now before we begin_ **

**_And no matter what you say or what you do_ **

**_I know how this will end_ **

**_So I'm turning away now_ **

**_I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I'm dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I'm dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I'm dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: I'm dangerous for you_ **

**_Wren: I'm dangerous, I'm dangerous for you!_ **

**_Marilyn: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

**_Wren: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

**_Marilyn: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

**_Marilyn & Wren: My promise is I will hurt you_ **

_We could have used these as wedding vows. Who knew they would fit so well…_

_You fucking kept that promise, didn’t you, Astrid?_

Clapping resounded in the recording room, effectively pulling both singers out of their sombre musings

<<It’s amazing! Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!>>

<<Thank you, pal>> Marilyn thanked Johnny. Wren gave the actor a smile

<<Thank you, Mr D- Johnny>>

Damn, after enduring almost a month in his presence she still couldn’t bring herself to call him by his name. It was bad enough with Brian already…

<<Well, I think this calls for a celebration, doesn’t it?>>

<<Abso-Goddamn-Motherfuckin-Lutely>> Wren joked, earning herself amused chuckles from the band; her new flame -if he could be called that- pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her cheek

<<Nice pun>>

<<Thank you>>

<<Hey, lovebirds, stop sucking faces>> Pogo rebuked

<<We need to decide where to go>> Twiggy added.

Manson flipped them off, but his new flame -again, if she could be called that- gave them a shark-like grin, eyes twinkling with mischief

<<Have you guys been banished from the McDonald’s close by?>>

The manic laughter erupting from the mohawk-sporting man forebode trouble, and they loved it.

* * *

Wren was sprawled in her seat, laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes as she admired Pogo’s antics in the fast-food while munching on her second cheeseburger. The staff’s expressions verged on violated, and it was hilarious.

Beside her, Marilyn chuckled while he watched her with surprise and satisfaction.

The younger singer noticed it

<<Why are you staring at me like that?>>

<<I didn’t expect you to find it funny>>

<<Oh? Did you think I would go into mom-mode and scold him?>>

The rocker cackled

<<Kinda, yeah>>

She snorted, showing just what she thought of that idea

<<Please; I’m even more insane than he is>>

<<I doubt that>>  
Twiggy commented form the opposite side next to her, keeping an eye on his bandmate as he pestered one of the waitresses. He was unaware that he’d just set off a timebomb.

Wren had never been able to resist a challenge; she had the impelling need to prove herself right every damn time. Naturally, she took him up on his statement

<<Doll, where are you going?>> Marilyn asked her when she stood up, but got no answer. She simply grabbed the ketchup bottle and poured a handful of it on her shirt, then some on her fingers.

Then, she began to stagger unsteadily toward a couple’s table a few feet away, playing the part of a wounded woman to perfection. When she reached her target she fell to her knees, clutching her stomach as she took panting breaths

<<So this… This is where my- my liver ended…>>

Both the guy and his girlfriend looked at her in horror; she simply carried on with her charade, moaning in pain as she reached for the table and slumped over

<<They… They used it to… Ma- make b- burgers…

The meat was o- over…>>

While she slurred those words, she removed one of her hands from her fake wound, showing the red-stained fingers.

It was enough to make the blonde feel sick. She jumped to her feet, holdinga hand to her mouth, and ran to the bathroom, rapidly followed by her date who shot one last, scandalised look at Wren before darting after her.

As soon as the thud of a door closing resounded the singer stood up again, taking off her soiled top and cleaning her fingers with it; luckily, she had another shirt underneath. When she was back in her seat, the black-haired musician examined each band member’s reaction, and Johnny’s: some were confused, some disconcerted, some amused.

In the end, everyone burst into laughter

<<That was amazing, doll!>>  
<<Thank you, I did my best>>

Marilyn shook his head, reaching out to pull her close to him

<<Mare, I’m covered in ketchup>>  
He smirked, opening his mouth to retort, but she beat him to it

<<No, I wouldn’t want to be covered in something else, thank you very much; I’m just warning you so you don’t get sauce all over your shirt>>

The rocker heard his best friend and the rest of the band laugh at her spunk; his grin widened even more

<<You are too cheeky, doll>>

<<You act like a dog, I’m going to treat you like a dog>>

<<Me, a dog?>> He scoffed

<<More like _horndog_ >>

<<Now to that, I can relate.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you you can have my jacket>>

<<Thank you, but there’s no need: I’ll just pop in a shop and buy a shirt>>

If possible, his expression turned even more fiendish

<<Oh, doll, I know just the place>>

* * *

<<No way>>  
<<Come on>>

<<I an NOT wearing that>>

<<Yes you are>>

<<Or what?>>

<<I’ll draw the curtains open and the entire shop will see you>>

<<Fine with me; I posed in the nude for an album>>

A growl that was really just a muttered curse reverberated from the zone of the changing rooms in the small, band merchandise shop; it was followed by a female laugh

<<Come on, doll… Try it on>>

<<You really want your face on my boobs, don’t you?>>

The laughter that resounded that time was definitely masculine, raspy and deeper.

The woman sighed

<<Fine, hand it over>>

Chuckling, he moved the drapes a little more than enough to give her the t-shirt, and froze at the sight in front of him. Wren was standing there in nothing but a black, lacy bra that left little to the imagination.

He unabashedly let his gaze rove over her figure, taking in her olive skin, the round curve of her breasts and the tattoos that covered her upper body; they were beautiful, very artistic.

The first one that caught his eye was a dark scribble under the left collarbone, and he noticed upon closer inspection that it consisted of her children’s names. Her right arm bicep was decorated with a ring of skulls, and there was a guitar on her hand. He was surprised to find very familiar lyrics etched on her shoulder:

**_Love is fated, fateful and fatal_ **

It sounded good.

What he noticed next was the black rose on the inside of her elbow and the cobweb over her ribcage; the spider dangling from it was a nice touch. However, what struck him the most were the two beautiful, ethereal flowers that stood out against the skin of her back, but he couldn’t admire them for long because she caught him staring

<<Marilyn, you pervert!>>

<<Didn’t you say you posed nude?>>

<<Yeah, for an album, not for a porno movie!>>

<<Mh… I would have enjoyed that>>

That earned him a swat in the chest

<<Just give me the damn t-shirt and get it over with, you moron>>

<<Truth be told, my dear… I like seeing you like this>> He purred, aiming to embarrass her.

He did not expect what happened next though.

With a sultry grin, the younger singer slid the garment on and slipped her fingers through his belt loops, pulling him closer; his breath hitched, and he simply complied

<<Doll…>>

<<Yes, darling?>>

She was deftly undoing his belt buckle.

The proof of how much she was getting to him was stretching the front of his pants, speaking for him; she chuckled, looking him in the eyes

<<…>>

Quicker than he could have ever expected, the woman tugged the leather away from his hips and walked out of the changing room, while he held his trousers up with one hand and the curtain with the other

<<Wren!>>

<<Yes, dear?>>

<<Give me my belt back>>

<<Mh… How about no?>>

<<I need it!>>

<<An eye for an eye, Mr Manson>> She singsonged, donning the accessory herself.

The rocker growled

<<If your pants are too loose, I’ll go get you another pair. Hold on>>

He should have known there was a catch simply from the tone of her voice.

* * *

Hoots of laughter greeted the couple when they reunited with the group

<<Mare, mate… What the hell are you wearing?>>

Somehow she’d made him don a tracksuit with cat-tacos printed on auniverse-themed background

<<Aw, I thought you liked cats>>

The musician cringed, glaring at his female companion

<<Someone stole my belt, and I had to change>>

<<Wren, why do you have a Marilyn Manson t-shirt?>>

Before she could respond, the ridiculously-dressed male by her side enveloped her in his arms, growling

<<So everyone knows she’s mine>>

The woman could not suppress a shiver, and he noticed; the sight of her goosebumps made him smirk.

He was glad that he affected her as much as she did him.

* * *

<<Mista Mason! Mista Mason!>>

Two shrill, infantile voices greeted the newcomer; Caden and Zoe were jumping around, evidently happy that he was there

<<Hey there, squirts. How are you?>>

Both twins were staring at him with sweet smiles and sparkly eyes. It warmed his heart: they were truly adorable, despite their deviousness.

Also for that, actually

<<We’re ok>>

<<We were painting!>>

That caught his interest

<<Really?>>

<<Yes! Mommy made us a room where we can draw on the wall>>

<<That sounds awesome>>

<<We show you! Folo me!>>  
<<No, me!>>

<<Me!>>

<<Guys->> He interjected, taking both the little girl’s and the little boy’s hand in his <<we’ll walk together, ok?>>

Once more, the way they beamed at him flattered him; it was a welcome change from the many children he’d seen cry at the mere sight of him. Besides, they weren’t half bad.

He actually enjoyed their company, and that was rather unusual for him.

When they reached the room the twins wanted to show him, they opened the door with such proud faces that he couldn’t help but chuckle. Yet, as soon as he took in the scenery, his grin turned into a slack jaw.

The lowest part of the wall were covered in scribbles, colourful handprints and- were those footprints? Full-body splotches?

He could imagine their mother’s desperation upon seeing them completely covered in paint.

What really surprised him though were the sketches just above the twins’ handiwork. One of theme represented an elegant black and red butterfly; the wings were diaphanous, decorated with intricate patterns. It was actually flying.

The opposite side displayed raging flames that reached the ceiling, where eye-catching swirls formed something that looked like a nebula.

It reminded him of the horrible trousers she’d forced on him.

Next, he saw a pair of spread wings, one black and the other white; they looked incredibly realistic.

Finally, he turned to admire a rampant black wolf; its eyes were yellow and enthralling, while its fangs were as white as the moon that peeked in from the corner.

All in all, it was amazing. Was Wren the author of those wonderful artworks? He’d have to ask her

<<Zoe, Caden, are you in here?>> Her voice announced the woman in question, who walked in the room looking for her children.

The smile that spread on her face when she saw them was sickeningly sweet; he’d never seen anything like that

<<Hi, mommy>>

<<Hi mommy>>

<<Hello, darlings. What are you up to now?>>

<<They were showing me this place, doll>> He intervened. She jumped when she heard him speak, but gave him that same smile, getting one from him in return

<<Hello, Mr Superstar. Fancy seeing you here>>

<<Your friend Pat let me in while he was going out>>

<<He went to get some groceries, and a truckload of paint because the twins of evil never seem to have enough>> She teased, cackling while the little ones clapped their hands

<<We love it, mommy!>>

<<Yes, I can see that>>

<<Can you paint with us, mommy?>>

<<Darling, let’s see why Mr Manson came to visit us first>>

<<Oh for crying out loud, you stubborn woman>> The taller singer groaned, especially when he saw her smirk <<I told you to call me Brian>>

<<Mh… You _asked_ me, yes, but did I say anything about following through with it?>>

He growled

<<Anyhow, _Mr Manson_ >> She drew out the vowels, making him grunt <<To what do we owe the pleasure?>>

<<I came to tell you that the guys wanted to go out tonight, to celebrate. Would you like to join us?>>

A soft blush coloured her cheeks, and her smile lost its ironic edge in favour of shyness

<<I’d love to>>

<<Good. I’ll pick you up later then, ok?>>

Wren took a look around, biting her lip, then glanced at Zoe and Caden, who were by then hands-deep in varnish already, throwing glances at both adults. She would have laughed at their ridiculous attempt at being subtle if she had not been so preoccupied with the other side of the medal.

They wanted him to stay. They wanted him to stay and paint with them.

She was fond of the idea herself, but… How would he take it?  
Would it seem weird? Sure, they were dating, but she was still on tenterhooks when it came to her babies’ relation with him.

However, if the past had taught her a lesson, was to never make assumptions about her husb- boyfr- whatever.

Brian. Never make assumptions about Brian.

Thus, she decided it was worth a try

<<Why don’t you just stay here until it’s time to go?>>

Her children’s squeals and Marilyn’s surprised expression told her she was doing the right thing

<<Sure, why not? Thank you>>

The young singer felt her cheeks flare, smiling in spite of herself

<<On one condition though>>

<<Shoot>> He challenged with curiosity

<<You join me and the twins of evil on a painting spree>>

He grinned

<<Agreed>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured in this chapter is "The promise" by In This Moment featuring Adrian Patrick.  
> Even though in my story the main female character is shown to be the author and voice of their songs it is solely for the purpose of writing; I am in no way making claims on their art, and I will always acknowledge them in the endnotes.
> 
> These are the trousers I imagined Wren buying for Marilyn: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FGalaxy-Space-Kitten-Streetwear-Summer%2Fdp%2FB07MNKGKZ2&psig=AOvVaw1Fb2CvuFCkN0SGgPfxxWkj&ust=1614193558073000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCLDEot_ZgO8CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAO.
> 
> I saw them, and I knew I just HAD TO include them in this story. What do you guys think of them?


	11. The Speed Of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you want it, it goes away too fast  
> Times you hate it, it always seems to last  
> Just remember, when you think you're free  
> The crack inside your fucking heart is me
> 
> I wanna outrace the speed of pain  
> For another day  
> I wanna outrace the speed of pain  
> For another day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depictions of self-harm. The start and end will be signalled by a string of hashtags (#)
> 
> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

Pat came back about an hour later. He could hear laughter from the gate as he parked the car. Filled with curiosity, he opened the main door and walked inside, following the sound.

He recognised Wren’s chuckles and, of course, the joyous shrieks of the twins, but there was something else, something he just couldn’t pinpoint; it was a deep, full baritone. He could have sworn he’d heard it somewhere before…

When he opened the door to the painting room, he felt his jaw slacken.

Marilyn was there.

And he was laughing hysterically.

Wren, covered in rainbow stains, was trying to shield her face from her ex-husband-now-boyfriend- or whatever he was, while he brandished a brush dripping with bright fuchsia dye. The blond could see hundreds of smears on the other singer’s clothes too; in particular, he sported a massive bright pink smudge that went from his nose to his chin.

As for the twins… Zoe’s entire face was orange, while Caden’s was green.

The scene was so absurd that he could only stand there gaping.

He’d never seen his best friend like that: in all the months they’d spent together on the streets she’d been extremely shy, most probably traumatised by a divorce he’d barely even begun to understand how harsh had been. Even with his limited knowledge he could tell that a light had been doused in her, and she was no longer the same. That was what she meant when she told him Astrid no longer existed.

And yet there she was, joking and playing with him like nothing had ever gone wrong between them, with the twins shouting excitedly in the background.

They had taken to him so naturally… And he seemed to be fond of them too.

As for the mother…

No matter how much their separation had broken her, and he could see it in her eyes every time he looked at her, Wren had let Marilyn in her life again without even trying to put up resistance. While she did not encourage his attentions, she seemed powerless to stop them, and she luxuriated in the newfound affection, even if she struggled with the guilt of keeping her true identity a secret from him.

Was that what addiction was like? He’d say so.

Was this a healthy relationship? Not really, no. It couldn’t be, not with the misunderstandings and trust issues that had already led them astray once.  
However, their chemistry was palpable, and he’d never seen his friend so happy. The shock rocker seemed delighted too.

Therefore, he decided that he would tamper with their relationship, but only to lead them on the right path

<<Oh, Pat! Welcome back>> The woman greeted him, making the rest of the gang turn toward him. The poor man simply stared at them in awe

<<You look like you’re having fun>>  
<<Oh, we are>>  
Hearing her say that, both Marilyn and Pat smiled

<<I bought everything you asked, and I was about to go put it away>>

<<I’ll help yo->>

<<No way: I’m a guest here, it’s the least I could do. Besides, you’d get paint everywhere>>

<<Uh, I had not thought of that>>

<<S’okay. Go get a shower, and give the twins a bath; I’ll get started on dinner>>

<<I’ll be taking this wonder on a date tonight>> The rocker informed his alleged rival, making the woman blush.

While Wren was blissfully ignorant -though Pat suspected it was only due to her inability to accept that someone found her desirable, especially her ex-husband- of the situation, the slightly shorter man sensed the jealousy radiating from the other male a mile away.

It was absolutely ridiculous. Sure, he lived with Wren and was raising her kids alongside her, but there was nothing going on; nothing at all.

He hoped it would not weigh down negatively on Marilyn’s trust in Wren.

He smiled

<<Alright, I’ll mind the pests tonight>>

<<Are you sure? I can try to find a babysitter if you->>

<<Dear, it’s ok. Go out and have fun, alright? Zoe and Caden will be ok with me>>

The black-haired musician grinned and stepped toward him, pulling him in a hug

<<Wren, dammit, you are covered in varnish!>>

<<Why’d I hug you if not to stain your immaculate outfit?>>  
He glared at her while Manson chuckled

<<I hate you>>

<<I hate you too>>

Obviously, the poor man’s shirt looked like an impressionist masterpiece when they pulled away

<<You wicked woman>>

<<Aw, come on: I have to wash all our clothes, so why not?>>

<<Go take a shower>> He suggested, spinning on his heels to walk away.

Wren turned to the other performer, smiling shyly

<<You can use one of the bathrooms while I deal with the demons>>

<<Doll, the paint will dry>>

<<It’s fine, I know what I’m doing. Third door on the left, upstairs>>

<<Do you have anything I can wear?>>

<<Uh, yeah I think so… But it would be a good idea if one of your guys dropped by with a change of clothes for you>>

<<I’ll send them a text. See you later>>

<<Bye>>

He watched her rally her children, the two devils putting up a fight at the mere mention of the word “bath”. Truth be told, he was slightly scared of the intensity of his feelings for that woman, and even more of the rapidity with which they’d developed but, most of all, he couldn’t shake off the sensation that he knew her already from somewhere…

How frustrating it was to have absolutely no explanation for that.

He had admitted to himself already, but only to himself, that this magnetic pull or something was part of the reason he told his manager to contact her. Sure, she was talented, beautiful and smart, but he wanted to get to the bottom of that strange mystery. However, he had no idea how to go about it.

As he turned on the shower, checking the temperature of the water and piling some towels on a stool beside the tub, Marilyn reproached himself for not finding the courage to talk to her about it. It was not the first time he felt like that.

Actually, the more he got to know her the more he fell for her, but that weird voice nagging at the back of his head grew louder as well.

If there was anything his gory divorce had taught him, it was not to let such things fester. Problem was, the scale was not tipped in favour of any side, because the fear of unpleasant discoveries and getting hurt again loomed over him like an ominous presence, weighing just as heavily as his curiosity.

He was tired of the pain, but also of the frustration that came with not knowing: he still felt unsure when it came to Astrid… How could he deal with Wren?

It was unwise to simply, passively drift toward the snapping point, but it seemed the inevitable conclusion for a morbid path like the one his love life had taken till then.

For her part, Wren was trying to concentrate on bathing her children as soon as possible so the paint would not dry; when Pat ultimately reached her and offered to do it himself, she was both thankful and anxious.

She really needed some peace and quiet to think about what just happened, but the mere idea of being left alone with her thoughts was terrifying.

As the water ran over her skin, her mind went back to the most heart-melting scene she’d witnessed in a while now.

In the painting room, just under the butterfly, there were had been handprints: the biggest was blue, and it was hers. Under hers, there were two smaller marks, one purple and one orange, that belonged to Caden and Zoe.

It was almost a monument to their family, and it had been done about three years earlier.

It was obvious that she relished it. So, when she heard her children ask him to give his contribution to their private walk of fame, so to say, she very nearly dropped her brush, and her jaw; the fact that he accepted instantly, dipping his hand in blood-red dye before pressing it against the wall, only worsened her conundrum.

She felt terrible, like a criminal who’d just committed a horrible crime. That was basically the truth, actually: she’d sinned, against her husband and her children.

How ironic, sinning against the Antichrist.

But no, it was not against his stage persona; it was at the expense of the man who held her heart and who, most importantly, had entrusted her with his.

_And I’ve taken such good care of it; mind the sarcasm._ She scolded herself harshly, tightening her grip on the brush until her knuckles went pasty white.

############################################################################

Just like what happened in the studio’s toilet, Wren felt all her wounds flare back to life. She’d begun to cut less thanks to Marilyn’s frequent visits, but those very visits were also the reason behind her ever-growing guilt: seeing him interact with Zoe and Caden so naturally, like a father… Like the father he would have been if she’d just let him.

The familiar urge came over her again, so she reached for one of her razors and held it up in the light, examining the blade to see how smudged it was

_I can’t do it on my wrist: he’ll see it. I have to…_

After a little consideration, the songwriter carved a cut in her calf, just above an old scar; she hissed in pain, letting a tear fall down her cheek as she forced herself to focus on her physical agony to block out the heartache. The red droplets trickled down her ankle and mingled with the colourful pigments already littering the floor of the shower, only to be washed away by the water moments later.

Wren cried some more. She wished it could be as easy as wiping away the paint, but she knew it would be anything but.

She knew what she was doing was idiotic, risky and downright evil

_I’m making him fall in love with a woman that doesn’t exist. I’m feeding him lies._

_I’m going to break his heart again, and this time the blood will all be on my hands. How can I love him, yet be selfish enough not to stop this charade?  
I’m a monster. I don’t deserve him._

Thus thinking, she scratched herself one more time, a few centimetres away from the first wound. The guilt was so pervasive that she needed to do more, but she knew it was not possible at the moment: her children were downstairs, Pat was with them, and Manson…

############################################################################

Brian.

Brian would see right through her, and she wasn’t ready for the scrutiny of those warm hazel eyes that she saw reflected in her twins’ stare every single day. It drove a stake right through her heart every time.

_Perhaps the date will go well,_ she hoped. _Perhaps I’ll manage to forget again, if only for a while._

* * *

<<Doll, are you in here?>> Marilyn asked, knocking on the door of what Pat told him was Wren’s room.

He had to admit he liked the “ _Abandon all hope, ye who enter here_ ” sign she had nailed to the black surface. Her style was a lot like his, and it made him smile.

Some people probably criticised her, saying that she shouldn’t be raising two children in such an environment but, after seeing the love and adoration with which she took care of them, he could only laugh at the thought of someone calling her an unfit mother. Zoe and Caden adored her, and they were wonderful children, even if they were growing up without a father.

That last part made him hesitate a little. Sure, it was early to think so far ahead, and he had become more cautious after his gory divorce, but would he be ready to step in as a father if his and Wren’s relationship escalated?

It was a disquieting perspective to say the least.

_See, I told you you would run_

His conscience’s mockery angered him

_I am not running. It is normal to be scared, but I am still here_

_It’s only a matter of time_

_No, it isn’t!_

_Don’t you find it ironic?  
  
What?_

_Just the fact that you were repulsed by the thought of children when you were married to Astrid, but now you are ready to be a dad to kids that are not even yours_

That accusation made him sway violently, paling if possible

_What? Don’t you have anything to say?_

He did not: he couldn’t find anything to counter with.

Those words had a worse effect than a dagger in the back, because they exposed a bitter regret that he carried with himself from before the catastrophic separation.

He knew Astrid wanted children. While she’d never come up to him to tell him out loud, he knew her well enough to see right through her.

_Did you? Did you really know her that well, or you know, at all?_

The singer gritted his teeth, clenching his teeth against the burning remorse that was arising within him

_Evidently, I didn’t_

_Ah, yes, because she was such a harpy_

_She cheated on me!_

_  
  
Have you ever thought that, maybe, you pushed her away?_

What is air?

He felt his breath hitch in his lungs

_How?_

_You never stopped to consider what she wanted_

_I wasn’t ready to be a father_

_Have you told her? Have you discussed the topic with her? How fair is it that she gave in to your wishes without you even trying to do something for her?_

He gulped loudly, nervously

_And you say you loved her._

_You know what? I don’t think Wren would want to stay with you if she knew the truth about your divorce_

_No. No, please-_

_Pathetic._

_Stop begging and man the fuck up. You have another opportunity, with a fucking gorgeous woman at that. Think of it as paying your dues, in a way_

_My dues?_

_  
Astrid would be a mother now if it weren’t for you. Instead, you don’t even know what became of her._

_So much for being in love_

He felt sick to his stomach, shame simmering like embers.

It was true, he’d never ever stopped to wonder just what had happened to his former spouse after their divorce was finalised. And he’d taken her house from her, too…

Was she even alive?

He almost spun on his heels to walk away, but something stopped him

<<Show me the skeletons in your closet

Don't wanna play pretend or ignore…>>

Wren was singing.

Again, he had to admit she had a wonderful voice. What struck him the most, however, were the lyrics…

<<All of the skeletons, they will haunt us

Let me in, let me in, I want more>>

He felt his breath leave him in one big, sudden whoosh.

That song wasn’t hers. He heard it before, somewhere…

Ah, yes: Skeletons by New Years Day.

Of all the songs she could have been singing…

Was it a chance?

Probably, but he wanted to believe it wasn’t. It felt incredible, like she was reaching out to him to save him from the abyss he was drowning in.

It made him want her even more…

<<Show me the skeletons in your closet

Don't wanna play pretend or ignore

All of the skeletons, they will haunt us

Let me in, let me in, I want more>>

  
On the spur of the moment he grabbed the handle, turned it and stepped in the room.

There she was, swaying her hips to the beat she she sang along by heart. She was a vision in her black, skull-patterned bathrobe and nothing else…

<<Ah!>>

Her gasp drew him out of his reverie, though not completely. She spun around abruptly, holding a hand to her chest as she fought to regain a steady breathing

<<For fuck’s sake, Brian, what the hell? Why’d you scare me like that?>>

He remained silent, observing her as she stared at him in confusion.

That bathrobe was the skimpiest thing he’d seen her in. He let his eyes roam over her tannish skin and her tattoos, stopping longer than they should have on the garment’s neckline before returning to her face.

_Gorgeous alright; absolutely stunning_

<<Br-Brian… Wha->>

Before she could utter that word he’d stridden up to her; she found herself in his arms, his lips pressing against hers as he held her tight against his body.

It stirred a fire inside her she thought was long gone, embers that had lain dormant ever since the last time he touched her- when they were married. He’d never kissed Wren with such passion, such desire…

The songwriter felt weak at the knees, holding on to him for dear life like she was afraid she’d fall if she let go. She was already falling, actually… So hard and fast that she feared she’d bleed when she hit the ground, but at the moment she did not care.

The high was way to pleasant to even think about the consequences.

Brian’s thoughts went along the same lines, and his eyes fluttered close as he relished the cherry taste of her lip balm. He squeezed her hips tight, but the lewder the kiss got, the more he lost control of himself… Until his hands slipped lower to hoist her up in his arms and rest her on the vanity behind her, all without breaking the lip-lock. In return, the woman wrapped her legs around his waist and sunk her fingers in his hair, pulling just enough to elicit a feral growl from him.

When the need for air became too much they both pulled away, panting harshly as they stared into each other’s eyes

_Damn_

The hunger that Wren could see in his melted her every bone, and she tightened her grip on him unconsciously

<<Brian… Ah!>>

He surprised her again by lunging at her, pressing his lips to her neck while his arms locked her in his embrace. The young artist felt her cheeks heat up in flames, but she tilted her head to give him easier access; it made him growl in approval, and she couldn’t help but moan.

The feel of his teeth grazing her skin was heady, and it made her shiver; his dark chuckle only worsened the situation

<<You smug asshole>> She hissed, making him laugh even more

<<Stop making fun of me>>

He rolled his eyes affectionately, but froze the moment she reached for the buttons of his shirt. It didn’t help that he found her perplexed gaze adorable, but he stopped her

<<Darling, what’s wrong?>>

<<I… >>

<<What?>>

<<I… You wouldn’t want to see me, Wren. You are->>

He had no chance to finish that sentence because she assaulted him with another kiss, even more passionate than before, if that was even possible.

Somehow, she made it possible.

Halfheartedly, the rocker pulled away to look her in the eyes

<<Doll, I->>

<<Listen, you fool: I find you very, very handsome, and I don’t see any reason for your hesitation>>

<<Why would a beautiful young woman like you want to stay with someone like me? I’m more than twenty years your senior, and an absolute clusterfuck>>

<<And I have my shit together, of course>> She teased sarcastically.

He arched an eyebrow, and she smiled sweetly at him

<<Darling, I’m a train-wreck with trust and self-esteem issues. I’m trying to raise two kids on my own but I rely on others to do it for me when I have breakdowns, which happens way too often>> She grimaced at that confession, and he hugged her tighter

<<I’m scarred from head to toe, and I have stretch-marks all over…

You know what?>>

<<What?>> He whispered, floored by her speech

<<I don’t want you to see me either>> Came her tearful revelation while she tried to twist herself out of his grip. He did not let her.

Instead, he lowered his head to hers again, and their lips met; she was as stiff as a statue, but he did not back down.

Eventually, she gave in, closing her eyes and melting into his embrace.

The taller performer picked her up again and blindly traipsed to the bed. He half expected her to tense again when he lay her carefully on the mattress, but she did not. Far from it, her arms held him against her when he tried to pull back even a little, and he smiled into the kiss.

Then, suddenly, someone knocked on the door

<<Wren? Are you done in there? Zoe and Caden are asking for you and Marilyn>>

The female snorted; so did the male, burying his face in her shoulder

<<Privacy is just wishful thinking in this house, my dear>>

<<I can see that, doll. Tonight’s date will do us good>>

<<Mh, I’m looking forward to it…>>

<<Me too, doll. Me too>>

He nipped her shoulder once again. She squealed and slapped him playfully, before pressing an umpteenth kiss to his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured in this chapter is "Skeletons" by New Years Day.


	12. Wow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a dream, this one I feel the need to mention  
> I was happy for a while and I stopped being scared  
> And ashamed to say what's on my mind  
> But you thought I'd change after a while  
> And said, "You'd better treat me different, or else..."
> 
> "Or else" seems like a stupid fucking thing to say  
> To someone like me, someone like me  
> Wow, wow, wow
> 
> Wow, wow, wow, wow  
> Wow, wow, wow
> 
> It doesn't matter how many times I say it  
> It never gets old, that's why I have to say  
> Wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

The entire gang found themselves in the seedy joint where Wren and Marilyn had their first date.

They had hidden in the darkest part of the bar, but in all honesty no one seemed to be paying any attention to them; the place was filled with eccentrically-garbed guys and scantily-clad girls. The drinks looked questionable, the place was one gust of wind from caving in, but it was not that bad, actually, and it meant less paps. Furthermore, it suited their style more than any fancy restaurant, and none of them felt like eating at one to begin with

<<Happy new year!>> Gacy roared, making the others laugh; he had already had quite a bit, and it showed. Ginger scooted away from him as much as he could, given that he was trapped between the wall and the deranged keyboardist, who immediately caught on to his escape attempt

<<Aw, Fish, why’d ya do that? I love ya!>> The blond threw a slightly muscled arm around his bandmate shoulder, making the poor drummer wince and down his drink in an effort to defuse the situation.

Wren laughed

<<You two are so cute! When’s the wedding?>>

<<On the thirty-first of February!>>

<<There is no thirty-first of February, Gacy>> Marilyn corrected with a chuckle. The other male snorted

<<We’ll make it. I’ll make it for Ging>>

The man in question chuckled.

Twiggy was rather tipsy too, admiring the dyed strands in Wren’s hair

<<So pretty…>>

<<Aw, thanks honey. That’s not creepy at all>>

Again, the taller performer laughed

<<Relax, darling; he’ll get bored in a while>>

<<It’s ok, I don’t mind>>

In reality, the female was having a hard time fighting back her tears as memories of her days with the band came back to her like a tidal wave. Days where she could be herself, days when it seemed the dream would never end… Days that seemed to belong to another lifetime, the life of someone who was not her.

Truth be told, she’d never really been Astrid: the alias of Wren Cross had freed her soul, giving her the chance of being her real self without the weight of expectations or threat from others- as long as her shitty parents did not find out about her.

Just the thought made her shiver. Good thing she’d left bodyguards outside her house to watch over Pat, Zoe and Caden. She briefly wondered if the two barbarians were still a threat to her ex-husband, until he called her name

<<Yes, dear?>>

<<Finally you call me something other than Mr Manson>>

<<I can fix it this instant if you->>

A sweet but passionate kiss shut her quip. When he pulled away he slowly shook his head, chortling

<<You fiend. I was wondering if you could sing something at the karaoke>>

The request surprised her, but she complied

<<Sure, why not?>>

<<Really?>>

<<Yeah>>

With a smile, he stood up to let her walk out, admiring her: she was wearing a black romper and thigh-high boots with a barely noticeable heel, her trusty leather bracelets around her wrists as always.

No one ever made much of them, and she was secretly grateful for that.

He watched with a smirk as she headed toward the corner of the room, where a hipster dude was taking down names for the karaoke. She gave a false alias, obviously, but decided to try a song that she hoped her boyfriend -that was less painful than ex-husband, though it made less sense- would appreciate.

<<Is she going to perform?>> One of his bandmates questioned

<<It would seem so>> Ginger answered

<<Interesting… What song do you think she will choose?>>

<<Probably something from the 70’s or 80’s>>

Johnny nodded

<<Hard rock?>>

<<Oh, come on guys, we are not the bloody judges of America’s got talent; let her do her thing>> Brian protested.

His objection caused his friends to raise their eyebrows and share a knowing look, smirking at him

<<Sorry B, we didn’t mean to insult your girl>>

<<Piss off>> The man groaned, shaking his head in annoyance; still, the others cackled.

Then, out of the blue, the sound of an electric guitar filled the air, and silence fell on the audience; Wren stood in the corner of the stage, mic in hand, ready to sing.

They all looked at her, interested in both her song of choice and her singing abilities even though they had already had many proofs of how talented she was

**_My one and only shining star said_ **

**_Stick with me and I'll take you far_ **

**_Your eyes are sparkling with teenage fire_ **

**_I'll satisfy your made desires cause_ **

**_  
  
_ **

**_I love playing with fire_ **

**_And I don't wanna get burned_ **

**_I love playing with fire_ **

**_And I don't think I'll ever learn_ **

She would have made the original singer proud.

**_My heart is aching to see you play_ **

**_And I can't wait till another day_ **

**_The way you shake me is really hot_ **

**_You know how to use what you got_ **

****

**_I love playing with fire_ **

**_And I don't wanna get burned_ **

**_I love playing with fire_ **

**_And I don't think I'll ever learn_ **

It was visible that she was enjoying herself; it shone on her face as well as in her voice and her dance moves, and it made them smile.

During the solo she moved her head to the beat, letting her hair swish back and forth. It was quite a sight.

The rest of the table noticed how it made Marilyn smile even more.

**_Acting tough with looks that kill_ **

**_You got me going and I can't stand still_ **

**_My arms are dying to hold ya tight_ **

**_You're my little dark dynamite you know_ **

****

**_I love playing with fire_ **

**_And I don't wanna get burned_ **

**_I love playing with fire_ **

**_And I don't think I'll ever learn_ **

Ultimately, the song came to an end; when she roared the last syllable, there was a burst of applause. She gave a mock-curtsy and grinned, whispering something to the lead guitarist beside her. The guy nodded, winking at her before gesturing something to his bandmates.

They began playing, and she smiled appreciatively as she focused on the melody to pick the right moment to start singing.

When it came, she unsheathed her abilities in all their glory

**_I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_ **

**_You're living in the past it's a new generation_ **

**_A girl can do what she wants to do and that's_ **

**_What I'm gonna do_ **

**_An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation_ **

**_Oh no not me_ **

The song fit perfectly with her style and her persona

**_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_ **

**_Never said I wanted to improve my station_ **

**_An' I'm only doin' good_ **

**_When I'm havin' fun_ **

**_An' I don't have to please no one_ **

**_An' I don't give a damn_ **

**_'Bout my bad reputation_ **

**_Oh no, not me_ **

****

**_Oh no, not me_ **

The infamous rocker was fascinated. The image of the sweet and shy girl he’d seen contrasted sharply with the uninhibited woman on the stage, dancing to the rhythm of the music and moshing every now and then.

The audience was captivated, and they clapped in time with the tune

**_I don't give a damn_ **

**_'Bout my reputation_ **

**_I've never been afraid of any deviation_ **

**_An' I don't really care_ **

**_If ya think I'm strange_ **

**_I ain't gonna change_ **

**_An' I'm never gonna care_ **

**_'Bout my bad reputation_ **

**_Oh no, not me_ **

****

**_Oh no, not me_ **

****

**_Pedal boys!_ **

That was her chance to catch her breath a little, and she fixed her hair with a quick swipe of her fingers

**_An' I don't give a damn_ **

**_'Bout my reputation_ **

**_The world's in trouble_ **

**_There's no communication_ **

**_An' everyone can say_ **

**_What they want to say_ **

**_It never gets better anyway_ **

**_So why should I care_ **

**_'Bout a bad reputation anyway_ **

**_Oh no, not me_ **

****

**_Oh no, not me_ **

In that brief pause, she chugged a shot and slammed the glass down on the table. The noise somehow overcame the band’s playing and the crowd’s cheers.

**_I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation_ **

**_You're living in the past_ **

**_It's a new generation_ **

**_An' I only feel good_ **

**_When I got no pain_ **

**_An' that's how I'm gonna stay_ **

**_An' I don't give a damn_ **

**_'Bout my bad reputation_ **

**_Oh no, not me_ **

****

**_Oh no, not_ **

****

**_Not me, not me_ **

Seeing her lean sensually against the wall ignited a wild spark in him, something that everyone at the table noticed.

She was finished, so she gave back the microphone to one of the players and headed toward the counter, intent on getting herself a drink. Johnny gave Brian a shove

<<Go to her>>

<<What are you talking about?>>

<<You know you want to>>

<<What the->>

<<Just go, man>> Tim stated, shaking his head.

Ultimately, the singer sighed and stood up to reach the girl at the bar.

When he did, he slid a note in the bartender’s direction and asked for a glass of absinthe. Beside him, the woman was nursing a Daiquiri

<<Fancy seeing you here>> She joked without even looking at him. He cackled and moved the glass closer, making the murky liquor slosh dangerously

<<Right back to you>>

<<What about the guys?>>

He threw a brief glance at the group of musicians <<They’re fine, but not as much as you>>

She giggled, following his gaze with hers. As soon as she spotted the other members of the gang making fools of themselves, she lowered her gaze with an awkward nod and turned back toward the counter. To further tease him, the men gave Manson thumbs up and lecherous smirks, to which he replied with a well-disguised middle finger.

Then he turned his head, and attention, back to her

<<You know, you were very good up there>>

She blushed slightly

<<Thank you. By the way, I wanted to ask you something>>

<<Go ahead>>

<<Is it merely a chance that we’re here again?>>

She arched an eyebrow, staring at him challengingly as she sipped her drink. When he faltered, she knew her answer

<<Did you choose it for old time’s sake?>>

She giggled, but just for a moment; the next moment she was hiding her face in her hands again to cover her blush

<<Love, I just wanted to go somewhere quiet where we would not be disturbed>> He stated, prying her hands away

<<Aw… I like the romantic story better>> She quipped, downing another gulp of alcohol.

He chuckled, shaking his head while taking a sip of his drink

<<Then I guess I should confess>>

Wren giggled again and leaned forward, looking him in the eyes

<<Are you sure?>>

<<Yes>>

<<Well, I am waiting>>

<<Fine, you win: I did choose it for old time’s sake>>

<<Really?>>

<<No>>

She pouted. He snickered, resting the glass on the counter and bending slightly forward, cupping her chin with his index and thumb

<<What do I have to do to turn that frown around?>>

<<Stop being an asshole, for starters>> She mocked, her eyes twinkling mischievously despite her furrowed brow

<<Oh come on love; you know that is simply impossible>>

He was loving the charade

<<That’s true, but beware, I can be even more of an asshole than you, _love_ >>

The way that last word rolled off her tongue made him shiver, in the best way possible

<<Then pray tell, how can I make you smile again?>>

<<Can’t you figure it out?>>

<<I already have something good in mind>> He whispered, moving even closer

<<Mh… Are you sure I would consider… Whatever it is… Good, too?>>

A part of his mind was screaming at him, ordering him to stop.

Hadn’t he decided that he wouldn’t rush into anything until he found out just what it was she was hiding from him? What if she was cheating on him? What if she was just using him to further her career, or something even worse that did not come to mind at that moment?

He wasn’t stupid, he knew there were thousands of reasons it wouldn’t work out, but her lips said otherwise.

Her eyes said otherwise.

And then, of course, there was the nice view of her neckline he enjoyed from his position…

  
He just couldn’t help it

<<The only way to find out is to try>>

Their faces were so close their foreheads almost touched. He was staring into her dark eyes, unwavering and entranced.

She seemed to be just as affected as he was

<<Then let’s try>> She exhaled shakily.

In the split of a second, their lips met.

The soft contact was enough to melt any initial shyness, and they both closed their eyes as they got more and more into the kiss. His arms enveloped her in an embrace, as if they had a mind of their own; at the same time her fingers flew in his hair, carding through the soft strands and pulling slightly, enough to make him groan and pull her even closer.

It was an amazing kiss. For her, it was without a doubt one of the best kisses she’d ever experienced. The fact that it was one of her favourite singers helped but, besides that, the warmth of his hold and the pressure of his lips on her was enough to make her brain go haywire; she forgot about her surroundings, and about everyone who was around her. Especially his friends.

Things got out of hand quickly, and their lip-lock turned lewd and sensual; when he softly nibbled at her lower lip, she couldn’t hold back a shiver.

At that moment they broke apart, trying to catch their breaths but never breaking eye contact, as if they were under a spell; it was so enthralling that, at some point, the black-haired female found herself sitting in the black-haired male’s lap, and all she could do was gasp.

He smiled softly at her, caressing her back while he looked into her eyes; for her part she smiled right back, tilting her head to the side. Her hair fell into her face, and he reached up to tuck them behind her ear, stopping to cup her cheek when he was done.

Wren blushed; her fingers traced the side of his face, paying special attention to his cheekbone and, lower, his wonderful mouth that had her toes curling inside her thigh-high boots. The sizzling tension sparked once again and Marilyn brought his hand behind her back, pulling her toward his body, pressing her against his chest even closer than before.

This time it was a full-scale make-out session, so intense that they tightened their grip on each other involuntarily, but it just made it all the more pleasurable. The woman groaned when his tongue sensually licked her bottom lip, and she complied, opening her mouth to allow him entrance. He seized the opportunity instantly and their tongues met, sending sparks throughout their bodies.

By then, Wren had her arms around Marilyn’s neck, while the man’s hands had found the curves of her hips which he was holding tight, pressing her against his own body.

It was heady, exhilarating… Electrifying even; the best feeling in the world.

Unfortunately, their lungs began burning in protest, and they had to break the lip-lock for some much-needed air.

In between pants and gasps, their eyes remained fixed into each other’s. It was a magical feeling; fantastic even. However, they were pretty soon reminded that they were, in fact, not alone

<<Damn guys, that was some kiss>> A voice from beside them commented.

They winced; where had that come from?

When the two slowly raised their eyes in that direction, they found smirking faces that they both knew pretty well

<<Hi, Wren>> Johnny greeted. The girl blushed and hid her face in Brian’s chest, making the three chuckle

<<Cat got your tongue?>>

<<I think you meant _Brian_ , Johnny>> Pogo teased.

The man in question rolled his eyes, shaking his head at their antics

<<Would you guys leave us alone already?>>

<<Hush, Mare>>

<<Anyway, we were thinking of leaving; what about you?>>

At that, the young songwriter came out of her hiding place, looking up at him to see his face; he smiled at her, pressing a peck to her lips

<<What do you say, love? Would you like to join us at my house?>>

She giggled, nodding enthusiastically

<<Count me in>>

<<Excellent. Let’s go then>>

She stood up and he followed suit, taking her hand and guiding her to the car, along with his friends; she squeezed his hand and smiled, giggling as she avoided his glance

<<Stop it, you two; you’re making me nauseous>> Twiggy teased

<<Quiet, you little->>

<<Hey, it’s ok. Relax>> The female laughed.

She ended up squeezed between the goth singer and the actor turned musician; she slid closer to the former and lay her head on his shoulder, blushing some more while he rested his head on top of hers.

The other guys laughed

<<You two look adorable>> The actor taunted

<<Yeah, like two high school sweethearts>>

The man was about to tell them to sod off, but the woman had other plans: unexpectedly, she slithered her hands up to his neck and pulled him down so she could kiss him again. When she pulled away, giggling and biting her lip to stop a smile, he found her so adorable that he had to kiss her again, and he did.

It was more than a peck.

A lot more than a mere peck; even their tongues came into play, but they were interrupted by some coughs just when it started to get intense

<<Please guys, not now>>

<<Yes. Spare us, please>>

Wren rolled her eyes, still hugging the rocker <<One chaperone was not enough?>>

The man beside her burst into hysterics, while the remaining three were deeply scandalised. She was not apologetic in the least; she grinned smugly, snuggling closer to the rocker who was trying to pull himself together, with scarce results

<<Aw, you guys look so adorable when you’re upset>>

Her taunt vanquished any attempt the shock rocker had made at calming down

<<You have a sharp tongue, I’ll give you that>>

She was incredibly pleased with that comment, and it was evident; so evident that it made them chuckle

<<I’m just enjoying myself>>

<<Don’t enjoy yourself too much>>

<<At least not in front of us>>

Wren cachinnated; Brian joined her. Even Johnny and the band couldn’t stop a chuckle

<<What’s your definition of too much, doll?>> Marilyn asked the younger singer, tugging her closer.

She shrugged but, before she could even reply, Johnny scoffed

<<I’ll tell you _my_ definition of too much: you two>>

<<Oh, did you hear that, darling? Johnny thinks that we’re too cute>>

<<I didn’t->>

<<Or do you mean too beautiful?>>

<<I->>

<<Perhaps too hot?>>

<<Geez!>> The actor cried out in disbelief, throwing his best friend an incredulous glance <<You’ve got your hands full with this one, pal>>

While the dark-haired woman shook with peal after peal of laughter, the singer nodded, smirking

<<You have no idea, pal>>

Groans of displeasure followed his words, but he just looked at the laughing woman in the seat next to his and grinned.


	13. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet dreams are made of this  
> Who am I to disagree?  
> Travel the world and the seven seas  
> Everybody's looking for something
> 
> Some of them want to use you  
> Some of them want to get used by you  
> Some of them want to abuse you  
> Some of them want to be abused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

Finally, the car stooped in front of the gate of the performer’s mansion, and the five passengers prepared to dismount. Wren thanked the driver. The man kissed her hand, but her flame pulled her away before he could kiss her hand like he was trying to

<<That was rude>>

<<He was flirting with you>> Marilyn muttered

<<I just thanked him; it’s the polite thing to do>>

<<Indeed, but let me get something across…>> That said, he tugged her closer and kissed her again, clamping his hands on her hips while he bit her lip. She gave in and let him in, wrapping her arms around his neck while their tongues fought for dominance. Again, they were interrupted

<<Geez, give it a rest you two; we’re not even inside>>

<<I’m starting to regret inviting you, guys>>

The band cackled. Johnny pulled him along so he could unlock the door. Wren stayed behind, chortling as John 5 stood beside her

<<He’s adorable>>

<<Mh… It’s not every day you hear a fifty-something years old man called adorable>>

She shrugged

<<I’ve always had a thing for older men>>

He cocked an eyebrow

<<Just how _young_ are you?>>

She pursed her lips, cocking an eyebrow as well <<It’s not polite to ask a lady’s age>>

Her retort made him cackle, but he wanted to know the answer

<<When have I ever cared about being polite?>>

Wren laughed

<<You have a point. I’m thirty-three>>

<<Damn. He’s almost twice your age; does it not bother you?>> The blond was trying to disguise his concern as mere curiosity, and he hoped she would not get offended or make a big deal out of it.

The girl shrugged again

<<Not really, no. And you're over-stretching it>>

She inspired him trust, she did, but his boss had been hurt too many times, and he wanted to avoid him further pain. However, Marilyn seemed to like her a lot, and it was a rarity those days, so…

Dammit, he couldn’t do anything besides observe her and hope the others would do the same

<<Hey, you two? Whenever you’re ready>> The man himself called, looking at his friend standing beside his new flame. The female grinned and walked toward him, giggling like a schoolgirl; the guitarist followed suit.

Once they were in, the vocalist closed the door

<<Wren, follow the guys in the living room, I’ll go get some drinks>>

<<Do you need a hand?>> She offered. He smiled and pecked her forehead, telling her it was ok and she should go ahead and take a seat

<<Alright. Be quick>>

That said, she scuttled to the living room while he snickered. He did not know what he was doing. It did not make sense, especially taking into account his recent experiences, but he really liked that girl.

He could he indulge himself, right?

_It’s going to be ok_ , he told himself over and over again, though he did not fully believe it.

* * *

Wren took a seat on the couch, looking at the band members

<<I’m happy to be here with you>>

<<It’s nice to know you’re a fan>>

She smiled

<<Whose fan are you, precisely?>>

<<Oh no, I couldn’t possibly do that>>

<<Afraid we won’t like the answer?>>

<<Why shouldn't you? I’m a fan of all of you>>

That answer made them grin, but then they went back to teasing

<<Thank you darling, but I think you might be a little more partial to our dear Manson>> Johnny joked, making her blush.

With impeccable timing, Brian came in the room with a few bottles of booze in his hands; Wren sprung to her feet and rushed toward him, grabbing one of the bottles while the other men laughed

<<They’re taunting you again, right?>>

<<Yes>>

<<Ignore them, sweetheart, it’s ok. Shall we?>>

Grinning brightly the young woman sat beside him on a loveseat, putting the alcohol on the table

<<Shall we play a game?>>

<<What game?>>

<<Never have I ever?>>

<<That’s kinda lame>>

<<Oh, come on, it’s a classic>>

<<Fine, let’s play. Who’s gonna start?>>

<<Well… Why not the householder?>>

Brian laughed and opened a bottle, pouring the content into five glasses

<<Alright. Never have I ever… Drank before I turned 21>>

Everybody took a sip, including Wren

<<Ok, now Johnny>>

The man thought for a while, then said

<<Never have I ever… Used a fake ID>>

They all drank, again; Wren mused for a moment <<Does it count if they asked for my ID and I said I was going to grab it but then fled?>>

All five players shared a laugh, and Johnny decreed it was valid, so she drank

<<Twigs?>>

<<Fine, let me think. Never have I ever… Shoplifted from a store>>

This time only some took a sip; the woman was among those who did

<<Would you look at that?>>

<<Oh, please; I was young, and I wanted chocolate: that’s a dangerous combination>>

<<You were young? What are you now, a-century-old?>>

She rolled her eyes

<<Sod off>>

They cackled

<<Alright, Miss Cross. Never have I ever… Been in handcuffs>>

While the men took a gulp of alcohol, Wren smirked

<<On what occasion?>>

Her audience choked on their drinks, making her laugh

<<Aw, did I scandalise you?>>

<<No, we just… We did not expect it>>

She grinned, calmly sipping her drink

<<Don’t underestimate me…>>

<<We won’t, Miss rule-breaker>>

* * *

The night went on on that note, with laughter and alcohol and some kisses between the two singers; at some point, the other musicians decided to leave, and Brian called the driver. The driver invited Wren to join them, so he could accompany her home, but she threw a look at the rocker behind her as soon as that offer was put forward: he was not saying anything, but his eyes expressed many emotions that she did not dare name.

It was enough for her to know that he wanted her to stay, and stay she did.

She politely declined the chauffeur’s suggestion with a shy smile, trying her hardest not to blush but failing miserably, just like the man beside her could not help but grin.

The guys in the car were perplexed and not a little apprehensive of the turn the evening had taken, but Marilyn was a grown man, and they couldn’t order him around; the best they could do was support him, whether things went well or not. Wren seemed to be a nice girl, and he liked her a lot, so where was the harm in leaving them alone for the night? It might be the best thing for him.

Or the worst.

Unfortunately, only time would tell.

* * *

The couple observed the car move farther and farther until it disappeared from view; the girl could not refrain from waving the other performers off, which brought a smile on the face of the one standing beside her

<<Darling, would you like to come back inside?>>

She nodded, still a little shy despite the alcohol she’d downed during the evening.

He chuckled, taking her hand and guiding her to the entrance, then from there to the sofa in the living room

<<Mh, drinking games are no fun with only two people>>

Again, he cackled

<<Who said we have to play a drinking game?>>

<<No?>>

<<We’ve done that all evening; it’s time for a change>>

Wren’s face beamed, and she leaned backwards, making herself comfortable

<<In that case, Mr Manson, I’m all ears>>

The singer snorted

<<I told you not to call me that; evidently, you didn’t hear me>>

<<I _did_ hear you, I just didn’t listen; there’s a difference>>

<<Sassy brat>>

<<Yours truly>>

They shared a belly laugh.

When he’d calmed down, the rocker sat up straight and shook his head in amusement

<<You’re something else, darling>>

<<Something else compared to what, Mr Manson?>> Wren teased, smirking cheekily; the man snorted again, but he was smiling too

<<I don’t know, it’s just… You’re like a breath of fresh air, and I’ve been wishing for one for so long>>

His tone had grown melancholic, and he hung his head down; for her part, Wren scooted closer to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, smiling softly

<<Dark times come for everybody; it’s just how life goes. The important thing is that you fight your way through difficulties.

Keep in mind that you have many people who love you, who support you, and let’s not forget your fans…>>

<<Thank you, love. Are you one of them?>>

<<Abso-Goddamn-Motherfuckin-Lutely>> The young woman replied, prompting laughter from her companion. She held onto him and grinned as she watched him laugh; she loved seeing him like that, so happy and carefree like he deserved to be

<<I’m glad you are a fan of mine, love>> He purred

<<Don’t act like you hadn’t already figured it out, smugface. I practically turned into a pulp when you approached me that day at the studio>>

<<When you put it like that, it sounds awful>>

A few moments of silence went by, then they both burst into hysterics; Wren swatted him on the arm

<<You reprobate!>>

<<Yours truly>> He mocked, grinning deviously.

The woman gasped with indignation, staring at him in mock horror

<<You thief! You’re incorrigible!>>

While she repeatedly smacked him on the shoulder, without actually hurting him, he shook with peal after peal of laughter, so much so that tears came to his eyes.

* * *

It went on for a few minutes; some fun, carefree minutes during which Wren’s hands did not leave Brian’s shoulders, and one of his own hands found its way to hers. Then the tension became more palpable, and they stopped laughing to look into each other’s eyes in silence.

Neither of them knew how to feel. Was it awkward? Uneasy? Relaxing? Romantic?

Confusing was the only word they could use to describe it, but it was a good kind of confusion; the best possible kind

<<Brian?>> The young woman murmured at some point.

He was so caught up in her obsidian irises that he thought he’d just imagined it, until he heard it again

<<Yes, doll?>> His voice had acquired a husky quality that probably came from the butterflies swirling in his stomach; it had been a long time since he’d felt something even remotely comparable to what he was experiencing with the black-haired beauty next to him.

The woman in question reached up and brushed some hair out of his face. She was having a hard time fighting back her tears, because she knew what he was thinking about, and it wasn’t anything happy.

Far from it, as she was well aware: the very same wounds made her heart bleed as well, along with new ones that he’d unknowingly inflicted in the short time they spent together after their sudden, unexpected reunion.

The need to reach out to him was incredibly strong, but it did not stem from her acid guilt; instead, it was simply her wish to comfort the man she loved so much.

That is what she tried to do, tenderly skimming a fingertip over his cheek as she’d done in the bar; only this time, they were alone.

Truly and finally alone

<<I don’t know how it went, and I don’t want to know; it doesn’t feel fair to pry into your personal life, and I don’t want to ask you about that chapter of your life and reopen old wounds. I have no right to do that.

However, I want to tell you something>>

Lying like that left a foul taste in her mouth, but she chose to ignore the feeling to simply make him feel better.

He waited for the rest of her speech, not tearing his eyes away from hers and her spectacular lips; even with faint traces of black, smudged lipstick, he thought they were incredibly enticing

<<You are a wonderful man.

Life hit you with a truckload of trouble, and you fought your way out of it; you’re still fighting, but you never give in. Far from it, you managed to hold your own while keeping your head on your shoulders and without losing your dignity.

Well, not entirely>>

He snorted, shoving her playfully while she giggled

<<No one thinks less of you because of what happened; no one that matters, at least.

I know I am no one in your life, but I wanted to tell you this>>

He stayed silent, looking at her with incredulity and amazement.

Part of her wanted to run and hide, away from a gaze and affections she did not feel she deserved, but neither of them was ready to face the ghosts of their past

_Will we ever be? I doubt it_

_Nice speech, very flowery; it would be nice if you meant even half of it_

_I do! I meant every word!_

_  
  
You are the one who made him suffer this much_

She set her jaw and clenched her teeth, trying to rein in the sudden rage ignited by her conscience’s nagging

_Listen up, you fucking pain in the ass: I loved, and love, this man with every single part of my heart. If I ever caused him pain -and I know I have, thank you very much- I did so without meaning to._

_Perhaps I could have handled the ordeal better, but there’s no use crying over the past._

_Just shut the fuck up, will you? I don’t need another reminder of how much I messed up; looking him in the eyes is bad enough already_

That seemed to shut her conscience up.

It was true, she meant every word of her speech, no matter what lies she had to say to cover her secrets. Her love for him didn’t change.

Speaking of Brian, he was still silent, trying to process the beautiful things she said. He was speechless, astounded even.

Very few people had ever treated him like that.

He was still gazing into her eyes; her cheeks blushed furiously under his stare but she did not look away, playing with a flyaway blue strand of her hair that continuously wound up on her forehead.

Then, finally, he spoke

<<Doll… That was bloody incredible>>

She shrugged

<<It’s just what I think>>

<< _Just_? Why do you say that? Because you’re not part of my life?>>

Her reply was a nod.

Ironically, it was that simple gesture that exhausted his resistance.

As soon as she nodded, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her toward himself, so close that their mouths were inches apart. She gasped, but did not fight him

<<Not _yet_ , darling. However, you’re on the right path to becoming part of it>>

By then, her cheeks were the colour of two ripe cherries; the sight would have made him chortle, but he was too caught up in the moment for that.

Wren’s breath hitched in her throat; she gaped, frozen in his grip.

<<A very important part, by the looks of it>>

She smiled. She smiled so bright he could not help but smile back, but just for a moment, for the next one he was kissing her.

Their lips met and their eyes fluttered closed; hands skated over arms and backs to grip shoulders and squeeze them as passion arose.

The magical atmosphere was with them once again.

Wren’s arms enveloped Brian’s neck, and Brian’s wrapped around Wren’s waist to pull her even closer.

Just like before, the girl found herself in the man’s lap, but this time no gasps or other noises left her lips, which were far too occupied with those of the handsome star beneath her.

When their tongues met again, the singer’s hands carded through her soft hair, while hers fisted the neckline of his shirt as she let out a soft moan.

The situation was heating up rather quickly, but neither of them seemed to have a problem with that.

Far from it, in all honesty.  
They became lost in their embrace, and their fingers slid up and down the other’s body while they kissed more and more roughly. At some point, he found the zipper of one of her boots and tugged it down without thinking about it; the strip of exposed smooth skin between the shorts and the boot addled his mind.

As soon as the female realised what his intentions were, she lifted her leg and propped it on his lap, making it easier for the performer to remove the shoe completely.

Slowly, torturously so, he guided the zip lower and lower, until he reached her ankle; there, he slid his hands inside the boot and brushed them all over her skin, making her groan.

A few moments later, a dull thud resounded when the shoe hit the floor.

Wren broke the kiss, scooting away, and he grew worried. Had he been too forward? Was that too much? Had he misread the situation?

He had not invited her to his house with that in mind, but-

All his doubts were silenced the moment she lifted her other leg, laying it in his lap; one look at her face, and he understood.

The soft noise of another zip being undone was the only sound in the room as their eyes locked again in a heated glance; when the boot was finally open, he snuck his hands inside it just like before and slowly smoothed them over her skin, watching as she bit her lip. Just that sight was enough for him to hunch forward and crash his lips to hers, all the while he eased the shoe off her foot and dropped it to the floor beside the other one.

Their lip-lock flared, to the point where he slowly began to lean on her while she reclined back, but there was a detail they’d neglected…


	14. Minute of Decay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's not much left to love  
> Too tired today to hate  
> I feel the empty  
> I feel the minute of decay
> 
> I'm on my way down now, I'd like to take you with me  
> I'm on my way down  
> I'm on my way down now, I'd like to take you with me  
> I'm on my way down
> 
> The minute that it's born  
> It begins to die  
> I'd love to just give in  
> I'd love to live this lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: smut.  
> The start and end of the scene will be indicated by a string of ◊
> 
> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

They soon tumbled to the floor, Brian on his back and Wren sprawled on top of him.

At first they were taken aback, but then, when their eyes met again, they burst into laughter, holding each other as they did. He sat up, causing her lean backward

<<Are you ok?>> The young woman asked, scanning his face with a worried frown; the man nodded, taking her hands in his and kissing the palm of each, making her cheeks turn scarlet

<<More than ever>>

If possible, her blush worsened, and she smiled shyly. He reciprocated the gesture and pressed his lips to hers once more, relenting his grip on her wrists to cup her face; she raked her fingers over his chest, up and down, until he decided to shrug off the shirt he had on. It went to join the boots, and Wren took in the view as she skimmed her fingers over every tattoo, following them with her eyes in fascination

<<You have so many…>> She whispered, entranced.

Then, her eyes found something she did not remember ever seeing during their years of marriage. The design left no space for doubt though

<<Is that…>>

He followed her gaze down to the butterfly with crippled black wings that resided on his hip and nodded.

Wren’s mind went back to their relationship, to the time when she used to draw butterflies on his lyrics sheets, and the significance of that tattoo really dawned on her. She bit her lip, tears pooling in her eyes

<<I’m sorry…>>

_Fuck_

It fell out of her mouth before she could even register what she was saying.

Everything came to a screeching halt.

She eyed him warily, praying whatever mystical entity was out there that he would not realise just what she was telling him.

Luckily, her prayers were answered, and he simply took it as an act of sympathy

<<It’s ok. What about you, do you have any?>>

<<As if you don’t already know, pervert>>

They shared a laugh

<<I’m curious though; what do they represent?>>

The female singer forced a giggle, impressed by how spontaneous it seemed

_I guess being with him makes me feel alive and kills me at the same time,_ she mused fondly

<<Those are very personal stories>>

<<Oh. Yes, I understand you wouldn’t want to share them>>

<<Not _yet_ , and only with you>> She corrected.

It may have been trivial but he felt his heart flutter, and he pecked her lips

<<Thank you, love>>

<<What for?>>

<<Making me feel important again>>

Wren was touched by those words, and she pressed a kiss to his forehead, one to his nose and an umpteenth kiss to his lips

<<Darling, you’ve never stopped being important; for those who matter, you never will>>

<<I can’t even remember how it felt, now>> He replied fervently, pulling her down to cement his lips with hers.

Much like earlier in her bedroom, things got out of control very soon. She soon found herself sprawled on top of him while they made out, and she felt his hands rove over her back, looking for the zipper.

Wren was apprehensive, to say the least. Would he recognise her if he saw her naked?

In the band shop he only saw her upper body, and apparently it didn’t spark any memory, to her relief. Besides, she knew she’d changed in the years they’d been apart: she was curvier because of her pregnancy, but the forced fasting and the brawls she’d taken part in ever so often had made her stronger and thinner, something that she’d cultivated with impressive results.  
The tattoos and her new scars were just the cherry on top of the sundae.

It was enough to soothe her and allow her to relax.

His fingers finally found what they’d been looking for and instantly tugged it down; his hand came to rest on her ass when he reached the bottom.

The younger performer pulled away with a chortle

<<You know I can’t stand up if you do that>>

He groaned

<<Mh… Why would you…>>

<<Because it’s the only way to take my clothes off, you idiot>>

In response he pinched her butt, making her squeal

<<Watch it>>

<<If you’re ok with lying here like this…>>

He basically pushed her off him, making her laugh

<<Horndog>>

<<Don’t make me spank you>>

<<Who says I wouldn’t like that?>>

Once again, he groaned

<<Fuck, doll… You’re driving me crazy>>

Wren grinned, reaching up to tug her romper off, preening under his starstruck staring. While she undressed, he noticed a few tattoos that were hidden the first time he saw her.

He saw two swallows on her flank, flying away in the sunset, a dagger that rested on her hip and a heart that read “I’m broken” on her calf. There were also broken chains around her ankles, but he couldn’t make out what was written on the inside of her thigh.

She instantly tried to distract him by sitting in his lap, and it worked

<<I believe it’s your turn now, Mr Antichrist>>

<<Is it? I was quite enjoying the show, darling>>

Giggling, the dual-haired female shook her head and let her hands skim lower on his body, until they reached his fly

<<I’m about to steal your belt again>>

<<I won’t mind it this time, not at all…>>

Their lips met again while she worked the button and zip of his trousers open, undoing the buckle of his belt. When it came off entirely, he stood up and hoisted her in his arms, blindly walking toward the bedroom as he still kissed her, losing his shoes in the meantime.

A wave of wistfulness washed over her when she saw the familiar red sheets on the black bed, but his nips on her neck were enough to make her lose concentration once again; the last coherent thought she could form was that the bedding was as soft as she remembered, if not even more.

**◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊**

He eased her down on the mattress with a care that contrasted sharply with the sexual tension in the air, and it touched her deeply.

But Wren was beyond that now: she flipped them over in the blink of an eye and pulled his trousers and socks down

<<Someone is happy to see me>>

<<You could make me even happier, you know…>>

<<Really now?>> The black-haired woman teased, skimming her hands over his chest <<How?>>

He grunted

<<You fucking tease>>

Another giggle came from her

<<Is that your final answer?>>

With a growl, Marilyn flipped them over again and crashed his lips to hers, reaching behind her back to undo her bra. It snapped, after a few tries, and he immediately threw away both her tanktop and her brassiere, leaving her bare from the waist up, all laid out in front of him.

One of his hands sneaked up to her breasts, gripping one roughly while his mouth latched on the nipple of the other, nipping and sucking. Wren moaned, reaching up to grab handfuls of his hair, pushing him even more against her skin

<<Brian, Brian…>>

At the sound of her pleas, his other hand skimmed over her bust, reaching her waist and tugging her panties down; he eased them down her legs and flung them in the room somewhere, not giving a damn where they ended up. His fingers immediately went back to her body, prying her legs open to find her slit.

When he did, she cried out

<<Brian!>>

The man smiled against her breast as she called out his name; it was exhilarating, something he would never get tired of hearing. He let his index glide from the bottom to the top of her cleft, paying particular attention to her clit.

Again, she screamed

<<Fuck!>>

He chuckled, licking his lips after he let go of her nipple to move his mouth lower, to join his hand in the exploration of her intimacy

<<Oh, oh my gosh…>>

His tongue licked one long stripe, from top to bottom, making her curse

<<Fuck, darling…>>

<<What do you want, love?>>

<<I want to cum, darling. Let me cum…>>

<<Right on it, baby girl>>

That was the last thing he said; his tongue was otherwise occupied immediately after. He swiped it up and down, delighting in the screams and sobs she let out as she thrashed around. Just to be cruel, he immobilised her with a forearm and continued to please her with the other hand, never taking his tongue off of her

<<I’m close, darling, I’m so close- Ah!>> She arched her back off the mattress, digging into the sheets as she screamed her throat raw; to be even crueller he did not relent his assault, tormenting and sucking on her sensitive flesh even as she experienced completion.

Her voice rose, and she shook violently while she rode out her height until she slumped down on the mattress, utterly and deliciously spent

<<Ho- Holy shit…>>

<<Are you satisfied, baby girl?>>

Wren panted, her eyes still closed

<<I’ll tell you in a minute when I have fully regained control of my body again>>

Brian smirked

<<I’m that good>>

<<Yes you are, handsome. Yes you are>>

They stayed like that for a while: he held her in his arms as she caught her breath, still basking in the afterglow. Brian was smiling, his eyes closed as he leaned against one of his arms, the other wrapped around the woman’s waist; then, he felt something graze his nether regions, and he was jolted awake

<<Wren>> He growled in warning, turning his eyes toward her; she simpered innocently, tightening her grip around his shaft

<<What’s wrong, daddy?>>

The man was shaken by a shudder. When she called him that, it ignited something within him; something primal and wild, something that would subdue her, conquer her and leave her panting beneath his body

<<Baby girl, you’re out to get it, aren’t you?>>

The brunette bit her lip and innocently batted her eyelids at him, still leisurely pumping him in her hand

<<Maybe I am, daddy…>>

No sooner had she finished pronouncing that word than he was flipping her over, pushing her on her back and lying on top of her, prying her legs open as he assaulted her neck with kisses and bites

<<Oh my… Brian…>>

She had worked him up too much for him to be gentle.

He distracted her with pecks, nips and sensual caresses all over her body before he pushed his hips forward, entering her abruptly; she howled and sank her nails in his back, throwing her head back in pleasure. Her legs tightened around his hips, and she pushed her heels into his bottom

<<Move, daddy…>>

<<Beg, baby girl… Beg me to fuck you>> He exhaled, aroused beyond belief.

Wren gasped and shamelessly pleaded him to move

<<Please daddy, please, start to thrust.

Please, daddy, I want to cum; I want to feel your cock stretch me out to the point of pain, hitting that special spot inside me over and over again until my eyes roll back and I become numb with pleasure, and the only word I remember is your name>>

For good measure she clenched around him, making him moan and mutter a curse. His blood was boiling in his veins, thrumming in his ears, and he was wound incredibly tight. Just a little more, and he would snap…

<<I want you to pound into me so hard the bed will rock against the wall and dig cracks in the plaster, until I am so sore that I won’t be able to walk straight for a week.

Please, daddy…>>

Bloody hell, she was a dirty talk master.

The last thread of restraint in him broke, and he pulled out almost all the way before plunging back inside with a harsh thrust; she yelled, but he did not care. He simply grabbed each of her hands, pressed them into the mattress for leverage and proceeded to fuck her brains out, pistoning in and out like a mad man

<<Brian, Brian…>>

<<What was that, baby girl?>> He growled. He was supposed to stop and tease her until she shouted the right name, but he no longer had the self-control necessary to do that, so he just increased the strength of his thrusts, if it was possible.

Wren’s back arched off the bed, pressing her breasts against his chest and spurring him on even more- again, if it was possible to do so

<<Daddy, daddy… Oh fuck yes, yes, yes! YES!>>

He smirked and nipped her neck just below her ear, never losing his rhythm. Her insides fluttered around him, and he understood she was about to reach her climax

<<Are you close, baby girl?>>

<<Yes, daddy, yes… Please, go harder…>>

He looked down at her: her eyes were scrunched shut and she was biting her lips, totally absorbed in her pleasure. For fuck’s sake, she was a freak; he loved it.

Letting go of her hands, he grabbed her legs and lifted them so that they hung over his shoulder and went back to drilling into her without mercy as soon as he was done. The woman beneath him released a high-pitched scream, and he took it as a sign to go even harder- which might have seemed impossible, but he did it

<<Oh fuck, daddy>>

<<You like that, baby girl?>>

<<Yes, yes, I love it. Just like that->> Her words died on her lips as he hit all the right spots inside her again and again; the familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach was beginning to spread to the rest of her body. He reached down and brushed his thumb over her clit in circular motions, applying just enough pressure to drive her crazy

<<Cum for me, baby girl; tell the whole world who’s making you feel this good>>

That was the final push she needed: just like that, the coil in her stomach snapped and she clenched around him almost painfully, sobbing in pleasure as he still slammed into her over and over again while she orgasmed. His thumb had not left her femininity either

<<Fuck, fuck, fuck, this is so good, so bloody good- Ah!>>

Her back flew off the mattress again while her nails left angry red marks in the skin of his shoulders. The sting only stimulated him more, though his movements were becoming irregular as he approached completion

<<Oh, daddy, this is so good…>>

After her height passed she leaned her head against the pillow, utterly worn out by the intensity of her orgasm; it had left her so sensitive that it was almost painful to be fucked by him still, especially when his thumb prodded her nub like that, but it was the best kind of pain in the world. Furthermore, quite frankly, she did not have the strength nor the will to tell him to tone it down, so she lay there taking it all, her inner muscles spasming from time to time.

The sight of her breasts bouncing in his face, her expression of rapt pleasure and the sound of his name on her lips all heightened the marvellous sensations he was feeling already, and he finally achieved his climax, stilling inside her and holding her hips as he came; his grip was strong to the point of bruising, but neither of them gave a damn. When he’d emptied his load in her, down to the very last drop, he let her go and pulled out, falling on the mattress on his back with a soft thud.

They both lay there panting, still prey of the aftershocks of the mind-blowing orgasms they’d just enjoyed

**◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊**

<<Wren?>> He gasped, tilting his head to look at his girlfriend who was in no better conditions than him

<<Yes, Brian?>> She gulped loudly and wheezed, craning her head up to look him in the eyes

<<Are you ok, darling?>> He asked in concern.

The brunette snorted

<<Are you kidding me? Ok doesn’t even begin to cover it>>

<<Really?>> He couldn’t help but chuckle; she sounded so offended

<<Absolutely>>

And she was. Being with him again after so long was wonderful, so wonderful that she felt tears pool in her eyes.

It reminded her of why it would have never felt right with anyone else, and it erased the memory of the years of solitude she’d endured- not permanently, but it gave her incredible joy for the moment, and she held on to it

_I love him. I love him, and I always will_

The rockstar wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, kissing her forehead with adoration

<<It was amazing, yes>>

The brunette giggled, snuggling even further against him <<That’s very flattering, handsome, but I’m too worn out to put out again>>

<<Darling, I wasn’t suggesting->>

<<Perhaps in a couple of hours?>> She proposed innocently, staring up at him with questioning eyes. Once more, he could only cachinnate at the scene

<<Oh, you beautiful, beautiful freak>> He kissed her soundly on the lips, and she giggled <<We’ll see, baby. Now let’s rest for a while>>

<<Alright dear>> The brunette yawned, nestling her head in the crook of his neck <<Goodnight. See you in a while>>

Her eyelids fluttered shut, and her breathing evened out pretty soon. Before joining her, Brian took the chance to observe her a little without being reprimanded for it: she looked so beautiful, so peaceful… And she was his.

He was the luckiest man in the world to have her.

That was the last thought he had before succumbing to sleep with a grin on his lips, hugging her to his chest.


	15. The Devil Beneath My Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't bring your black cloud to bed  
> When I wake up you best be gone  
> Or you better be dead  
> Don't bring your black cloud to bed  
> When I wake up you best be gone  
> Or you better be dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depictions of self-harm. The start and end of the scenes will be signalled by a string of hashtags (#).
> 
> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

The next morning, Wren awoke due to a sunray hitting her square in the face; despite the curtains being closed, some light managed to sneak inside the room. She cursed and stretched, reaching up to rub the sleep from her eyes.

That’s when he felt it: she was alone in the bed.

Feeling her heart jump, the black-haired female reached out to examine the other half of the mattress: it was cold, almost as if it had been left untouched.

But she knew that was not the case

Her head did not hurt; it felt fuzzy, but she did remember what happened the previous evening.

They slept together.

_How could you let things get out of hand so much?_

_Sod off, it was a wonderful night_

_You just reunited, for fuck’s sake! Why didn’t you tell him the truth before doing this?_

She faltered, gulping loudly

_I…_

_You silly little girl. You are throwing to the wind the only chance you have to patch things up with the man you love and you-_

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up_

Her conscience receded a little, just enough for her to let go of those thoughts.

The ones that came in their stead were so much worse though

_Where is he? Why did he leave?_

_Did he actually just want to get lucky with me- Wren- me- fuck, did he actually just want sex?_

_It can’t be… Why would he string me along for months?_

_It doesn’t make sense… But then, where the hell is he?!_

After throwing back the covers and standing up, she hurried to purloin a shirt from his dresser before venturing out of the room.

The exploration was disappointing though: he wasn’t in the bathroom, nor in any other rooms close by.

The house was eerily silent, as if no one lived there.

A sob escaped her lips before she could rein it in, but she did not really want to.

What if he heard her?

_Who cares. He’s probably not even here anyway_

Thus thinking she let her tears flow, wiping her cheeks from time to time just in case.

She half expected him to come waltzing in, a smile on his face and a dish of pancakes in his hand-

_Fuck, I miss the old times so much_

_You foolish girl, don’t you see? It’s useless, you’ll never-_

<<Fuck you!>> Wren shouted, unable to stop herself.

The frustration building inside because of that nagging little voice was unbelievable.

_I need to get out of here. Now_

Her feet rushed her back to the bedroom before she could comprehend what was happening; she ran around, collecting her clothes from the floor.

It never occurred to her that she may have been overreacting, or even that he may have gone out to buy them something- after all, he would have left a note in that case.

Unfortunately, her parents’ legacy was taking a toll on her, making all her doubts come back to life with a renewed fury.

All the abuse, the years she was told she wasn’t good enough, that she was worthless…

_Am I not good enough for him?_

The insecurities, the worries, her fear of being abandoned…

It all came back with a vengeance.

She got dressed in a heartbeat, faster than ever.

Her heartbeat was accelerating with no control, and the voice of conscience she’d somehow managed to quell earlier was now screaming at the top of its lungs. It was shouting all sorts of foul insults, and she felt like he deserved it

_I’ve been unfair to him._

_I betrayed his trust and broke his heart._

_Now, I’m lying to him._

_I’m a monster_

She bent to tug up the zipper of a boot which she’d mistakenly left half undone, then spun on her heels and fled down the corridor, running as fast as she could.

The loud thud that echoed throughout the house when she slammed the door made her shiver, but she strode on regardless.

It didn’t matter that she didn’t have a car: she’d walk until she found taxi. At worst, she could call Chad.

* * *

Something in him told him to follow her, but by the time he’d actually made a move, a loud thud echoed throughout the house: she’d left.

She was gone.

And it was his fault.

* * *

Hours later Wren was in her bedroom, crying her eyes out.

Being left the first time hurt like a bitch, but now… It was deliberate.

She had done nothing to warrant such treatment: he’d deliberately sought her out, made her fall for him -again- and left

_Did he seriously string me along just for sex? Couldn’t he find a groupie for that? He certainly did find many after divorcing me…_

Perhaps it was karma.

Perhaps he’d become like this after she destroyed him.

Whatever the reason, the sorrow she was experiencing ate at her like a corrosive lava flow; the worst kind of torture possible, slow and agonising.

It made her want to destroy everything in her sight; good thing Pat had taken the kids somewhere special, and they would be gone all day.

That thought made her feel sick

_Am I a good mother?_

_Am I neglecting my babies?_

_Do I even deserve Zoe and Caden? What would they say if they knew I hid them from their father?_

A sudden vibration, along with a light that hurt her eyes used to the darkness, told her someone was calling her. With the corner of her eye she spotted the sender’s name

_What the hell does Twiggy want this early in the morning?_

Sighing, the songwriter pressed the green button and brought the phone to her ear

<<Hello?>> She greeted, forcing a cheerfulness that was a complete 180 from her actual state

<<Hi Wren, good morning>>

<<Morning>>

<<Uh, listen… Are you with Marilyn now?>>

That simple question brought back her pain like a tidal wave, opening up the still fresh wounds

<<No, I’m at my house. Why?>>

<<We’ve been tryin to text him and call him for a while, but he’s not answering. Did you see him this morning? Was he ok?>>

The singer had to bite her lip to keep a bitter laugh from leaving her lips

_No, I have not seen him today. He ditched me after we slept together and vanished off the face of earth._

_What can I make of that?_

<<Actually no, I haven’t. He went AWOL on me>>

The line went silent for a moment, but the female clearly heard the other musician curse at the other end of it

_Do they resent me for not looking after him?  
If that’s the case, they have another thing coming_

<<Twigs? Are you there?>>

<<Yes, yes I am>>

<<Should I be worried? Did something happen to him?>>

<<Its just… Today is a bad day for him>>

  
That brought her up short

<<Oh, I’m sorry. Is he mourning someone close?>>

Her mind went to the past, to the times she would stay with him and comfort him to the best of her abilities. How she longed to do that again…

<<No. Today is… The anniversary of his divorce, so to say>>

That was the last sentence she heard before her phone slipped from her fingers, falling to the floor with a crash.

Wren was paralysed, frozen in place with wide eyes and mouth agape

_I forgot about it completely…_

_Damn, it’s been six years already?_

She gulped loudly, staring straight ahead into the void

_So he shuts down on this day every year: he’s hurting too much to be around other people._

_That’s why he wasn’t with me when I woke up_

<<Wren, are you ok? What happened?>>

Jolted out of her musings, the female performer hurried to pick up her mobile again, bringing it back to her ear and forcing her voice to sound normal

<<Yes, I’m fine: I just dropped my phone.

Twigs?>>

<<Yeah?>>

<<I’m worried. Is there anything I can do?>>

<<We’re going to drop by his house and check on him; he probably won’t let us in, but we have spare keys>>

<<I could join you if->>

<<No, Wren. I think it’s better if you stay at home for now.

We’ll call you when things are better>>

It was worse than a stab in the back.

It basically meant “we don’t want you there, stay out of our lives and leave him alone”

_Just like the time they accused me of cheating. The words are different, but… The hurt is the same_

<<Alright, but keep me updated; I want to know how he is>>

That was the last sentence she uttered before he hung up, leaving her alone in her dark room. It was barely midday, but she had rolled down all the shutters so she could be alone.

Physically, that is; in her mind and in her heart, she’d already been alone fora long time.

The gloomy atmosphere and quiet gave her the opportunity to reflect on what the dreadlocked male just told her

_Today is a bad day for him._

The singer felt dizzy and cold, shivering slightly.

Most of all though, she was disgusted with herself

_I accused him unjustly. For fuck’s sake, when will I stop? I say I love him and I think so little of him._

_He probably didn’t want to be around me because the pain he felt made him angry and he didn’t want to hurt me, but I just had to think ill of him; again_

It got so bad that she actually rushed to the bathroom and threw up, shaking violently due to how agitated she was

_I hope he doesn’t do anything terrible._

_I hope that he’s ok. I would like to be there for him, but…_

_Would it really be a good idea?_

Another retch made her bend over the toilet, Twiggy’s words echoing in her mind like a fateful verdict at a trial

_The anniversary of his divorce_

The _anniversary_.

So sardonically romantic, knowing that he “celebrated” the end, and not the beginning, of their marriage. However, what did he have to be happy about?

Nothing, as his current moodiness showed

_So he does this every fucking year. It means he’s mourning me, and has been for the last six years._

_It means I devastated him; I broke him again and he doesn’t know how to fix himself._

It actually made her heart bleed

_“I think it’s better if you stay at home for now”_

Yes, it was probably for the best.

After all the damage she’d inflicted, it would be better to stay away from him while he went through such a delicate moment.

A moment _she_ had caused; something she’d never forgive herself.

############################################################################

All the scars on her body began to tingle again. It was a very familiar feeling, something she experienced millions of times, and yet…

That day, it was different: never had it been so intense.

She felt guilty for accusing him while _she_ was at the heart of the problem. This applied both to the morning’s events but mostly to their disastrous divorce

_If only I hadn’t gone to the kitchen that evening._

_If only I minded my own business._

_If only I worked up the sand to confront him._

_If only, if only, if only…_

Her feet were carrying her in another room before she realised what was going on, and her hands were rummaging through a drawer of her bedside table as if they had a mind of their own. When they finally found what they were looking for, everything stilled.

Wren sat on the floor, holding the blade up in the air and watching it glisten ominously in the very dim light that filtered in the room.

Her own executioner.

She knew it was _her_ fault though, not the blade’s, if she hurt

_Just like Marilyn: he hurt me, almost killed me, but I drove him to do that._

_I caused him so much agony, and I deserve to pay._

_I deserved what he did to me, and I deserve this_

The object came dangerously close to her skin, but something stopped her: the thought of two tiny smiles, two pairs of bright clever eyes and small hands.

Zoe and Caden.

  
She would never, ever let them see their mother like that: they had to be protected at all costs, even and, especially, from her demons.

They were the sole beacons she had in the darkness -quite literally- and she would shield them from her past; not because they made her stay sane and she needed them, but because she was a mother who valued her children more than she did her life- not that it’d take a lot, but still.

Her phone rang again: another text. Groaning in pain at the intense light, Wren squeezed her eyes to read.

It was from Pat: the car had broken down, and he left it at the mechanic’s. It would take the whole day to repair it, so he booked a hotel room for him and the twins.

That meant they would be back late the next morning, maybe even afternoon if the pests were particularly ornery and didn’t do what the poor man said.

That meant she’d be alone all day, something that had happened rarely during the last six years, and that was lucky, given what she did when she was left to her own devices.

Case in point what she was doing at that moment.

The sting was like an old friend to her, an ordinary sensation.

Watching the blood trickle down was very familiar, too, but it didn’t help this time.

Her dark eyes scanned her mauled wrists, recalling the moment each and every scar had appeared on her skin, but never had it hurt like this.

Instead of taking her mind off the terrible agony that burned in her chest, it was making her feel even worse

_I shouldn’t be doing this: Zoe and Caden need me, and Marilyn…_

_Brian._

Her gaze shifted to her thigh, to the “I’m broken” tattoo she’d gotten a few years ago, after listening to Tainted Love the first time. The dude who did it had been so concerned, seeing her in tears…

But she couldn’t stop crying, as she couldn’t in that moment

_Look what you made him go through, you worthless slut._

_You ruined the man you profess to love._

_You are a hypocrite, a liar and a traitor. You are nothing._

_You deserve nothing._

Those voices overtook her, pushing the blade-gripping hand to act without the brain’s direct orders. While it didn’t help her deal with her problems, it made her feel like she was receiving a just and deserved punishment for her crimes.

By then, the tiles around her had grown red with the blood that dripped from her legs and arms; she’d long learned how to avoid fatal accidents, but that didn’t mean she didn’t go too far.

Actually, it happened most of the time.

The important thing was that she needed to pull herself together before Pat and the children came back.

As she swiped the piece of metal across her skin one more time, Wren went back to the fantastic night she’d spent with her ex-husband

_You lied to him, you wretched whore. You don’t deserve him, you never did_

Hot tears fell from her eyes and she slowly sank to the floor, suddenly feeling terribly worn out

**_You drained my heart,_ **

**_made a spade_ **

**_But there’s still traces_ **

**_of me in your veins…_ **

_Well_ , Wren mused sardonically, spending the last of her energy on a bitter smile. _I hope those traces are gone now…_

And then the world went black.

############################################################################

* * *

After watching her leave, Brian went back to the bedroom, absentmindedly reaching out to touch the part of the mattress she’d occupied up to a while earlier.

It was still warm.

All of a sudden, the room felt ten thousand times colder, and he shivered.

What the hell had he done?

He had a girl, a wonderful girl who’d shown him more kindness than anyone ever had, save for his family and friends; a wonderful girl who’d given him a shoulder to cry on, who’d consoled him as he spoke of another woman while alone with her…

The horrifying truth of what he’d done finally dawned on him.

Bloody hell.

He could still see her eyes in his mind, filled with anger, so much anger, and the tears… Her tears…

She was crying because of him.

Hell, it hurt.

Why the fuck did he leave her alone?

Wren had done nothing to warrant that kind of treatment. Even if he’d married a witch who’d hurt him more than he thought humanly possible, he had no right to be so insensitive with a poor girl who’d done nothing wrong and had never given him a reason to doubt her. True, he’d only known her for a few weeks, but he felt it deep inside that she was special…

And he’d mucked it all up.

_Insensitive asshole_ , he chastised himself. _Stupid, insensitive asshole: you just ruined what could have been the most wonderful thing to happen to you in a long time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's tragic, yes. Unfortunately it's not over- but it will be, at some point.  
> They are still struggling against the demons that got between them


	16. Disassociative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That world was killing me  
> World was killing me, disassociative
> 
> The nervous systems down  
> The nervous systems down, I know  
> The nervous systems down  
> The nervous systems down, I know
> 
> I can never get out of here  
> I don't wanna just float in fear  
> A dead astronaut in space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

<<B? Hey, are you up?>>

Twiggy called, closing the door behind his shoulders. His words echoed in the hall, and no reply came to his ears

<<Perhaps he’s still asleep>> Tim suggested

<<Yeah>> John agreed <<After all, he did have an unbridled evening>>

Then, they remembered something: Wren

<<When we left, that girl was still at his house. Have they slept together?>>

<<Fuck. What if something happened to him? What if she’d done something- something bad?>>

They all shared a look of concern

<<We have to find him, immediately>>

* * *

Thus thinking, the entire band walked up the steps, pricking up their ears to catch any noise they could. Their efforts were repaid when they noticed some sounds coming from the end of the corridor, where he knew was a small kitchen.

Perhaps Brian was in that room.

The musicians walked rather fast, feeling apprehension for the singer rise. When they finally reached their destination, what they saw took their breath away in the worst way possible: Marilyn was sitting at the table, staring fixedly at a bottle of booze in front of him; his eyes held a heartbreaking amount of sadness, and there were traces of tears on his cheeks.

That sight felt like a punch to the gut for the group; Twiggy rushed inside, wrapping an arm around the other man’s shoulders and pulling him closer

<<Bloody hell, Brian, what’s wrong?>>

No response.

He tried again, pulling away to look the other man in the eyes

<<Did that girl do something to you? Is that the problem?>>

Those words seemed to finally shake the rocker from the cataleptic trance he’d apparently fallen in: he pushed the guitarist away, shaking his head

<<Please>> he begged, clearly on the verge of sobbing <<Please, don’t… Just don’t…>>

It was confirmation enough for the dreadlocked male. He cursed, and so did some of the others

<<I knew it. I knew that… That… That _bitch_ would hurt you>>

The shock rocker’s reaction to that swearword was a far cry from what they imagined: he winced violently and looked at them with wide, horror-filled eyes

<<No! Don’t call her that!>>

The other male was confused

<<I don’t get it, pal>>

<<It’s my fault>> Came a broken murmur from the taller man as he hid his face in his hands <<It’s all my fault…>>

<<What? What is all your fault? Bloody hell, pal, you’re making me worry>>

<<She’s gone!>> Brian bellowed unexpectedly <<She’s gone, and it’s all my fault…>>

Only then did the group notice the state of undress their boss was in: he only had his boxers on. That was a big enough clue for them to determine that he had indeed had some more fun the night before

<<You slept together>> He stated.

Marilyn recoiled again, as if those words burnt him

<<What?>>

Still silence

<<Brian, you’re freaking me out! Can you tell us what the hell is going on?>> Pogo exploded

A sob was his first response; it shook him to the bone

<<Shit. Buddy…>>

<<I made her leave. I am a bloody idiot and I made her leave>>

The black-haired man looked so incredibly dejected; they’d rarely seen him like that

<<Do you… Do you want to talk about it?>> Ginger offered timidly.

Brian shrugged

<<There’s nothing to say. You know what happened>>

Twiggy took a seat in a chair beside Brian’s, trying to think of what to say to comfort his friend

<<Bri, you can’t just->>

The other musiacian simply shook his head repeatedly, covering his face with his hands in shame

<<You should have her face: she was so… So heartbroken.

Her anger was terrifying, but it did next to nothing to disguise the sadness underneath it…>>

<<Well, she’s a good actress>> John commented caustically.

At that, Brian burst

<<Holy shit John, stop it! I know you don’t trust her, but I think I’ve already done enough damage without your contribution>>

<<How can you say->>

<<I don’t have any proof, no. But I saw it in her eyes>>

<<You can’t trust the->>

<<You can’t convey that much raw emotion in the blink of an eye, not unless you feel it>>

For a moment the band fell silent, staring at the lead singer with confusion and compassion: he looked so sad, so utterly defeated…

<<You believe that?>>

<<You weren’t there, guys. You didn’t see her cry>>

* * *

They were so deep in the conversation that they had not even heard the door open and close, nor the sound of the steps of two more people joining them in the room

<<Hey, Mare?>>

That was Johnny’s voice; the actor had reached the kitchen.

The thespian stopped a moment to take in the scene: John, Pogo, Tim and Ginger stood in the room while Twiggy sat beside a half-naked Brian who shielded his face in his hands and shook his head repeatedly

<<Hi Johnny>> The group -minus the lead- replied, giving him a once-over. There was something off in his appearance: a frown on his face.

<<I, uh… I ran into Wren on my way here>>

<<You did?>> Marilyn asked with the meekest voice they’d ever heard from him

<<Quite literally; I almost ran her over with my car, actually.

She was crying too hard to look where she was going. I’ve rarely seen anyone so crushed>> Johnny added, extremely uneasy

Those words were like a stab in the back for Brian, who winced again and slowly pried his hands from his face

<<Where... Where was she when you met her?>>

<<Walking along the street, probably looking for a bus stop>> The actor informed <<She looked like a deer in headlights when the realised it was me: she broke into a run before I could even roll down the window>>

The tall singer released an expletive, clenching his fists

<<Would you tell us what is going on, B?>> Johnny exhorted <<We’re getting worried>>

The man in question was staring intently at the table, still fighting back the tears; he uttered only one brief word, but it had the destructive potential of a tornado

<<Astrid>>

His friends were gaping at him while he chugged back some orange juice; Twiggy was glad to have put away the booze

<<Damn>>

<<Precisely>> The performer groused

<<I can understand that you’d be closed-off after what you’ve been through, but why would you think so bad of her?>> The thespian interrogated, genuinely concerned

<<Excuse me; I wasn't the only one.

Each and every one of you here was convinced that Wren would hurt me, that she was an up-to-no-good gold-digger>>

Pogo rolled his eyes

<<We were worried about you!>>

Marilyn sighed

<<I know, and I’m sorry; I’m just upset.

I’m worried about her>>

<<It’s ok>>

<<Damn B, you really, really like this lady>>

<<There’s something about her, I don’t know how to explain it…>>

He trailed off, staring at his empty glass as though it could give him answers to his conundrum. His friends’ concern rose exponentially

<<She’s different.

Yesterday, before we... You know…>>

<<Yeah>>

<<We talked, and she was so nice.

It was wonderful.

She is smart, funny, talented, kind…

So kind…

Our conversation inevitably reached the topic of my failed relationships, and she consoled me when it did. She made me feel at ease, so safe, so comfortable…

Holy shit, I want her back>>

The final complaint made the other musicians smile slightly; he did like her.

A lot.

Just as they thought.

Johnny patted his back

<<Well, buddy, everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is that you acknowledge them, and you work to make things better>>

Marilyn’s face took on an air of complete seriousness, and he stated with conviction

<<I will>>

<<Good! You’re already halfway there>>

<<The second half is scarier>>

They shared a laugh; even if it was not that strong, it was a good sign

<<I’ll go talk to her>>

Just like that, the band’s expressions went back to amazement

<<Will you, you know… Tell her the truth?>>

After moments of silence, during which all of them held their breaths, the infamous rocker nodded firmly

<<Yes>>

They stared at him, some even gaping, but he did not care anymore.

His mind went back to Wren, to how utterly crushed she’d been by his apparent abandonment

  
_She must think I’m like her ex-husband, or maybe even worse… Bloody hell, I need to go to her.  
Now_

He stood up with determination, but he swayed instantly; if it weren’t for Twiggy’s quick intervention, he would have fallen to the floor

<<Woah, slow down cowboy>> Pogo began, shaking his head <<You’re in no shape to visit Wren today>>

<<I have to!>>

<<No, Gacy’s right>> Ginger confirmed, stepping in front of him to block his path <<You need to rest. You’ll go to her tomorrow>>

<<Tomorrow will be too late!>> Marilyn hollered in rage, but that rage belied hurt and panic, a lot of panic.

Most of all though, there was pain beneath it

<<I agree; you’re in no condition to see her now>> Tim seconded the motion

<<Besides, she’s probably as overwrought as you are.

Let her calm down a bit, so she’ll be more relaxed when you go to her>>

None of those very valid arguments registered in Brian’s mind. He thought he had to go to her and damn, he wanted to.

However, six grown men were keeping him from following through with his plans

<<Let me go!>>

Far from it, his wardens guided him to his bedroom, aided by the others who were not restraining him at the moment. It took some time and a lot of effort, but he eventually fell asleep.

They never doubted he would, after all the emotions he’d cycled through in the last day, but they’d been aware from the start that he would put up one hell of a fight, and their expectations were amply met- perhaps even too much.

Then came a very hard part: Wren.

Without a word, the six musicians spun on their heels to reach the living room, where they would discuss Marilyn’s decisions concerning the dual-haired female who’d managed to turn his world upside down, mo matter how insane or broken it was.

* * *

The next morning the infamous singer awoke with a start, so early that all his companions cursed at him; even Johnny, who’d stayed the night, groused annoyedly while the lithe man traipsed around the mansion to get ready.

More than irritation though, the group was feeling worried for their leader: it was obvious he liked Wren a lot more than any of them would have thought possible, given his track record with relationships.

What would happen if, Heaven forbid, it ended like all the other times? Worst of all, what if it ended like it had with Astrid?

<<That bitch destroyed him>> John hissed, watching his bandmate blindly throw on a shirt and waltz around aimlessly as he searched for some trousers

<<Even after so many years, she’s preventing him from enjoying other relationships.

He hasn’t had a serious one since the divorce>> Tim stated, a distinct note of outrage colouring his normally even and calm voice

<<And Wren is bearing the brunt of this…>> Twiggy murmured, feeling sympathy for the black-haired female for the first time since they met. Not that he didn’t like her, he was just… He was tired of watching his best friend suffer because of women <<You know guys, maybe we’ve been too harsh on her>>

<<We’re allowing Astrid to win behaving like this. We can’t do that>>

<<If she gives us an actual reason to hate her, we will. Until then, we will help her; she did him a world of good in the short time they’ve been together, and we’ve all seen it>> Johnny affirmed.

They all agreed

<<That’s true.

Should we accompany him?>>

<<Maybe just give him a lift; he’s in no condition to drive. However, this is something he needs to do on his own>>

<<Yeah. Well then guys, let’s get dressed. The sooner we deal with this mess, the better>>

<<Will someone keep an eye on him? It’s suddenly too silent, who knows what he’s up to now>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter- I'm gonna be even more cruel in the next one ;)


	17. Heaven Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I tried to look inside you  
> I ended up looking through you  
> Now you try to tell me  
> You're not a ghost, you're not a ghost
> 
> Not a ghost!  
> Not a ghost!  
> Not a ghost!  
> Not a ghost!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of self-harm, drinking and drug use.
> 
> The parts in italics are thoughts. Normal italics are Wren's thoughts, while the underlined italics are Marilyn's.
> 
> As stated before, I am not making any judgment on the band members' personalities whatsoever. I do not know them and I am not insinuating anything. It is simply a story I am writing for fun; no profit is being made.

It took an incredible effort for him to knock.

His heart was thumping wildly in his chest, and he was in a cold sweat about it.

_She won’t forgive you_

_She will! Once I explain the truth, she will understand_

_Oh, and you think she will want to stay with a trainwreck like you?  
  
She’s a trainwreck too_

_Be sure to tell her that_

_She used that word herself!_

_You are an idiot, plain and simple. Let’s just hope she won’t be too harsh on you_

_She won’t; she’s too nice_

_Will she still be nice after you abandoned her?_

He did not know how to answer to that

_There you go. Best get ready to grovel_

* * *

A sudden commotion echoed from the inside, and he startled. The string of curses that followed immediately after told him she was ok, but he was still worried; if possible, more than before

<<Wren, are you alright?>>

A second stream of expletives reached his ears.

Then, finally, the door opened to reveal the woman herself.

He’d prayed she would be alone, preferably without Pat and the kids in particular, but a part of him was still not ready to see her, especially in that state: her hair was ruffled, her skin was even paler than usual and her eyes were bloodshot, something that the red contact lenses brought out even more. Her outfit consisted of black ripped trousers, dark purple t-shirt with a skull and bicep-length, fingerless gloves decorated with laces.

What really got to him was the look in her eyes: it was heartbroken and terrified, almost as if she was afraid he’d dropped by to finish the job

_Fuck, I must really look like her ex-husband right now_

<<Hi, Wren. Are you ok? I heard quite the ruckus>>

Flinching, the poor woman managed to murmur

<<Yes, I’m alright, but why are you here?>>

He mentally cursed himself when he caught her shivering

<<Doll, I… I wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?>>

Blinking in confusion the songwriter simply stepped aside, closing the door after he stepped in. Then, Brian’s arms wrapped around her before she could even register what was happening.

He was taken aback too by his gesture, but he did not let her go.

His own heart was bleeding, had been since he saw her leave his house with devastation etched on her features. Having her in his arms again was healing him already, even if her shaking told him just how bad his behaviour affected her.

The need to explain himself grew even more, and he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head as he pushed her at arm’s length

<<Let’s sit on the couch, ok?>>

She did not even nod, simply following him in silence

_Fuck, it’s worse than I thought…_

* * *

Once they were set, Brian took her hands in his and gave her a small smile

<<Wren, I’m sorry for ditching you yesterday. It was an asshole move, and I shouldn’t have>>

The woman exhaled slowly, not even looking at him.

He thought it was because she didn’t want him here. Little did he know, she was facing her own inner turmoil

* * *

_Look at him: you made him like that, you horrible monster.  
Are you happy with yourself?_

Wren cringed

  
_Forget our plans, you don’t deserve another chance with him. You don’t deserve anyone in your life_

<<Darling, what’s wrong?>> He interrogated, concern clearly lacing his voice.

It made her feel even guiltier

<<I…>> Damn, her voice was raspier than he’d ever heard <<I know it was a delicate moment for you, Marilyn. I’m not mad at you>>

* * *

The taller performer felt the world crumble beneath his feet

_Not mad at me? How the hell is she not mad at me? Who told her about Astrid?_

<<Twiggy called me to enquire after you; he didn’t say why, he just told me it was a bad day for you>> She laid out before he could get mad.

It made him smile a little more

_She knows me better than I thought_

_And that’s why she will want to stay away_

_Shut the fuck up!_

<<It was a bad day, doll. One of the worst in the year>>

The way she winced made him melt even more, since he thought she was sympathising with him; it even earned her a spot in his arms, after he made sure she was ok with the idea.

In reality, Wren was feeling more and more like shit every time he mentioned the anniversary of their divorce

<<It marked… It marked six years since I divorced my ex-wife, Astrid McCarson>>

* * *

If it weren’t for his hold on her, Wren would have jumped all the way to the ceiling when he said that name.

Her old name, a stigma on her head that ruined everything in her new life

_Is he going to- Please tell me he isn’t trying to-_

<<I… I decided to tell you the whole story, doll. It’s only fair.

After what I did to you, I want you to understand how much she fucked with my head>>

Her eyes widened in terror, her heart beginning to race

* * *

<<Are… Are you sure?>>

_Not this, please, I can’t take it._

_Anything but this_

Forcing another smile, the rockstar embracing her pecked her forehead once more before nodding

<<Yes. You deserve it, and we’ll never be able to get anywhere in this relationship if I don’t do this>>

* * *

For a moment, the younger singer felt like her heart had stopped beating

_Relationship? We’re in a relationship?_

_No, please no._

_There’s nothing I would love more, but not like this_

* * *

<<It’s not a nice story, so I’ll be quick.

She cheated on me>>

_A stab in the chest would be a less painful way to die_

<<I loved her so much, so bloody fucking much>> His voice was becoming edgier, gruffer. All of the changes happening in his countenance drew the stake deeper and deeper in her heart

<<She loved me too, or so I thought, but at some point she began to push me away>>

_We both know when…_

* * *

<<I’ve been on tenterhooks for quite a while, wondering what I was doing wrong, why she was shunning me>>

She sucked in a breath, taken aback by his confession

<<Brian…>>

<<I felt her pushing me away, and it hurt; it hurt so bad. Fuck, I loved her so much…>>

<<I->>

<<No matter what, I didn’t want to break up with her>>

Wren winced, clenching her fists

<<You didn’t?>>

<<No way in hell.

She… She was my new drug: I’d become dependent on her, but I never realised how much until the spurning began>>

* * *

_Look at him, you wretch._

_This is all your doing_

The need to inflict pain to herself rose again, but she miraculously kept it in check

_Comforting him comes first_

<<What if she… What if she wasn’t? What if… If there was something wrong with her?>>

<<How was I supposed to know? She didn’t let me in at all!>> He exclaimed <<How did you feel when you woke in the bed alone?>>

<<Very sad; broken, even>> She admitted, unknowingly making him feel horrible

<<Exactly.

But I wanted her with me, so I to put a brave face on things and carried on; to this day, I don’t know how>>

* * *

The woman by his side gulped, biting her lip. She was beginning to see things from another point of view, and she did not like it at all…

_I know I should have thought things through. I was too rash in my assessment of things -as usual- and this is the result: two people broken and torn beyond recognition_

It was an inevitable confrontation, as much as she did not like it; it had already been postponed enough

<<I stayed silent day after day, letting it eat me inside, until I could take it no more>> He bit out.

It was incredibly hard for him to say those things in front of her, but it simply had to come out, so he bit the bullet and kept talking

<<One night, I reached my breaking point.

I raided all my cabinets, draining every single drop of alcohol I could put my hands on; I wanted the demons to disappear… But they just came back with a vengeance>>

* * *

Wren was beginning to tear up, staring at her ex-husband with horror and heartbreak etched on her features

<<I screamed at her. I made her cry. I accused her, even if I had no evidence to back up my condemnations.

It was like a volcano, finally erupting after being repressed for so long.

The result was the bloodiest fight ever. I even threw a bottle of liquor at her, something I still regret despite what she did to me>> He hissed, fighting against the memories going through his mind and bringing him back to the day hell broke loose

<<After that I was a broken man, even worse than how you found me; after all, the higher the pedestal, the more disastrous the fall, and she’d taken me so high… More than any needle or powder I ever tried>>

* * *

He couldn’t see the tears trickling down her cheeks, nor the white-hot pain in her eyes; she wiped her cheeks dry before he looked at her again

<<Yes, I relapsed during that period. I had to take them, because I loved her>>

* * *

Wren’s gaze was incredulous, as though she was having trouble wrapping her head around his words

<<Wha… What the hell does that mean?>>

Marilyn gulped audibly, scratching the nape of his neck as he still looked away

<<It was the only way I could cope, Wren; I saw no way out but that or su->>

<<No!>>

It came out in a strangled sob, but it got him to finally look at her. When he noticed she was crying he tried to console her, but she flung herself at him desperately before he could, hugging him tightly

<<Please, don’t… Don’t say that; don’t even think those things>> She gasped in between sobs, hiding her face in the crook of his neck

<<Doll, are you ok?>>

No reply came

<<Wren, are you->>

<<Stop calling me that>>

* * *

That brought him up short

<<What… What do you mean?>>

* * *

The younger woman remained silent for a few more moments, relishing his hug.

She knew that, with what she had in mind, she wouldn’t get to enjoy it again in a long time. But the time had come.

The charade was up

_I can’t let him build his trust in Wren anymore when she doesn’t exist._

_Letting it get this far was cruel enough already_

* * *

Gulping loudly, she slowly lifted her head to look up at him

<<You don’t… You don’t recognise me? Not at all?>>

Perplexity clouded his face; he cocked his head to the side, watching her curiously

<<You’re Wren. What are you talking about?>>

<<Pardon me one second>>

She stood up and ran to the bathroom, trying to find the case she used for her contact lenses; she took a deep breath before removing them, grabbing a brush and carding it through her hair.

After washing her face rapidly, she returned to him with the gait of someone headed to the gallows

<<Would you come to stand under the light with me, Bri- Mar- Brian?>>

* * *

Her slip of the tongue puzzled him even more, but he did as he was told.

Wren kept her gaze down even when he reached her

<<Doll, what’s going on? You’re making me worry>>

<<You’ve never seen me without contacts, have you?>>

<<Now that I think about it no, I haven’t>>

<<Guess again>>

That said she lifted her head up, fixing her wide eyes on him.

His breath caught in his throat; the world stopped spinning, and he suddenly felt light-headed.

* * *

Those eyes.

Those eyes were so familiar, too familiar for his taste…

* * *

He’d seen that chocolate colour before, in a variety of situations: flared up with fury when they fought, shining with joy whenever he kissed her or told her he loved her, brimming with tears when she was sad, darkening to coal black when they made love…

_This is impossible._

_I must be hallucinating._

_This is not real_

* * *

<<Do I need a chestnut wig to complete the look?>> Her strained voice joked, even of it was just a half-joke

<<What kind of terrible trick is this?>> He hissed, taking a few steps away from her.

Then, Wren knew he recognised her

<<It’s not a trick>>

<<It must be. You can’t be here, you can’t possibly be real…>>

<<Oh, but I am>>

<<Astrid?>>

<<Hello, Brian. Long time no see…

Not really though>> She forced a chuckle, pretending to be amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is she a ghost? Is she not?  
> Is he the ghost?  
> Or is it their love story?


End file.
